Are most Aspies unable to work or live independently?

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millie
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18 Mar 2010, 12:10 am

I first left home at 18 - to live with a sibling briefly- and then returned home. I then lived with parents until the age of 22. After the psychiatric unit, my parents (dad and step-mum) actually told me I needed to move out.
I moved out, floundered, could not feel myself, tried to go to uni, dropped out again and went on beneifts. (all in spite of duxing at school.) Then I floundered some more, barely able to pay bills or eat properly. I returned home to live again at 28.

Eventually I was given government housing and i was on a pension for years.

Then I was in and out of institutions and at 36 I went to my last institution, in the country, and resettled in a small town and i have been able to manage ok since.
I was definitely developmentally behind my peers, but people told me I was hopeless, irresponsible, defiant, rebellious,lazy, too smart and a chronic procrastinator.
I was actually none of those things. I was simply undiagnosed ASD with ADHD and with co-morbids of anxiety and depression.

THese days I do not live alone. I live with my son and also with my ex-partner and the friendship of my ex partner certainly makes it easier for me to cope with the day to day simplicities of life.
I can function on my own if I am in government housing, with a pension and I can just do some special interests and some part time work in relation to my special interests. I cannot work full time and I could not cope with the normal work/social life load that is the norm in our culture. I simply cannot cope with it and meltdown and get too overwhelmed.

But the way it is working now is working really well. It's the best I have ever lived in my life. there's proper treatment, proper help with my AS, some real peace and some final acceptance of who i am and why things have been so hard.

At 47 it has come late...but better late than never and I am grateful for that.



Taupey
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18 Mar 2010, 9:27 am

millie wrote:
I first left home at 18 - to live with a sibling briefly- and then returned home. I then lived with parents until the age of 22. After the psychiatric unit, my parents (dad and step-mum) actually told me I needed to move out.
I moved out, floundered, could not feel myself, tried to go to uni, dropped out again and went on beneifts. (all in spite of duxing at school.) Then I floundered some more, barely able to pay bills or eat properly. I returned home to live again at 28.

Eventually I was given government housing and i was on a pension for years.

Then I was in and out of institutions and at 36 I went to my last institution, in the country, and resettled in a small town and i have been able to manage ok since.
I was definitely developmentally behind my peers, but people told me I was hopeless, irresponsible, defiant, rebellious,lazy, too smart and a chronic procrastinator.
I was actually none of those things. I was simply undiagnosed ASD with ADHD and with co-morbids of anxiety and depression.

THese days I do not live alone. I live with my son and also with my ex-partner and the friendship of my ex partner certainly makes it easier for me to cope with the day to day simplicities of life.
I can function on my own if I am in government housing, with a pension and I can just do some special interests and some part time work in relation to my special interests. I cannot work full time and I could not cope with the normal work/social life load that is the norm in our culture. I simply cannot cope with it and meltdown and get too overwhelmed.

But the way it is working now is working really well. It's the best I have ever lived in my life. there's proper treatment, proper help with my AS, some real peace and some final acceptance of who i am and why things have been so hard.

At 47 it has come late...but better late than never and I am grateful for that.


You have endured quite a lot in your life Millie. I respect you for surviving all that you have. And that goes for everyone else who's been through so much and most of the time been so misunderstood. We definitely need more Aspergers and Autism Awareness all over the World. I only recently realized I have AS myself.



millie
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18 Mar 2010, 3:51 pm

Thank you Taupey. Many of us have endured a lot and come through. Life is really fine these days. It's always a bit strange and I am an oddbod and I've even been told by some more belligerent aspie types that I am crazy :lol:

I'm a creative AS type - which from what I can glean is quite different to some of the more science based or extreme logic based types. I've clashed with the latter and the latter clashed with me, but maybe that was because of other issues. who know....

Life is good.
good to be alive.
good to be me.



ASgirl
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18 Mar 2010, 4:06 pm

since leaving boarding school at the age of 18, i have been living on my own. my family lives 6000 miles away. i worked for 7 years as a management consultant before returning to full time education to do my phd. although i know i am able to have a proper job, it was the saddest 7 years of my leave. the work itself was ok but the daily struggle socially was really draining.



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27 Mar 2010, 2:47 pm

You know what my favorite fantasy is? :D I'd love to have the power of mind control to travel all over the world and search for rich people whom I'd in turn convince thanks to my powers that their life aim is taking care of me - giving me money and stuff, letting me live in their houses, taking me into interesting places :D - I wouldn't need to work nor take care of myself, it's so boring :x In this way I would always have someone to look after me :twisted:



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27 Mar 2010, 8:42 pm

what of cultures that dont see kids as..kick them out, and they liver totally separate lives?"


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Taupey
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27 Mar 2010, 9:15 pm

Irulan wrote:
You know what my favorite fantasy is? :D I'd love to have the power of mind control to travel all over the world and search for rich people whom I'd in turn convince thanks to my powers that their life aim is taking care of me - giving me money and stuff, letting me live in their houses, taking me into interesting places :D - I wouldn't need to work nor take care of myself, it's so boring :x In this way I would always have someone to look after me :twisted:


:shock:



lucky0979
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27 Mar 2010, 9:38 pm

there is not a single person in the world NT or ASD that doesn't rely on someone else regarding work or living situation in some way. no-one was, is now or ever will be totally independent in every single way, shape or form, we are social creatures and we all need one another in some way



Irulan
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28 Mar 2010, 5:08 am

Taupey wrote:
Irulan wrote:
You know what my favorite fantasy is? :D I'd love to have the power of mind control to travel all over the world and search for rich people whom I'd in turn convince thanks to my powers that their life aim is taking care of me - giving me money and stuff, letting me live in their houses, taking me into interesting places :D - I wouldn't need to work nor take care of myself, it's so boring :x In this way I would always have someone to look after me :twisted:


:shock:


It would be really great :D :twisted:



Asp-Z
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28 Mar 2010, 6:04 am

I live with my parents because I'm 15, but I'm planning to move out at 18 as long as I have the money.

In the long term I plan to be exteremely rich, as in hundreds of millions, and I plan on moving to Monaco (for tax reasons, namely the lack of it, and because there's no crime).

So I'd say I'm gonna be very independant, and I'll have a lot of responsibility as I'm starting businesses to make this money too.



Taupey
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28 Mar 2010, 5:06 pm

Irulan wrote:
Taupey wrote:
Irulan wrote:
You know what my favorite fantasy is? :D I'd love to have the power of mind control to travel all over the world and search for rich people whom I'd in turn convince thanks to my powers that their life aim is taking care of me - giving me money and stuff, letting me live in their houses, taking me into interesting places :D - I wouldn't need to work nor take care of myself, it's so boring :x In this way I would always have someone to look after me :twisted:


:shock:


It would be really great :D :twisted:


Yeah for YOU!
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Francis
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28 Mar 2010, 6:02 pm

Living independently and having a job with substantial earnings are related, but are actually two different things. If one was born wealthy, they could live independently, but not have to work. Or in my case, one can hold a good job but never have lived independently. I work as a electical engineer, specializing in fiber optic communications. I earn more then both my parents combined. However, I have never lived independently. I went from my parents house to living with my wife. She shops for my clothes, picks them out for work, does the whole bill paying thing, calls and sets all the appointments, answers the phone at the house, talks to my parents for me, cooking, cleaning, laundry, deals with all the various people that you need to deal with on a daily basis. I earn a pretty good living, but I could never live independently. If we ever split up, I would have to marry again or hire some type of life coach to deal with the daily crap. (unless they come up with some type of garanimals for adults)



Taupey
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28 Mar 2010, 6:24 pm

It's a great deal of work doing all of the things your wife does. Some people today have no respect for women who stay home and do all of that. You're very appreciative of all she does. And sounds like you both make a great team. :)



Joe90
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07 Apr 2010, 5:34 pm

I am 20, but haven't had a paid job before. I left college at 18, and did volluntry work ever since. I am currently on job-seekers and still doing my volluntry work at a charity shop - which I really enjoy. Everyone there accepts me (for the first time in my life), and that is great.
But the purpose of being on job-seekers in that I need to be actively looking for paid work, which I am finding it very awkward for many different reasons. One reason is my routine of going to the charity shop and feeling at home and accepted there is important to me. I'm finding it hard to break that.
But on the other hand, I want a change of routine. But I am very unconfident of finding a job. I sometimes have to force myself to walk into a shop in the high street and physically give out a CV of mine. I am just nervous. There are always people in the way, and I don't want them all to see me say ''can I leave a CV with you'' at the front of a big queue - I just get embarrassed. It's unconfidentness. It's inevetible for me.
Also, if I get a job I'd have to wear clothes what I don't want to wear. I'd have to wear things like collar and buttons, and I hate wearing any clothing with collars or buttons on. And when I walk to work (or get the bus) everyone will know where I'm going, and that is another thing what is holding me back.
Also, the people. I don't want to work with other youngsters. They all seem to outgoing and confident for me, and I prefer to work with older people. But then I'm scared I might not get accepted, and people there might start treating me the way they want and using me as a ''dogs body''. I don't like people like that. This is my only life I will ever get, and I don't want to spend each day living in misery and loneliness. Not at 20 years old - when I should be enjoying my young life.
Mostly, the hours are bothering me. I will tell you why. . .it's because of teenagers at school-age. I feel terribly intimidated by them, and the thought of having to finish work the same time as all those boisterous, loud teenagers hanging out in their big groups frightens me. I like to be home when it's time for all them to come out of school. I like to be hidden. I would love to just work 9 til 3. Surely there are jobs out there what only want 9 til 3.
Lastly, I can't work somewhere where I'm on my feet for hours, because I am very weak-muscled in my feet. I had a 2-week work experience a few months ago, and it was only from 1pm to 5pm on Mondays and Fridays, in a supermarket, but by the time 5pm came, I was ill. Every time. My feet were throbbing, my legs hurted, my eyes couldn't stay open (even though I had to walk 1 mile home), my blood had drained from my face, I was so hungry that I was shakey, I had a bad sore throat, I had a massive headache, I felt like I was getting a flu. . .and this was every time I went.
My Asperger's is holding me back from getting employment. It's a massive issue for me. I need a job in a more quiet shop, like a book shop or a little card shop, or a newsagents, or a sweet shop, or a small coffee shop. I can't work somewhere where there's hustle and bustle and lots of things to do at once. I am too weak and I need to be in a calm environment. Noise don't worry me too much - but I'd rather work in a small, quiet shop where there's less to do but still not boring.
I think stacking shelves in a supermarket is the most boring, lonely thing in the world.



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07 Apr 2010, 6:46 pm

I don't know if I'll ever live independently... my goal is to move from my parents' house to a group home to my own apartment with people coming in to help me.

As for working, I have a part time job at the animal shelter where I clean cages and walk dogs. I graduated from college, but right now, that job is as much (more sometimes more) than I can realistically handle...



Taupey
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07 Apr 2010, 8:10 pm

Joe90,

I can see how a super market/grocery would be difficult to work in. I get so exhausted and overwhelmed just going to buy food.

Don't work anywhere fast paced where there are young rowdy people and loud busy crowds. You know what you need better than anyone. Work at something you like. Don't feel pressured to do otherwise. Follow your bliss, Joe.

I wish you the best in finding a good job. Please let me know how you're doing. :)

Taupey