Anyone here afraid they will never get a girlfriend?

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Einschmidt
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01 Mar 2010, 12:08 am

I am :cry:



shoshanna
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01 Mar 2010, 12:17 am

You will



Last edited by shoshanna on 01 Mar 2010, 3:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

Hector
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01 Mar 2010, 12:19 am

Yep. In my mid-teens I just didn't like being rejected, I kind of got over that, and then from around two years ago I started feeling like it perhaps was never going to happen. Since I speculated that a couple of girls liked me in school I reckoned that I would date in college, and my never getting any sight of a date as an undergraduate was a pretty big blow to my otherwise fairly robust self-esteem. I tried seeing someone on an internet forum and that didn't work either. I also tried picking up whatever tidbits of advice I could find but I haven't really learned anything new since I was nineteen or twenty.



Sound
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01 Mar 2010, 1:32 am

Einschmidt wrote:
I am :cry:

Why?



Jutty
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01 Mar 2010, 11:24 am

I use to think that I wouldn't find one either. I did have one for about 6 months, but that was almost 15 years ago. Only in the last few years have I realized that you'll be much happier not wishing to find one and that you just had gal pals.



Asp-Z
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01 Mar 2010, 11:28 am

shoshanna wrote:
You will


+1

I have, multiple times, and I'm hardly a popular or sociable person.



lotusblossom
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01 Mar 2010, 12:00 pm

I can 'pull' people relativey easily but I cant keep them, they always want to change me and give me a hard time for being myself.

I dont think I will ever find someone who understands me and accepts me as I am.



Asp-Z
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01 Mar 2010, 12:03 pm

lotusblossom wrote:
I dont think I will ever find someone who understands me and accepts me as I am.


Same here. Except another Aspie. I just wish Aspie girls were actually common.



pbcoll
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01 Mar 2010, 1:55 pm

lotusblossom wrote:
I dont think I will ever find someone who understands me and accepts me as I am.


I have the same problem, I just don't see it happening. Actually for that reason I'm not afraid I'll never get a gf, I know I'll never have the type of relationship I want, and have accepted that.


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Laz
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01 Mar 2010, 2:07 pm

Quote:
I dont think I will ever find someone who understands me and accepts me as I am.


Well I don't know about finding all three but I have found someone who accepted me a few times. Still working on the "understanding me" bit.

I don't think were mean't to understand each other as human beings. I mean I find I have enough difficulty understanding half the reasons people i interact with on a daily basis bother getting up in the morning.

Anyway
Two out of three ain't bad it seems to be my consistant score



Laz
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01 Mar 2010, 4:14 pm

When I was in my teens I would compromise to the point I forgot who I actually was then would come out of the relationship thinking WTF did I do that for?

I think at the end of the day we are never going to truly understand each other completly. I guess I kinda half buy into the old existential argument that each human being lives in their own universe in conflict between wanting to be true to who they are yet at the same time needing to feel accepted and belonging to others. Likewise partnerships are measured in success by how much each other can compromise to meet each others needs. And how long you can tolerate such a compromise.

Maybe I simply percieve this barrier because of this whole "theory of mind" concept. I just can't see how verbal and non-verbal communication are effective at communicating our thoughts and our perception (what we see) of the world to each other. I wonder though if we were capable as a species to communicate telepathically and directly access each others thoughts whether we would be able to function as a society any longer. It strikes me as something that would be a gross violation of what fundamentally makes you as a human being warts and all if everything within your mind is laid out for others to examine and experiance themselves.

totally going off topic here BTW



pbcoll
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01 Mar 2010, 5:15 pm

Laz wrote:
Quote:
I dont think I will ever find someone who understands me and accepts me as I am.


Well I don't know about finding all three but I have found someone who accepted me a few times. Still working on the "understanding me" bit.

I don't think were mean't to understand each other as human beings. I mean I find I have enough difficulty understanding half the reasons people i interact with on a daily basis bother getting up in the morning.

Anyway
Two out of three ain't bad it seems to be my consistant score


Actually I'd happily settle for being accepted, warts and all, even if not understood. That I don't see this happening is part of the reason why I don't even try to date anymore.


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MissConstrue
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01 Mar 2010, 5:21 pm

Just keep telling yourself that... :roll:


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Laz
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01 Mar 2010, 5:49 pm

Quote:
hat I don't see this happening is part of the reason why I don't even try to date anymore


Dating is a strange ritual i've never understood. I just seek friendship in others and go from there. I find the whole concept of a date a bizzare ritual. Why not just go out and speak to people as fellow human beings and go from there.



bully_on_speed
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01 Mar 2010, 6:01 pm

girlfriends are seriously overrated



pbcoll
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02 Mar 2010, 12:08 am

Laz wrote:
Quote:
hat I don't see this happening is part of the reason why I don't even try to date anymore


Dating is a strange ritual i've never understood. I just seek friendship in others and go from there. I find the whole concept of a date a bizzare ritual. Why not just go out and speak to people as fellow human beings and go from there.


I meant even trying to get a gf by any approach rather than the traditional dating route in particular, but I agree, it's a strange ritual I've never understood either, and it's a game I don't feel inclined to play.


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I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka)

El hombre es una bestia famélica, envidiosa e insaciable. (Francisco Tario)

I'm male by the way (yes, I know my avatar is misleading).