Who worries about their child's future?

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Francis - I actually think all humans - ESPECIALLY north americans, would be better people if we spent more time ALONE. We have an almost unspoken fear of being alone with our own thoughts in this culture, so we clutter it up with superficial social situations. I think your 4 day bike trip sounds like something more NTs should do.

You would have been such a perfect fit with my mom as your mom!

I also would much rather be alone than hang with uncongenial people or do things I don't enjoy just for company. Still, it's hard to see my son so lonely. He truly wants friends. Yesterday we went to an event where there were four other boys who all love to roughhouse too and he was as happy as an inchwork on a yardstick. (I just ran across that phrase in a book and it tickles me. ) He's starting playing with stuffed animals, trying to imitate the relationship Calvin has with Hobbes.

Well I don't know your son. I don't know how old he is or the nature of his problems, but generally speaking, if it's AS he has, I really don't see any reason why you would think he would not be able to care for himself as an adult.

I was actually quite shocked to hear from my father that my parents thought I would have to live in a group home when I was older. The fact that they'd think this illustrates they really didn't know me at all when I was younger.

The problem was, rather than try to get to know me and understand me, most of the time my parents and others spent with me was trying to get me to act a certain way....in other words, micromanaging my life, when all I really wanted was to be left alone to live my life my own way.

Once they started doing this (they had mid-life crises and gave up on parenting when I was 15 and left me to do what I wanted), I was just fine. I was quite capable of taking care of myself and quite happy to be left alone.

I FINALLY had time to sort my life out myself, taught myself all the math I couldn't learn in school other people's ways, and applied to and got into a world renowned university.

My parents currently consider me the most together person in the family.

We with AS are not stupid and it's very frustrating that the extent of our abilities and psyche is so underestimated.

"we're working on making up the bed"

I don't mean this in any type of negative way but....

Honestly what is the point of making the bed every day? You just unmake it at the end of the day.

Why is it not good enough to just toss the blankets over the pillow as they are so the cat or dog (if you have one) doesn't get fur all over the pillow?

I don't understand why this should be such an important skill or task in life.

I have my son make his bed too. For me it's not the "making of the bed" that is my goal. The reason for me doing that is to teach him to be responsible for something without being told and it's an easy chore that he can do. I also teach him that each person in the house has responsibility to be part of this community (our family), where each of us share the responsiblilities and together if we get the necessary things finished, then we have more time for leasure, and nobody is overwhelmed by taking everything on themselves. Chores in general not only teach him the value of money (because he gets an allowance, and he has to save for stuff) but it gives him life skills that he can use in the future, such as doing something that is necessary even if you don't want to. It also teaches him to care for the things he has. I don't expect him to produce a perfect, unwrinkled bed because he's too short to do that, but I do want him to make some effort.

I love that you pointed out the futility in making the bed. One of the greatest gifts my son has given me, is re-thinking the benefit and logic of certain cultural expectations - he has shown me that I'm wasting so much time and effort in my life trying to do things 'just because', when really there are so many other more purposeful things one could be using your time for. I've found that if I expect him to do something 'just because', and it really makes little logical sense, he is unlikely to live up to my expectations and in that there is a lesson - not about his lack of effort - but about my unreasonable expectations.

Simon puts an effort into the things that matter most to him, and while there are times it drives me crazy with frustration when I want him to put an effort into what I THINK matters, and as he matures he needs to gain a certain level of awareness and respect for other people's priorities, I also feel we could all learn a thing or two about setting our own standards, rather than conforming blindly to society's.