Who here has a successful relationship with an NT?
I'm Aspie, the person I'm with is NT, with Aspie traits. He's serious, nerdy, intellectual but unlike me can form deep and meaningful friendships. (For me it takes a long time and with very few people.) He's rather moody but we confide in each other. He accepts my introversion and tells me not to conform. It's a very caring bond. My NT friend calls it "a sweet love." Of course it's still in the early stages as we are both introverts and I'm rather innocent in these matters. One good thing is that it has taught me to recognise more social cues.
My experience has been that women have no sexual feelings for introverted/autistic men, but rather they begin by pitying them intensely, treating them like a big cuddly toy, but as time goes on they feel total repulsion for him because he will never be able to provide her with security, children, nice cars, social status, and so on.
Wow. Sad. Quite aside from the fact that he completely misunderstood the original post he was replying to.
I'm an NT, my husband is AS. We've been together for almost five years (married for two).
If we're in separate rooms doing separate activities and then he walks in the room I'm in, my heart still does little flip-flops. We ARE that couple that drive people nuts in public places because we can't stop hugging etc.
Sexual repulsion? Ahem...no...
Security? We've never missed a mortgage payment.
Children? Well, none yet, but we just decided about 2 months ago that we're ready to start trying.
Nice cars? Our cars work. That makes them nice enough for me.
Social status? I'm not even sure what you mean by this...have you just been reading too much Jane Austen? "How can you marry someone with such low connections?!?!"
Seriously...you need to revamp your ideas of what constitutes NT women.
Although I agree that discrimination against supposed 'NT's' is silly and mostly baseless, I gotta wonder how you're getting the part about discrimination toward women? Due to the solid population of women on this board, womens' perspective get's pretty good representation, and doesn't seem to lack any 'oomph' so far as I've seen.
But what do you see?
Although I agree that discrimination against supposed 'NT's' is silly and mostly baseless, I gotta wonder how you're getting the part about discrimination toward women? Due to the solid population of women on this board, womens' perspective get's pretty good representation, and doesn't seem to lack any 'oomph' so far as I've seen.
But what do you see?
In my life, I've probably heard more misandry than misogyny, courtesy of mother dearest. However, where this site is concerned, I definitely see a lot more bashing of women in general than bashing of men in general. It's not an issue of whether or not the women have "oomph" in speaking up for themselves, it's the fact that they get subjected to the nastiness in the first place that they haven't done anything to earn. I mean, if people are bickering back and forth that's one thing, but just to be reading along and see out of the blue "women suck" well...it stings.
My boyfriend could probably be considered NT; he's medicated for ADHD, but he is not on the autism spectrum. He's good to me, patient, and seems to like me despite my eccentricities.
_________________
Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.
-Fyodor Dostoevsky
This, folks, is why autistic men should not become emotionally involved with 'normal' women. Notice that she said she made sacrifices for 'his' relationship, not 'our' relationship.
My experience has been that women have no sexual feelings for introverted/autistic men, but rather they begin by pitying them intensely, treating them like a big cuddly toy, but as time goes on they feel total repulsion for him because he will never be able to provide her with security, children, nice cars, social status, and so on.
My own mother once told me that I should buy an Eastern European bride. Don't be fooled by a woman showing kindness towards you. If you can't be on equal footing with a woman in a relationship, don't bother going after them at all.
When I talk to a woman, even if she finds me physically attractive, it usually takes less than 2 minutes for signs of disgust to appear on her face. 'This guy isn't right; I bet he has no money, is poor in bed, and just isn't cool. I don't want to be lumbered with such an uncool boyfriend. Give me a bad boy any day of the week, a guy who can show me a great time.'
And there it is. Sexual relationships are as much off-limits as friendships and jobs. Nobody is interested; nobody knows that I even exist.
It wouldn't surprise me if this girl uses her autistic 'boyfriend' as an emotional punching bag.
All i can say is that depending on the AS person's level of issues, some women may run off, some might not, it all depends. I am an AS college student myself, starting to get As/Bs in my classes, and I guess a great majority of AS people don't care about material things and financial freedom. But I am a rare case and I really want to be the type of person later in life who owns a big house and a nice car (like a BMW, Mercedes, Porsche, Jaguar, etc.) I can say that I am a rarity for someone who has AS, I have fashion sense, I can get along practically with everyone, I usually ignore people who try to cause drama and you can say I am the top of the top. It is all in your attitude and mentality that makes you up as a person.
Hows about the rest of you? Any other Aspies/auties in relationships with NTs? How's it going?
Define "successful."
_________________
Scott
"The Jazz of Life - the only way to live life"
Dx'd with AS and AD/HD Combined in 2007
Interests: Music, great outdoors (beach/mountains), cooking/baking, philosophy, arts/sciences, reading, writing, sports, spirituality, Green, sus
This, folks, is why autistic men should not become emotionally involved with 'normal' women. Notice that she said she made sacrifices for 'his' relationship, not 'our' relationship.
My experience has been that women have no sexual feelings for introverted/autistic men, but rather they begin by pitying them intensely, treating them like a big cuddly toy, but as time goes on they feel total repulsion for him because he will never be able to provide her with security, children, nice cars, social status, and so on.
My own mother once told me that I should buy an Eastern European bride. Don't be fooled by a woman showing kindness towards you. If you can't be on equal footing with a woman in a relationship, don't bother going after them at all.
When I talk to a woman, even if she finds me physically attractive, it usually takes less than 2 minutes for signs of disgust to appear on her face. 'This guy isn't right; I bet he has no money, is poor in bed, and just isn't cool. I don't want to be lumbered with such an uncool boyfriend. Give me a bad boy any day of the week, a guy who can show me a great time.'
And there it is. Sexual relationships are as much off-limits as friendships and jobs. Nobody is interested; nobody knows that I even exist.
It wouldn't surprise me if this girl uses her autistic 'boyfriend' as an emotional punching bag.
I think you need to read her post again. She is the aspie and he is the NT.
_________________
"Caravan is the name of my history, and my life an extraordinary adventure."
~ Amin Maalouf
Taking a break.
[b] I am new to the forum.
I agree. NTs can be disfunctional also.
What I wish to know as a NT myself is: Can it work & what do I need to know to help make it work?
My BF is not diagnosed, but I have done the research, spoken to others with ASD, went to a lecture from a local author with it (and brought a friend who knows my BF who also feels he may have it). Now, since he is at this point, not willing to get a diagnosis (but not upset I have talked with him on this & considering the possibility), I need to try.
I would like to know what others feel I should do to try to understand.
Feel free to ask me anything.
Thank You
After this past weekend, I know if I am in a relationship with a NT it could be very successful.
_________________
Scott
"The Jazz of Life - the only way to live life"
Dx'd with AS and AD/HD Combined in 2007
Interests: Music, great outdoors (beach/mountains), cooking/baking, philosophy, arts/sciences, reading, writing, sports, spirituality, Green, sus
HopeGrows
Veteran
Joined: 5 Nov 2009
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,565
Location: In exactly the right place at exactly the right time.
Must have been a great weekend!
It was ...go to my thread, "Asking women out...." under "Love and Dating" and read the very long post, and enjoy munching on a bag of popcorn while you're at it. Then, you'll understand why I know if I am in a relationship with a NT it could be very successful, Hope
_________________
Scott
"The Jazz of Life - the only way to live life"
Dx'd with AS and AD/HD Combined in 2007
Interests: Music, great outdoors (beach/mountains), cooking/baking, philosophy, arts/sciences, reading, writing, sports, spirituality, Green, sus
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