why does it have to be so confusing?

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My boyfriend had to go to urgent care today-wanted to get checked out for UTI... so now, he's waiting for results, and calls to talk for hours basically, and I'm trying to be supportive... but he's talking about how uncomfortable he is for an hour straight, then starts talking about how he still wants to take the kids out to eat tomorrow night for their early Valentine's Day meal.

I dunno what I was supposed to say.. I thought I was being supportive and all... I told him not to worry so much about it and not to force himself to go, but to make sure he feels up to it first. He started getting kind of cranky... Then he mentioned wanting to go out to eat with me for Valentine's Day (mom will be watching the kids), and I reminded him there are always other weekends, so not to force himself if he doesn't feel up to it.

He said "Just let me decide for myself" and basically told me to shut up and quit talking about us just doing it another weekend.

Now, does anyone see where I went wrong in telling him to make sure he feels okay first, and not to force himself just because that was the initial plan? I mean, I know in advance it may not happen, so it's not like it is going to mess with me a ton.

I've already mentally prepared for the fact that it isn't gonna happen, so he doesn't have that to worry about... but he still seems pretty insistent that he wants to go out and do stuff this weekend-all stuff that is going to require sitting for long periods of time (eating dinner, going to the movie theater, driving 1 and a half hours to get to my mom's house, driving all the way back)...

I'm not trying to ditch him or anything-he's sick and hurting for pete's sake, lol, and I personally think it's a better idea if we are going to do a "family dinner night" type thing, that everyone there should be able to enjoy themselves, rather than one of us just being in constant pain/discomfort the entire time, unable to enjoy it. I also think it would be silly to try it, and have to plan it all over again because it didn't work out the first time around, which means spending more money for a "do over" that could have been prevented to begin with.

I just don't get where I said anything that should have even hit a nerve with him.

First of all, I love your quote from Luna, that line actually brings tears to my eyes whenever I re-read that book. And I read that series at least once a year. It's just something I can totally understand.

Giving you a male view, I think he was just frustrated at his situation and maybe a bit scared or worried. He could have also been hungry as well. You have to remember that a lot of men get cranky in response to stress and hunger and worry. It may be a bad habit, but it still exists. Your reminder about the possibility of him missing something he wants to do is quite logical, but being the bearer of bad news about it also puts you in line of fire of his angst towards it. I would advise for you to not take it too personal, he is being a butt head about it, but I think it's frustration of his situation not genuine malcontent with you. He shouldn't take those things out on you, but people always do that to each other and weathering that is part of any relationship apparently.

I hope that I could help.

Thank you much I wasn't taking it so much as a personal thing, but more like a "how come half the time I'm told I'm not supportive, then when I try, I wind up getting snapped at?" lol.

I know he's got other factors going on, and pain I am sure isn't helping, but I talked to him about a lot of other stuff before that part and didn't get snapped at, lol. So was just kind of... well, at a loss as to what to do ultimately, to be helpful in any way, if being helpful isn't really working, haha. I was just kind of sitting here thinking "I hope he doesn't call again... I hope he doesn't call again..." because I just really have no clue what he's needing from me XD

I can understand not wanting to be put in front of the headlights again. That's too bad that his mood is making you not want to hear from him, but it is very understandable on your part. It is tough to be supportive when the other person's attitude isn't helping you out. Make sure, after a few days maybe, that you talk about these things with him. Let him know that he hurt your feelings or made you feel frustrated because he was taking it out on you. Hopefully he will apologize before that, so you may not have to bring it up. But it is bad behavior on his part, you didn't do anything wrong. Neither of you is perfect, you will get on each others bad side every now and then, but it's how you recover from it that really matters. I'm glad that he has you there even trying to be supportive though, being in the hospital is stressful and frustrating and UTIs are painful and uncomfortable and embarrassing. He's a lucky guy

lol, I do try.. I really do. I'm amazed he still calls to talk to me sometimes, because after so long of it, I will finally just say "Look, I'm not 100% sure what you are after here... and I'm not very good at this stuff, so can you just tell me what you need me to do?"

We do a LOT of talking about things. He tries his best to understand my diagnosis, and asks a lot of questions, and in turn, lets me ask him tons of questions about why he does things as he does and all too.

I'm pretty sure that all the talking we do is really really good for us, haha. Almost every time we come to some sort of compromise or agreement, and the other times, we just realize when it's time to just stop talking about it because we are both being too stubborn, so we just agree to disagree.

He's not in the hospital at the moment, which is partially why it's a bit harder to deal with it. I can't just be like "well, you're gonna be there anyway with people forcing you to get rest if you aren't better". lol. I feel bad saying it, but that would make it easier, as he has followed through with plans many times before when sick, or when he thought he was feeling better, just to wind up worse afterward... and usually we are all MISERABLE the entire time because he's just so irritable from not feeling well. So, while he has good intentions to follow through with the plans, it just doesn't seem logical to do so at times like this, lol.

I'm pretty sure that what caught me so off-guard, was that I said something earlier in the situation that I would think he would have been more sensitive to, than me making sure he takes care of himself and puts his health before doing things that are fun. He is a worry wart, and looked up all the worst case scenarios as to what might be going on... was being really dramatic and saying he couldn't live like this if it was something that wasn't going to go away and all, and I told him to knock it off because it wasn't going to help anything, and reminded him that cultures for things like that can take a good while, so worrying while being uncomfortable wasn't doing any good at all. Just matter of fact and blunt, and he had no problem with that, and even seemed to calm down, haha.

Well, no need to be amazed at why he still calls you, I think it's very understandable. Your effort at trying to understand and trying to be there for him is more important than how successful you are at being so. It means you truly do care, and that is the most important thing for him to feel when he's stressing out over it. Especially if he is a bit of a worst case scenario person.

There is no reason for you to not be honest about what you think he should and shouldn't do regarding this. But as an adult male, he will likely charge on ahead anyways with what he thinks is best. It may exasperate you, but at least you'll be able to tell him that you told him so after he's regretting his pig headedness. His irritability may stink when you are trying to have a good time, but I'd advise just rolling your eyes at his stubbornness and realizing that he really just wanted to be there so much. He may be a butt head some times, but he really loves you, and what guy isn't a total tool sometimes?