Social character compared to your real character

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whatamarshmallow
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17 Feb 2010, 10:14 pm

mattc wrote:
What social front do you put on in front of people you don't know? I went on a course today and mentioned the fact i suffer from an ASD, and the trainer said that would have never guessed, I did make an effort to be friendly, nice and laid back. Which I think means that I've found a way to be socially acceptable, I just spend most of the time smiling and listening to what she said.

How many of you use the same technique to get by socially? Of course I only be completely myself with people I know, and though I am a fairly laid back person I am very chatty when in the right mood.

:D :D :D


Apparently I put on a real good show to those I need to! I wouldn't want to say I fake, as much as I make an effort to fit in/not seem like a weirdo to those who don't know me well enough to understand. Those close to me know the real me, some I have mentioned being on the spectrum to and explained and a few I have not, but they do understand I am odd and accept everything about me, which is what matters most anyhow! When I do have to act like an NT to some degree (for example, work!), things occasionally go so wrong that they wind up going right. Here's an example. I had a fellow co-worker who is ranked higher than I am, therefor I do have to listen to and respect them, but they are not the big boss. Anyhow, this co-worker was leaving the room for a moment and I was about to leave also, and they said 'stay right there, i'll be right back!'. Usually i'm okay with not taking things in a literal sense, and deep down I KNEW they didn't mean that I could not walk around the room, but for some reason I stayed in place...exactly. They walked back in the room, observed this and laughed (not in a mocking way of any sort). I then thought, 'ah, i interpreted something wrong again/didn't think enough about it before acting, i bet they suspect now...' and they turned around and said, 'that was really funny! you're kind of like an autistic!'. Mind you, I work with children on the spectrum, so this person was highly knowledgeable from an outsiders POV on autism. I just had to laugh, because apparently I am so good at fitting in that even when I do something autistic. I am acting LIKE one, instead of being one. :lol:


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bonuspoints
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18 Feb 2010, 11:29 am

mattc wrote:
I did make an effort to be friendly, nice and laid back. Which I think means that I've found a way to be socially acceptable, I just spend most of the time smiling and listening to what she said.
:D :D :D


^this sounds like my method as well, "laid back and goes with the flow".

I also connect with what maleb said:


A mask - yes
Phony - to a degree, but not in an adverse way
Makes my life easier - no
Makes my life more successful - yes


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whatamarshmallow
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18 Feb 2010, 8:33 pm

bonuspoints wrote:
mattc wrote:
I did make an effort to be friendly, nice and laid back. Which I think means that I've found a way to be socially acceptable, I just spend most of the time smiling and listening to what she said.
:D :D :D


^this sounds like my method as well, "laid back and goes with the flow".

I also connect with what maleb said:


A mask - yes
Phony - to a degree, but not in an adverse way
Makes my life easier - no
Makes my life more successful - yes


I like your description of phony, because that's exactly right. It's more of a 'mysterious' mask. Like keeping a secret, or playing a role if you will. And it doesn't make our lives easier, just more successful. Because surely if I acted as my natural self at all times, I would not have the respect of others, nor would I have my job!


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pandd
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18 Feb 2010, 10:42 pm

My character is the same, but my "presentation/demeanor" is "put on".

I think of it more like stage makeup than a mask. Some stage make up is intended to change the appearance of the actor, but often the point of stage makeup is just to make things that are already there more visible (otherwise you cannot see the actor's features and expressions due to stage lights and distance). The public "make up" I "put on" simply makes things perceivable to others, where they would not otherwise be visible. So for instance, when I am in a social situatino and I feel no animosity or upset, I deliberately smile, otherwise even though I feel quite content, this will be invisible to people who then assume that I am discontent.



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18 Feb 2010, 11:13 pm

I try my best to cover up the fact that I am completely lost most of the time, but I'm not sure how well I do that...people seem to look at me like a freak sometimes when I do something goofy that I can't help.



Omerik
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18 Feb 2010, 11:24 pm

It's pretty easy when I'm drunk, I just play their game. If I meet fanatic fascists I say I support their notions, and then point out some questions. I'm not sure if I do it for fun or to change something. Anyhow they sometimes get confused.



Friskeygirl
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18 Feb 2010, 11:39 pm

Well I am not like Friskeygirl my avatar in second life, she has a social life and some very real friends, I am a fairly she introverted girl with a funny biblical name Lilith :?
My online persona is maybe who I am on the inside when I post here in the forum, its the real me.



LuxoJr
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18 Feb 2010, 11:44 pm

Around people I don't know and want nothing to do with, I am quiet. And when I am talked to I don't try at all to continue the conversation.

Around friends, I am freakin loud.


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Arminius
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23 Feb 2010, 9:05 pm

I hardly know how to take the mask off anymore. To varying extents I adopt the manner of speaking of the people I encounter. The "real me" uses fairly formal language at home and with one close friend, calls my tuba by name instead of "it," and has no interest in small talk. I am slightly different for almost everyone, but I do not think of it as deception. The mask I wear is a manifestation of the reality with which neurotypicals can cope. It allows me to be who I need to be.



CockneyRebel
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23 Feb 2010, 11:43 pm

I do small talk with NTs off the Internet. I ask them what their interests are and talk about those, as well. I also talk about the news, a lot. That's my social character.

My real character is the one that shows up, here on WP, with everything that I post in these threads, day in and day out.


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