First Friday

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I did First Friday for the first time in my life, in KC. For those unfamiliar, "F.F." is the first Friday of each month, when galleries have new shows, and people come out to generally mingle, and all that.

I was nervous at first, expecting a rowdy bacchanal, which seems to be how most parties I go to end up. Instead, it was right up my ally. It started early, around 6:00 PM CST, and ended around 9:30. There was wine and cheese, but it was orderly and nice. Lots of young people. I plan on going again, but I really want to conquer the feeling I have that I'm an outsider.

I'm so fascinated by all the people my age who dress hip and cool, and are sexy and attractive and in groups, and I feel totally disconnected. I want to connect! I so want to talk to one of the pretty girls I see, but god damn me, I can't do it. I'm afraid I won't fit in, will be thought of as a cretin who wants ONLY one thing, that I'll be a fraud, a tool, what I fear I am.

Does this make sense? What do I do to conquer all this doubt in myself, to make some new ties?

Were you able to mingle? Openings were always the worst for me. Talk about your social paralysis. Gack.

I understand what you're saying. You might find the more you go, the easier it will be to approach other people. I would also try to go to other events like that one if possible. Observe and listen to what other people say to each other then put it in your own words or think of something you would of said instead had you been speaking. You can also practice saying greetings differently to an object (subsitute person) when you alone. It might help your words to flow more easily. It sounds like a great time. I wish you all the best.

Taupey

Hi,

Sounds like there's a good potential for interaction there.

Would it work to ask questions? Most people, especially Aspies but NTs too, like to talk about what they are interested in. Since you haven't done this much, there may be a lot of things about events or artworks on display that you don't know much about. Maybe you could do a bit of preliminary research on the internet so you have a general idea of what kinds of questions you might like to ask of people. And even if you do know a fair amount about a subject, it might be useful to still ask questions to see what others think.

I know it's easier written than done. The hard part is not asking the first question. It's asking the second and third. I know I have a hard time thinking on my feet and it's the follow up questions that sometimes leave me a bit at a loss. But if you know a bit about the subject that gives you a bit of an edge in asking the follow ups.

You might end up in a few conversations where you just aren't interested, but consider it payment for the other conversations that you get in that are really involving.

It sounds like it could be a really good experience and I'm sure we all would like to hear how next "First Friday" goes.

Good luck,

Lars