Any Aspies here that dated a Borderliner?

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Brainsforbreakfast
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10 Mar 2006, 5:03 pm

Anyone here that are or have dated someone with Borderline syndrome, and agree it's a match made in hell?



alex
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10 Mar 2006, 6:03 pm

I haven't.


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Brainsforbreakfast
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10 Mar 2006, 6:59 pm

alex wrote:
I haven't.


be glad! and cross your fingers you won't :)



Drakeman
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10 Mar 2006, 7:00 pm

I've dated plenty of girls that have made hell seem comforting at times... but one with Borderline Syndrome? Nah...



theman
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10 Mar 2006, 8:30 pm

I was married to one, and I would equate it to prison rape!



quietangel
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10 Mar 2006, 8:51 pm

Oh heck no! I have a borderliner in my therapy group and she drives me nuts. I usually end up leaving the room to pace back and forth because she makes me so angry and annoyed.


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Postperson
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10 Mar 2006, 9:02 pm

I think they made a movie about an aspie married to a borderline. It's called Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.



psych
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10 Mar 2006, 10:18 pm

Dont you mean borderline personality disorder?

My understanding of it is that its not a 'syndrome' in the permanent sense like downs or AS, but a complex set of maladaptice defense mechanisms that form during childhood, often in response to parantal neglect and/or abuse.

With suitable therapy and a lot of strength and determination, its possible for sufferers to gradually recover.



danlo
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11 Mar 2006, 7:59 am

"Sufferers"? "Recover"? Lmao! Ye of small minds. You may think they're sufferers of a disorder, but remember that people think the same about autism/Aspergers. They're no more sufferers than we are, and they're no less an example of diversity in human beings. Did you ever consider that the problem lies not entirely with the so-called "borderline", but also with their partner? It's funny that people will ascribe relationship problems to the "borderline" who has a "disorder" you can ascribe the problems to, but relationships fail all the time in other relationships and noone thinks twice about them having a "disorder". It's laughable, but in a failed Asperger-NT relationship, both parties would ascribe the problem to be the other person. It's just the way people are. Don't be smallminded and believe that tripe.


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11 Mar 2006, 8:18 am

danlo wrote:
"Sufferers"? "Recover"? Lmao! Ye of small minds. You may think they're sufferers of a disorder, but remember that people think the same about autism/Aspergers. They're no more sufferers than we are, and they're no less an example of diversity in human beings. Did you ever consider that the problem lies not entirely with the so-called "borderline", but also with their partner? It's funny that people will ascribe relationship problems to the "borderline" who has a "disorder" you can ascribe the problems to, but relationships fail all the time in other relationships and noone thinks twice about them having a "disorder". It's laughable, but in a failed Asperger-NT relationship, both parties would ascribe the problem to be the other person. It's just the way people are. Don't be smallminded and believe that tripe.


I so agree with you when it comes to problems, it's easier to find fault with the other half than find fault in one's self. I've been in a long-term relationship with the father of my two sons for 6 yrs. He's NT but well starting to think at times he's like got borderline personality issues because at times his attitude can switch from calm and easy to get along with to really having an extreme ego and all at times. It's like living with two different people but well I can't say that I don't have issues, I can be mighty inflexible myself in some things and hard to deal with.



Brainsforbreakfast
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11 Mar 2006, 8:48 am

danlo wrote:
"Sufferers"? "Recover"? Lmao! Ye of small minds. You may think they're sufferers of a disorder, but remember that people think the same about autism/Aspergers. They're no more sufferers than we are, and they're no less an example of diversity in human beings. Did you ever consider that the problem lies not entirely with the so-called "borderline", but also with their partner? It's funny that people will ascribe relationship problems to the "borderline" who has a "disorder" you can ascribe the problems to, but relationships fail all the time in other relationships and noone thinks twice about them having a "disorder". It's laughable, but in a failed Asperger-NT relationship, both parties would ascribe the problem to be the other person. It's just the way people are. Don't be smallminded and believe that tripe.


I understand where your coming from, and I think I should elaborate a bit, since I started this thread without a lot of background or what my view on this is.
It's hard for me to describe, there are so much things in my head, so much thoughts and frustratrions about this, and I'm not a native English speaker, so I hope I can make a coherent post. But bear with me.

Danlo, I agree that problems in a relationship are always "the fault of the other", but while being AS and having a NT partner is a difficulty in itself, a borderliner makes thing even worse.

I had a long term relationship with a girl with borderline for something over two years. What started as a very good, close, nurturing relationship ended with us both being in emotional ruin.

The problems in this kind of relationship lie in that, borderliners need attention, assurance, safety, acknowledgment (sp?). Thats hard enough for a NT partner to provide. While a NT partner usualy tries to communicate their needs, a borderliner is always in "self-defense" mode.

What would be a simple disagreement or discussion for me about something trivial, is an attack for my ex. A big time fight/depresion/crisis will arise.

Hmm, maybe I should just provide a wikipedia link. It's easily to see where a AS + BL relationship can go wrong on so many levels.. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline ... y_disorder

I can't blame my ex for being BL, but those were the hardest two years of my life.

Postperson wrote:
I think they made a movie about an aspie married to a borderline. It's called Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.


Thanks! I will check this out..



psych
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11 Mar 2006, 9:47 am

danlo wrote:
"Sufferers"? "Recover"? Lmao! Ye of small minds. You may think they're sufferers of a disorder, but remember that people think the same about autism/Aspergers.


I disagree. Its well established that Autistic Spectrum Disorders have a strong genetic component. BPD seems to have a strong correlation with themes of neglect and abandonment during childhood.

To take another example; Dissociative Identity disorder (multiple personality) has a strong correlation with ritualistic sexual abuse. PTSD has an obvious correlation with acute trauma.

I believe the etiology for BPD is similar, in some ways to PTSD. Would you go around telling PTSD sufferers they are 'neurodiverse'?



jman
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11 Mar 2006, 9:57 am

Yes i have dated someone with BPD, and let me tell you over the past couple years she has made my life hell :(



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11 Mar 2006, 5:46 pm

I havent, but for no good reason at all, i think it would be an interesting challenge.


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PatrickMackintosh
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11 Mar 2006, 5:50 pm

nah. i never date women with issues. they're not worth the time and effort that could be better spent relaxing and enjoying another woman's company.