I like him, a lot. and It's scary...

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Cad
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03 Mar 2010, 12:38 am

Hey all,
Yes I posted the 'it sucks to be single' thread, and it does, still. However, there is this guy I've liked a LOT for about 3 years, we've known each other since 2008. I really really like him (can't say it's love, i don't know him that well yet) and finally, something seems to be happening between us which is AWESOME! And I'm really really happy but at the same time scared because I'm fiercely independant and even if I start falling in love which I think is happening (at a frightening speed) I NEED time to myself and I'm afraid all my independence will vanish. This is probably because my past few ex's have been suffocating and I hated it. So I guess my questions to you guys are:
1. Do you think you can be in love with someone and still be fiercely independent?
2. How do you tell people early in a relationship you need space?

Any help will be appreciated!

-Cad ;)



hartzofspace
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03 Mar 2010, 2:03 am

First of all, I am glad that you find yourself strongly attracted to someone. I recently entered a relationship, and things are relatively new, still. One thing, is that both of us are Aspies, and we both seem to give each other lots of space. I don't think I would want to actually live with anyone, after being free for so long. l have noticed that the two of us have settled into a natural rhythm, of seeing each other about 3 times a week, with alone time in between. I get to miss him, and then feel very glad to see him again.

As for your question, I think you should be clear and up front. Let this person know that you need alone time, to recharge for together time. Good luck!


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Cad
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03 Mar 2010, 2:08 am

Thanks hartzofspace for your reply :D it makes sense to be upfront about it, and It's good that you understand my need for alone time as well.



Who_Am_I
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03 Mar 2010, 5:03 am

1. Yes.

2. "I need a lot of time to myself".


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Villette
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03 Mar 2010, 8:19 am

You can but it will be an unconventional relationship. Tell him "I am very much an individual and have a phobia of being smothered/controlled. I really appreciate my freedom."



Cad
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04 Mar 2010, 9:09 pm

Villette wrote:
You can but it will be an unconventional relationship. Tell him "I am very much an individual and have a phobia of being smothered/controlled. I really appreciate my freedom."


thanks for the post, Villette :)



Dellingr
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05 Mar 2010, 5:45 am

Cad wrote:
...at the same time scared because I'm fiercely independant and even if I start falling in love which I think is happening (at a frightening speed) I NEED time to myself and I'm afraid all my independence will vanish...


can definitely relate to you there, it's something I worry a whole lot about in the event that I ever have mutual feelings for and with someone else.

1: yeah, call me an optimist but I think it's definitely possible, I'm told that relationships work best when your love for each other is greater than your need for each other-which seems sensible to me (though human nature is often anything but)
2: For me, it'd probably be part of The Talk about my AS, though I'm aware that a lot of people wouldn't want to tell their special someone until they were really close-if ever


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jawbrodt
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05 Mar 2010, 5:56 am

This is what I do....I say "I'm going to tell you up front, that I need my alone time, periodically. If not, I'll eventually get burned out, then dump your ass." :P


I'm not sure if that helped any?LOL

:wink:


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