"Oh beans, beans, I love my beans, better than chicken or turnip greens!
Now, butter beans and navy beans are fine, you will agree-
or black-eyed peas and pinto beans, they all taste good to me-
I never get enough of them, I guess I never will,
I eat so many beans, they make be bathe in chlorophyl-
I went to see my girl last night, that girl is really smart-
she knows that through my stomach, is the shortcut to my heart-
she cooked a pot of beans for me, and I had quite a snack!
As soon as I got up, I blew the shirt right off my back!
One evening, I was playing pool with some of my old gang,
down at the local billiard parlor where the boys all hang,
I looked around and sneaked one out, just as an airplane passed,
'My God, they yelled, a war is started! We're all being gassed!'
I had some beans for dinner, and went to see a show,
no sooner than I sat down, than the winds began to blow-
the people all around me soon began to hold their breath-
strong men began to weep, and 18 women choked to death!
I went out to a party, it was in a crowded room,
and pretty soon the air was filled, with black-eyed-pea perfume-
a guy pulled-out a gas-mask, as he headed for the door,
he said 'I came prepared, because I heard of you before!'
One day, I took a boatride, and my beans would not behave-
I blew the boat from under me, and caused a tidal wave!
and once I went into the biggest building in the town,
next day a wrecking crew was there, to tear the building down!
Once I went to a concert, in a very swanky hall,
before the show was through, I nearly caused a free-for-all!
I accidently let one out, and hit the key of G-
a baritone upon the stage, was thrown plumb out of key!
Beans, beans, I love my beans, better than chicken or tuurrr-nip greeeeens!"
[from an old 50s novelty ditty]