I get punished for being autistic

Page 1 of 2 [ 26 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

SectorStar
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 25 May 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 104
Location: Roseburg, Oregon

18 Feb 2010, 11:55 am

I'm 21 years old with high functioning autism. I've been in college for nearly 3 years now, will probably end up dropping out by June because my scholarship is about to be gone due to me failing classes and getting bad grades. Yesterday I come home from school;. I was in a happy mood because my girl friend and I recently just fixed some problems we had and we're excited to talk to eachother again. I come home, my mom asks how my day was just as I'm setting my lap top down on the table in the room. She tells me not to turn it on and then goes on yesterday about how I'm not looking at people enough and making eye contact. I explained to her that she doesn't even make contact with me half the time because shes a mod on the Sims 3 forum and litterly does nothing but sit in front of the computer and answer peoples computer problems about the game all day long, sometimes I wonder if she even heard me because all I get out of her is "mhm" or this laugh that I can tell is forced. She then goes on about how I didn't thank my dad for a new keyboard he bought me the night before (when I did) and decided that beings she didn't hear me say it from not talking loud enough, that I just didn't say it to begin with (she decides if something isn't done the way she wants it that it just never got done period!) I got into an argument with her about it, and then goes on about how I don't understand facial features and volume when talking correctly and then threatens to send me to some care home if I don't do it right (I'll move myself outa this f-ing house to somewhere else if this is whats gona happen everyday!) She then tells me that beings I'm having so much trouble with this that theres gona be consequences for it and tells me that I don't get to turn on the computer and get to remove a dead bush outside by hand all by myself. I spent 3 hours with that damn bush and in the mean time she emails my girl friend this b.s story about how I "foolishly challenged" my parents and am about to get kicked out. I'm 21 but I don't even feel like it, I feel like I'm 5. I'm getting punished for being disabled. When I'm done with college in June (if I'm not already kicked out from doing bad this term) I'm getting a job and getting as far away from them as I can when I move out.



Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,018

18 Feb 2010, 12:03 pm

Sounds like standard non-understanding NT behaviour, probably thinks that you're acting that way on purpose to annoy her some sort of crap like that. Like you said, move out ASAP.

As for the dropping out of college thing, click here ;)



SectorStar
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 25 May 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 104
Location: Roseburg, Oregon

18 Feb 2010, 12:07 pm

Shes well aware of it, she threatened to file complaints against the high school most of the time for not including my IEP when it came to grade time. She apparently just thinks its something that "improves" over time which it doesn't. And yes, I'm aware of people that dropped out of college and became some of the richest people in the world, but honestly, I don't see myself as the next person like that.



Asp-Z
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2009
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,018

18 Feb 2010, 12:11 pm

It can improve over time, but assuming it will do so over the course of a few years is stupid, especially since we're all different.



SectorStar
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 25 May 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 104
Location: Roseburg, Oregon

18 Feb 2010, 12:15 pm

Well I'm probably better with socializing with people then I was back in grade school, but apparently I haven't improved enough to my mom's standards.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 104,246
Location: Canada in person, Germany in spirit

18 Feb 2010, 1:08 pm

I think that you should move out as soon as possible. You don't need that abuse.


_________________
Peabody

Om Nom 2024

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


x_amount_of_words
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 May 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,359
Location: Spokane, Washington

18 Feb 2010, 1:37 pm

You should really try finishing college. I would suggest spending more time away from home. Find a library to study at or something. Finishing college is really important so you can get a better job and be able to move out.


_________________
theamazingjunkie.flavors.me


x_amount_of_words
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 May 2007
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,359
Location: Spokane, Washington

18 Feb 2010, 1:38 pm

You should really try finishing college. I would suggest spending more time away from home. Find a library to study at or something. Finishing college is really important so you can get a better job and be able to move out.


_________________
theamazingjunkie.flavors.me


Lene
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,452
Location: East China Sea

18 Feb 2010, 2:18 pm

Quote:
she emails my girl friend this b.s story about how I "foolishly challenged" my parents and am about to get kicked out.


I don't think you're the one with the problem in this case.

Every family has arguments , but to email your girlfriend telling her what a nughty by you've been is just childish.

I do think it is the onus of whoever is saying thanks to make themselves audible to the person they are thanking, and I would be annoyed at your response too, but still, at 21 surely there are better ways to work things out than emailing college and high school!

Has your mum always been like this, or does she feel there is no other way to talk to you? Maybe you should take matters into your own hands and next time there is an issue, try to difuse the situation before it gets to this point. Going on the 'defensive' will not help matters.



caramateo
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 18 Sep 2007
Age: 46
Gender: Female
Posts: 282

18 Feb 2010, 3:53 pm

Try to get help from your college disable services office. If you're not doing well in school they could help you get better grades.
Right now the best thing you can do is finish college and get into grad school. As an autistic person you will need a solid college education or you'll end up doing some kind of low pay menial job or worse, at your parents forever.



SectorStar
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 25 May 2009
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 104
Location: Roseburg, Oregon

18 Feb 2010, 3:55 pm

x_amount_of_words wrote:
You should really try finishing college. I would suggest spending more time away from home. Find a library to study at or something. Finishing college is really important so you can get a better job and be able to move out.


Its not that I don't wana "finish" college its just that once my scholarship is up I don't have the means to pay for it and without a job and still being in this house I can't apply for much aide because technically my dad makes enough money, they just won't pay for it. And honestly I'm getting emotionally drained from being there, I think its best I have a break from it and get a job and start saving up instead.

Quote:
Has your mum always been like this, or does she feel there is no other way to talk to you? Maybe you should take matters into your own hands and next time there is an issue, try to difuse the situation before it gets to this point. Going on the 'defensive' will not help matters.


My mom has issues with being in charge and is way too perfect to ever be wrong. In fact last time we had a fight my parents asked me if there was anything they could do to make it easier and I told them to listen to me more. So yesterday I told my mom about how she wasn't listening to me and how I felt that the stupid sims forum was more important then me or other family members and she just completely ignored what I said and went back to how I do such a bad job at eye contact and speaking loudly and everything else I do wrong.



Lene
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,452
Location: East China Sea

18 Feb 2010, 5:48 pm

SectorStar wrote:
Quote:
Has your mum always been like this, or does she feel there is no other way to talk to you? Maybe you should take matters into your own hands and next time there is an issue, try to difuse the situation before it gets to this point. Going on the 'defensive' will not help matters.


My mom has issues with being in charge and is way too perfect to ever be wrong. In fact last time we had a fight my parents asked me if there was anything they could do to make it easier and I told them to listen to me more. So yesterday I told my mom about how she wasn't listening to me and how I felt that the stupid sims forum was more important then me or other family members and she just completely ignored what I said and went back to how I do such a bad job at eye contact and speaking loudly and everything else I do wrong.


Yeah, my mum's a bit like that too. It's very annoying. I'm not sure how you'll get around this, exccept by tryin to act more mature than her. Attacking the Sims forum may be a bad idea; you may have a point, but if you lower yourself to attacking things outside the argument, you're letting her win. Be calm and refuse to rise to the bait or answer until she speaks to you reasonably.



ottorocketforever
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 28 Sep 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 203

19 Feb 2010, 6:06 pm

I don't know if you have an office at your college for people with disabilities. Have you checked them out yet? Maybe they can help you out with your difficulties. I'm sorry about the way your parents treat you. Best of luck. :)



Lepus
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 4 Nov 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 62
Location: England

23 Feb 2010, 10:35 am

I think your Mum may be the one who has the problem. If she doesn't realise that your college work is more important than doing some gardening for her she has her priorities seriously screwwed up.

Her behaviour sounds very childish and I'm wondering if she's acting like this because you have grown up and will soon leave and she will no longer be the 'in charge parent'. Undermining your choices and belittling you to your girlfriend are not the actions of someone who has your best interrests at heart but soneome who is acting upon their own interrests. If I were you I would do your study at the library rather than at home to avoid having her take away your study time.

Do let your college services know about this problem and mention it to your tutor too if it is affecting your college work.



whatamarshmallow
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 14 Feb 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 113
Location: Long Island, New York

25 Feb 2010, 2:26 am

SectorStar wrote:
I'm 21 years old with high functioning autism. I've been in college for nearly 3 years now, will probably end up dropping out by June because my scholarship is about to be gone due to me failing classes and getting bad grades. Yesterday I come home from school;. I was in a happy mood because my girl friend and I recently just fixed some problems we had and we're excited to talk to eachother again. I come home, my mom asks how my day was just as I'm setting my lap top down on the table in the room. She tells me not to turn it on and then goes on yesterday about how I'm not looking at people enough and making eye contact. I explained to her that she doesn't even make contact with me half the time because shes a mod on the Sims 3 forum and litterly does nothing but sit in front of the computer and answer peoples computer problems about the game all day long, sometimes I wonder if she even heard me because all I get out of her is "mhm" or this laugh that I can tell is forced. She then goes on about how I didn't thank my dad for a new keyboard he bought me the night before (when I did) and decided that beings she didn't hear me say it from not talking loud enough, that I just didn't say it to begin with (she decides if something isn't done the way she wants it that it just never got done period!) I got into an argument with her about it, and then goes on about how I don't understand facial features and volume when talking correctly and then threatens to send me to some care home if I don't do it right (I'll move myself outa this f-ing house to somewhere else if this is whats gona happen everyday!) She then tells me that beings I'm having so much trouble with this that theres gona be consequences for it and tells me that I don't get to turn on the computer and get to remove a dead bush outside by hand all by myself. I spent 3 hours with that damn bush and in the mean time she emails my girl friend this b.s story about how I "foolishly challenged" my parents and am about to get kicked out. I'm 21 but I don't even feel like it, I feel like I'm 5. I'm getting punished for being disabled. When I'm done with college in June (if I'm not already kicked out from doing bad this term) I'm getting a job and getting as far away from them as I can when I move out.


Somewhere else on this forum I saw someone say they're making a FAQ sheet for someone else to understand them better. Even though your mom claims to understand you, maybe try this? Explain exact situations and why you react how you do to them. As for her threats about moving you into a home, don't feed into them. My mom tried to threaten that a few times when we've argued, and I wasn't comprehending something. I've never gotten exact threats, but my mom knows how to degrade pretty well, and knows that a simple comment saying that in the future she could see me in one, is enough to hurt. Maybe explain to her that to punish an autistic is not a smart thing to do. Shaping behaviors, yes... downright punishing for things that you can't help, that's cruel. Though whether or not you'd even want to work on better eye contact is completely up to you.


_________________
(Diagnosed PDD-NOS as a baby. Not sure where I fall on the spectrum these days...)


tweety_fan
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Oct 2007
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,555

25 Feb 2010, 5:16 am

It is cruel to punish someone for traits they can't control.

That mother does have issues.

Contacting your college's student services would be useful i think. moving out ASAP would be great also.

Would it be possible to move out and get a part time job of some kind and study part time?
over here there is an allowance you can claim if you are studying and supporting yourself.