Social character compared to your real character
whatamarshmallow
Raven
Joined: 14 Feb 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 113
Location: Long Island, New York
How many of you use the same technique to get by socially? Of course I only be completely myself with people I know, and though I am a fairly laid back person I am very chatty when in the right mood.
Apparently I put on a real good show to those I need to! I wouldn't want to say I fake, as much as I make an effort to fit in/not seem like a weirdo to those who don't know me well enough to understand. Those close to me know the real me, some I have mentioned being on the spectrum to and explained and a few I have not, but they do understand I am odd and accept everything about me, which is what matters most anyhow! When I do have to act like an NT to some degree (for example, work!), things occasionally go so wrong that they wind up going right. Here's an example. I had a fellow co-worker who is ranked higher than I am, therefor I do have to listen to and respect them, but they are not the big boss. Anyhow, this co-worker was leaving the room for a moment and I was about to leave also, and they said 'stay right there, i'll be right back!'. Usually i'm okay with not taking things in a literal sense, and deep down I KNEW they didn't mean that I could not walk around the room, but for some reason I stayed in place...exactly. They walked back in the room, observed this and laughed (not in a mocking way of any sort). I then thought, 'ah, i interpreted something wrong again/didn't think enough about it before acting, i bet they suspect now...' and they turned around and said, 'that was really funny! you're kind of like an autistic!'. Mind you, I work with children on the spectrum, so this person was highly knowledgeable from an outsiders POV on autism. I just had to laugh, because apparently I am so good at fitting in that even when I do something autistic. I am acting LIKE one, instead of being one.
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(Diagnosed PDD-NOS as a baby. Not sure where I fall on the spectrum these days...)
bonuspoints
Veteran
Joined: 23 Aug 2009
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 598
Location: Washington state - *Do I get bonus points if I act like I care?*
^this sounds like my method as well, "laid back and goes with the flow".
I also connect with what maleb said:
A mask - yes
Phony - to a degree, but not in an adverse way
Makes my life easier - no
Makes my life more successful - yes
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Those who cannot tell what they desire or expect, still sigh and struggle with indefinite thoughts and vast wishes. - Emerson
Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. - Oscar Wilde
whatamarshmallow
Raven
Joined: 14 Feb 2010
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 113
Location: Long Island, New York
^this sounds like my method as well, "laid back and goes with the flow".
I also connect with what maleb said:
A mask - yes
Phony - to a degree, but not in an adverse way
Makes my life easier - no
Makes my life more successful - yes
I like your description of phony, because that's exactly right. It's more of a 'mysterious' mask. Like keeping a secret, or playing a role if you will. And it doesn't make our lives easier, just more successful. Because surely if I acted as my natural self at all times, I would not have the respect of others, nor would I have my job!
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(Diagnosed PDD-NOS as a baby. Not sure where I fall on the spectrum these days...)
My character is the same, but my "presentation/demeanor" is "put on".
I think of it more like stage makeup than a mask. Some stage make up is intended to change the appearance of the actor, but often the point of stage makeup is just to make things that are already there more visible (otherwise you cannot see the actor's features and expressions due to stage lights and distance). The public "make up" I "put on" simply makes things perceivable to others, where they would not otherwise be visible. So for instance, when I am in a social situatino and I feel no animosity or upset, I deliberately smile, otherwise even though I feel quite content, this will be invisible to people who then assume that I am discontent.
LuxoJr
Deinonychus
Joined: 2 Dec 2009
Age: 29
Gender: Female
Posts: 391
Location: a dance party on the moon
Around people I don't know and want nothing to do with, I am quiet. And when I am talked to I don't try at all to continue the conversation.
Around friends, I am freakin loud.
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We could sail on a pancake sail ship in an ocean of chocolate. And if it sinks we could hitch a ride on a ratatouille rocket.
I hardly know how to take the mask off anymore. To varying extents I adopt the manner of speaking of the people I encounter. The "real me" uses fairly formal language at home and with one close friend, calls my tuba by name instead of "it," and has no interest in small talk. I am slightly different for almost everyone, but I do not think of it as deception. The mask I wear is a manifestation of the reality with which neurotypicals can cope. It allows me to be who I need to be.
I do small talk with NTs off the Internet. I ask them what their interests are and talk about those, as well. I also talk about the news, a lot. That's my social character.
My real character is the one that shows up, here on WP, with everything that I post in these threads, day in and day out.
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Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?
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