Do you choose to walk alone?

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I know that is a cryptic title, so I will explain it.

I know there are A LOT of guys (and gals too probably) on here who are still searching for to find someone special or they're trying to find a member of the opposite sex for companionship.

However I wonder how many aspies willingly choose and accept being single. I don't mean being rejected, and still yearning to be loved, but actually coming to acceptance with being alone and not seeking woman or men out romantically.

Personally speaking, I've chosen to be single for about 5 or 6 months now. I honestly feel that I don't deserve to be in a relationship because of how I handled myself when I was alone. I also don't understand the concept of romantic love, it is hard for me to believe in the idea of completely opening your heart and surrendering all your thoughts, feelings, and insecurities to a member of the opposite sex.

Do any of you feel the same way?

www.quirkyalone.net

Myself, but only for a while until I get my life sorted out. Searching for a lady that I'd want to stick with is pointless until I am capable of displaying my full value. In my state of reduced value, I will only get interest from women who've got issues, or that I don't find particularly attractive.

I'm not sure if this is precisely the angle you were looking for... I'm not asexual, and the only other reason someone would choose not to seek love at all is because they're too afraid of it, and entrenched in a self-deception. Or perhaps still stuck in a bitter phase.

I'm quite a bit older but I think I am to that point without feeling bitter or cynical. Some time ago I realized my failures had more to do with my own fears of emotional intimacy and commitment than anything else. That kind of thing is almost a cliche about men, but I am female.

I want to be with someone but I am not seeking anyone out. I actually don't want to be with someone, I want to be with 'the' one. I really don't want another pointless pain in the @ss relationship that I kill myself trying to make work.

I have turned it over though. I have pretty much made a deal with the universe if there is someone out there for me just to put them in my path or let me run into them with my car (not fatally)...something really obvious. Because when I go looking for it I completely screw it up. I'm toast, though, pretty much where this is concerned. I'm getting back in school and I'm going to focus on that.

I'm aiming to achieve that state - of being devoid of the desire in the first place. It is a bit like becoming a monk. I'm afraid this will upset many legions of attractive women who are desperate to have me. But, I'm just too cool to be having sex with lots of attractive and fun young women.

I like how you put that

Every time that I try going on a date, or seeing someone for a time and things inevitably fail, I find myself in that place... Where I'm really just not interested, and in fact, feel very comfortable (relieved, even) with the notion of just staying single forever.

Last December I tried going out on dates (two different guys) and all I can say is, "ughhh..." Afterward, I was saying that unless something were to fall in my lap and somehow be guaranteed to work out, I wasn't interested. People would laugh, but I was quite serious. Then this time (new interest), things did just sort of fall into my lap, and they seemed to be working out quite well (for a while). Not so much anymore. So I think I'm edging a little closer to actually "choosing and accepting" being single. Though, I could just be feeling jaded right now. Who knows. I think that maybe it's like a lesson learned... Every time I try, and it doesn't work out I wonder, "How many times can I learn this same lesson, see the same results, before I finally realize that it isn't going to work?"

It's strange, though. I get lonely after a time, and wish I could have a companion, but then when I actually go for it (start to see someone), it's just too overwhelming. And not necessarily worth it. Either they aren't worth it (because I'm not interested enough in them), or the frustration/pain isn't. I also consider that perhaps relationships just aren't my thing. Life is always simpler when I'm alone. Would be nice to be able to just be at peace with that.

I'm single by choice.

My last relationship ended in 2003. Yeah, I guess I choose to be single since then, but I think I'm just way too depressed to care about anything other than surviving yet another day.

I've thought about just remaining single for the rest of my life, but I don't think it can be done. The last relationship I was in, I wasn't happy when I was in it. I was pretty much indifferent the entire time and told myself that it would be my last one (also, incidentally, it was my first one). When it ended, I wasn't exactly sitting in my apartment heartbroken, listening to poorly sung opera and writing bad breakup poetry, calling the guy over and over again. I just tried to make sense of things (from a social standpoint, as in why he said what he'd said and what it REALLY meant... things an NT would have known to begin with), and then moved on.

But there are certain events that you just can't go to alone. I live in a really small town and if people even suspected that I might be "different", well then...

So it might be useful every once in awhile to put on a complete facade and fake my way through life, no matter how miserable it makes me.

I have to ask, is depersonalization a common co-morbidity with autism?

Damn. That SUCKS.


Why is that?

I'm single by choice, because I like to have the space to be able to be myself and do my own thing.

I feel like I'm some how a failure when it comes to relationships. It's like half of me feels completely alone and I don't feel "desirable" enough to be in one. But I think I've gotten to the point where I've become use to it. I spent the majority of my life single and without friends. I think I've grown accustom to this lifestyle that the thought of having to get out of my shell scares the bejeezus out of me.

On the otherhand, I feel like there's so much I have to give up if I want to be in a relationship. That's at least how I felt with my last brief one. I'm not great in being aware about another's feelings or how I come off to them. There's so much effort and struggles I've gone through just to even be "accepted" by friends and family. It's even harder with the opposite sex since of course they're going to go for the girl that's the eye candy and has an upbeat personality. I'm neither of those and I can't even begin to pretend. Maybe for a while but then it becomes too much and in my experience, when they see my true colors, it's a hit and miss.

This has been a problem for me, as well. Friends of mine drive me crazy telling me I have to go out and do things... Join groups, sports teams, etc. I like staying home. They just don't get that. But they have a point in that guys aren't going to just start knocking on my door Again, relationships are not a huge priority, though. (Until I'm in one).



When I was younger I would try to be outgoing and upbeat, etc, and it was obviously considered attractive to others. Problem is, it usually wore off, and then I was feeling even more introverted, to make up for the excess socializing I had engaged in. I found (even with friends) that people would be very drawn to me initially, like I had put them under some charismatic trance, but within a couple of weeks, they'd lose interest.

For years now, I've just been exactly who I am, oddities and all (wear them on my sleeve, in fact) whenever I meet new people. I figure they'll likely be put off by me, but better that happens up front, than after I've gotten attached/hopeful. And when they aren't put off, it indicates to me that the friendship is more likely worth the risk/effort on my part

The path of solitude is all I know right now.

Yes and no.

Yes, this I understand. There's a lot of activities I can get into w/o the need for companionship. It's nice to strike up a conversation, but at the end of the day, there's not a lot of folks who like the things I like. Maybe it's being selfish or self-centered, but being with someone who is going to make it more difficult for you to do the things you like -- sorry but no.



If it bothers you, get over it. You probably don't understand Latin, but it doesn't make you any less of a person. Some people are not equipped or capable of handling all situations, just don't beat yourself up over it.