Are Autistic people "impossible to live with"?

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Shebakoby
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18 Feb 2010, 9:36 pm

And I'm just talking about in general. Be it living with family members (parents/siblings), or friends/roommates, or spouse/kids... are we Autistics particularly difficult, or outright "impossible" to live with? Are there some NTs (or even some ASpies) that would rather they didn't live with someone who was on the spectrum?

I say this because my mother has told me on multiple occasions that I'm IMPOSSIBLE to live with.



pat2rome
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18 Feb 2010, 9:48 pm

Shebakoby wrote:
I say this because my mother has told me on multiple occasions that I'm IMPOSSIBLE to live with.


That's probably her just venting her frustrations. I think a good translation would be "you are really really really really hard to understand sometimes."


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chaotik_lord
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18 Feb 2010, 9:52 pm

My roommate would agree with that. While he's very protective of me, he's also said he will never again live with another person on the spectrum. And he, when angry, says he wishes I hadn't come along when we moved, even though he asked me specifically.

My parents had similar issues when I moved back in with them. They couldn't give me certain orders as an adult that helped to alleviate some strain and we all hated it.



Blindspot149
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18 Feb 2010, 9:59 pm

I KNOW that I am difficult to live with and often difficult to just be around.

I happen to be blessed with a very loving, giving and forgiving (fortunately for me) wife who happens to be NT.

I don't think I would have the patience with an AS partner that my wife has with me and I don't think I'd want to live with someone as demanding as I am.

That is an entirely logical (referring to brain hemisphere) point of view.

The reality is that people fall in love (if they fall in love at all) for emotional reasons, regardless of AS.

Tough call :?


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Apera
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18 Feb 2010, 10:11 pm

In the short term I can manage. I shared a hotel room during this robot competition. But a long-term living situation would be best with only me. Or an extremely good match.


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regularcat
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18 Feb 2010, 10:12 pm

HELL YEAH



RhettOracle
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18 Feb 2010, 10:17 pm

I was on the spectrum for my whole life before I found out for sure last December. I could not live with my family, but as it turns out, that was not entirely my fault. They couldn't live with each other, either.

But I can live with my wife. She has no trouble understanding me. We've never had a fight or even as much as a serious argument. You would have to take into consideration that I do not have a severe kind of autism that would cause me to behave in ways that someone (excepting my family) could not live with. And I have had a half-century to stifle any odd behaviors I might have displayed so I could try to fit into society, however much I have failed at it. As long as I don't have anyone punishing me for being different, I can get along pretty well.

Out of all the people I've shared a space with, my wife is the ONLY person I've ever known whom I could live with in a totally acrimony-free way. That's why I married her. I would never, ever have another roommate, under any circumstances.



League_Girl
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18 Feb 2010, 10:22 pm

Shebakoby wrote:
And I'm just talking about in general. Be it living with family members (parents/siblings), or friends/roommates, or spouse/kids... are we Autistics particularly difficult, or outright "impossible" to live with? Are there some NTs (or even some ASpies) that would rather they didn't live with someone who was on the spectrum?

I say this because my mother has told me on multiple occasions that I'm IMPOSSIBLE to live with.


If we were impossible to live with, we would be kicked out of the house and be told to live on our own. None of us would have room mates either and none of us would be able to marry because we impossible to live with. No one would want to stay with us.

I know I am hard to live with and you have to have lot of patience and a thick skin to live with me. I have no problems with my husband but he says I am a lot of work even though I take care of myself but he says he has to walk on eggshells and claims I have all these routines he has to work his way around and I take things literal he has to watch what he says to me or else I can get real upset thinking he lied to me. He also has to explain things to me and keeps me grounded.

I don't have patience for aspie adults either.



Omerik
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18 Feb 2010, 10:23 pm

The only reason I would be difficult to live with is I won't do home chores (not entirely related to autism), and my family sometimes don't like me getting a bit angry when they come to my room when I'm in the middle of something, or decide to sleep instead of "attending" a family dinner.

Otherwise I'm pretty harmless. My parents are frustrated because they don't understand me, but I don't see how I do any damage, or make things difficult, other than them worrying about me.

My parents and sisters just know that they can't touch me or my food after they touch certain things, that I won't sit with them if they eat something that I (really) can't stand smelling, that I have certain rules, and that I don't like my room being changed somehow without my permission (it's my own domain). I don't think it's too much to ask...



Jimbeaux
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18 Feb 2010, 10:58 pm

It depends. My girlfriend's son Billy (10 year old aspie) can be VERY difficult to live with, or not a bother at all, depending on his mood.

Always having to cook 2 meals when we don't want to have burgers or buttered noodles is a colossal pain in the posterior, and that is a constant. Other than that, on good days, he just plays in his room, observes the 3 hours a day in the morning on the computer rule, or we tell jokes, play video games together, and watch funny videos.

On bad days, screaming tantrums (NOT meltdowns, I can tell the difference), threatening to smash things, pity parties (poor poor me), and no peace in the house. Difficult to deal with after working 60 hour weeks.

Fortunately, lately, there have been WAY more good days than bad.



daydreamer84
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19 Feb 2010, 12:35 am

I KNOW I am terribly difficult to live with!! !



Age1600
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19 Feb 2010, 1:51 am

idk what u mean by impossible, but yes i agree we can be differcul to live well i know i am, my mother has to do everything for me, cook, feed me, clean, does my hair, help pick out my clothes, help me get dressed with the hard stuff, makes sure i have supervision at times, etc etc, but its not like we well i know i dont do it on purpose, i think it jus gets overwhelming for some ppl, i snooped around once and found a letter my mother wrote to DDD and to her new attorney and to the government, had names on it i couldnt read that she needs to find me a group home soon because her health is suffering from raising me, and i can understand that, but it dpeneds on the individuals, and the indidivuals takin care of them, for some autism is the only thing they know and dont see it as differcult or easy, for others it extremely differcult, and for some it maybe easier for others. i wish i could jus take my auitism away jus for a dya or to magically sprinkle "self care" dust over me so i can jus take care of myself haha, i would prob sprinkle too much knowin me and somehow get high or more autisitc haha or sprinkle it wrong lol,, i jus made myself laugh, woo i love making fun of myself haha, ok, sorry, anyways so yes can be differcult for some but not all, really depends on the individuals i think in my opinion.


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Philologos
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19 Feb 2010, 2:05 am

Impossible for WHOM to live with? And how many of them are impossible for ME to live with?



Friskeygirl
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19 Feb 2010, 2:28 am

Quote:
Are Autistic people "impossible to live with"?

Apparently I am. :lol:



xdr5tgb
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19 Feb 2010, 2:39 am

I enjoy reading your posts. I give me great comfort to read about others finding ways to manage lives similar to mine, however, I don't think I would want to hang out with any of you for more than a few days.

I am pretty sure my co-worker is an aspie and she drives me nuts. She talks forever about things I don't care about. Everyone she associates is "brilliant" and she won't stop talking even when I start to walk away. I know she is lonely, but still, she not appealing to be around.

I am nearly a germaphobe and like to be frugal. I can stand a mess but not slime and grime. I don't need perfection but my way (whatever is is) is better since I have thought it all out.

Live with that! I am married 15 years with kids beleive it or not and I don't know how I did it. Few people would tolerate me, the wierd thing is I am regressing and getting worse.



League_Girl
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19 Feb 2010, 3:23 am

Age1600 wrote:
idk what u mean by impossible, but yes i agree we can be differcul to live well i know i am, my mother has to do everything for me, cook, feed me, clean, does my hair, help pick out my clothes, help me get dressed with the hard stuff, makes sure i have supervision at times, etc etc, but its not like we well i know i dont do it on purpose, i think it jus gets overwhelming for some ppl, i snooped around once and found a letter my mother wrote to DDD and to her new attorney and to the government, had names on it i couldnt read that she needs to find me a group home soon because her health is suffering from raising me, and i can understand that, but it dpeneds on the individuals, and the indidivuals takin care of them, for some autism is the only thing they know and dont see it as differcult or easy, for others it extremely differcult, and for some it maybe easier for others. i wish i could jus take my auitism away jus for a dya or to magically sprinkle "self care" dust over me so i can jus take care of myself haha, i would prob sprinkle too much knowin me and somehow get high or more autisitc haha or sprinkle it wrong lol,, i jus made myself laugh, woo i love making fun of myself haha, ok, sorry, anyways so yes can be differcult for some but not all, really depends on the individuals i think in my opinion.



That's good you can see it from your mother's point of view. What about your boyfriend? Don't you live with him?