Is it okay be asexual?

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starygrrl
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12 Apr 2011, 12:50 pm

Beatlegal wrote:

Okay,
My parents are expecting me to be in a relationship so they can have grandkids. I happen to be asexual because I'm not comfortable with doing the you-know-what. Whenever I tell them that I'm asexual, they think it's a bunch of nonsense. I tried to get a guy to like me in high school, but he said "I have to think about college." Translation: I have a girlfriend who is normal and priettier than you.

It is your choice whether or not to have kids or find a partner. Tell your parents quite clearly to quit pressuring you on this front because these are your decisions to make.

Also it is perfectly okay to be asexual, just like it is perfectly okay to be gay, or anything else.

ominous
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15 Apr 2011, 7:01 am

I'm impossible to label. I went with lesbian for a while. I went with asexual for a while. I went with gray sapiosexual for a while. I don't have sexual attraction to anyone, but when I am in love, falling in love or develop a crush on someone that tends to follow. I am very picky about who I become "attracted" to. I wonder if they want grandchildren so much or if they are just concerned that you aren't having a "normal" relationship. NT people really worry about that sort of thing. They want to see us partnered up because it makes them happy to have a partner.

I had to explain this difference in thought recently to my eight year old. He got hurt on the playground and ran to hide and be sad in a concrete tunnel. One of his friends went to see if he was ok and my son ended up yelling at the other kid to leave him alone. When I explained what his friend was trying to do (be there for him and be a help), he found it next to impossible to understand how anyone would want someone next to them when they are upset and crying. That's what NT people do, though, they think we all need someone to comfort us when we are down or that life is somehow pointless if you have nobody to lean on.

Your sexuality is your sexuality. Another responder mentioned what you do in the bedroom is your own business. It might just embarrass your parents enough to leave you be on this topic if you were to say "I don't really feel comfortable discussing my future or present sex life with you guys, I hope you understand that, I don't ask you to talk about your sex life with me."

littlelily613
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22 May 2011, 1:25 am

It is not up to your parents whether you are sexual or not. I don't know if I always was, but I am definitely asexual now. Personally, I do want kids. You can be asexual and have kids (adoption). If you do not want kids at all, well, that is your choice. It would be better for your parents to have no grandchildren than to have grandchildren who are unwanted. It might take time--you will have to give them that. All parents dream of grandchildren some day. But if it is not going to happen, that is your choice and your's alone to make.

Richard2989
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30 Jul 2020, 1:31 pm

Being asexual is a part of who you are as a human being.

kraftiekortie
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30 Jul 2020, 2:28 pm

It’s okay. Sometimes, I wish I was asexual

Ettina
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13 Feb 2021, 5:21 pm

Beatlegal wrote:

Don't have children just because your parents want you to.

But if you do want children, you do not have to be in a relationship to have children. I'm currently trying to conceive via sperm donation, and I've never been in a romantic relationship (I'm also asexual).

Ettina
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13 Feb 2021, 5:23 pm

jojobean wrote:

Tell your parrents that you are not doing it for world peace
The planet is overpopulated as it is. Why does ppl think chosing not to bear children is so weird...I dont know, but I think something went very wrong in human reproduction. The rest of the primates have a heat cycle, so does most other mammals with the exception of rodents and humans. I read in "the Great Mother Goddess" that female reproductive systems have evolved very much and one of the key changes is going from a heat cycle to a menastual cycle....which is what is responsible for humans over populating the planet. So your choice is a very eco-conscious one.

The world is not overpopulated. The problems people blame on human overpopulation are actually caused by unequal distribution of resources.

NaturalEntity
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14 Feb 2021, 2:16 pm

I know this is a very old spread spanning years but for anyone who finds it useful: asexuality is totally valid! If you don't want to have sex or feel no sexual attraction, I don't mind! (I am also an asexual.)

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xxZeromancerlovexx
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15 Feb 2021, 9:37 pm

Beatlegal wrote:

I’m asexual and don’t feel comfortable with anything regarding the you-know-what. Plenty of asexual people are in relationships but they just don’t have sex.

Regarding the pressure to have children, you need to be honest with your parents. Maybe you can have a conversation with your counselor or therapist and invite your parents.

Being asexual is perfectly okay. I just wish it was more understood.

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