Ode to Nice Guys

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That's what I'm saying. No means no, and that should be shown in action as well, not just verbally. If you say "no" with your mouth, but your actions show otherwise (even if subconsciously), there's inconsistency going on.

I doubt most (if not all) of them were platonic unless they were gay or both you and they were happily in relationships at the time (though it makes me wonder why you would spend time together so much anyway).

You doubting it aint got a goddamned thing to do with whether or not it's true. Doubt the moon landing all you want too.

Your experiences don't have to equate to mine. You want a list of my guy friends noq buddy ro? I'll gladly give them. Why don't YOU to talk to them and ask. LOL

I shouldn't have to turn into a right royal cow just to get a guy to back off and not b***h about me behind my back. Because then other guys who I AM attracted to are simply going to stay away due to the fact I am a nasty person to any guy who shows any sort of interest!

You men think us women are complicated, you men are worse! Especially the autistic ones it seems!

Ask them yourself and see what they have to say. I bet I'm mostly right.

Thanks for judging. Note that I didn't say anything against women this discussion, but you had to condemn men just because I said something a lot of men will nod their heads to but many women would not want to agree with.

Well, males happen to be the ones who do this to me most. Funnily enough, never had this problem with lesbians (I'm bisexual).

I'm sick of the whole thing. Like I said, bring on the acid.

To OliveOilMom, please check this:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the ... be-friends

That's a generalisation and not true across the board. It may be true concerning those women described in the original post.


I kind of agree with the part "many girls are just illogical, manipulative b*****s", though I'm not sure if it's many or some. But it's when a nice guy pines after an illogical, manipulative b***h that this story unfolds time and time again. I can't feel much sympathy, because while these nice guys are saying "she just keeps going for these jerks", they are doing the same thing!

Yeah, maybe the jerk girl just needs to grow out of it, so maybe the nice guy should just be patient...or...he could forget her for the time being and go for someone who is already a nice girl. Sure, there might not be many (I honesty don't know), but it seems a more sensible approach than pining after, and whinging about, the illogical, manipulative b*****s.

I bet your not because I went through that one drunken night of "Damn why aint we hooked up yet?" with each. Sorry dude but you are wrong. If you need to make it not true you are certainly welcome to use the brain thing that does it lol. Grow up, not everything is what you experienced. It's not what I experienced either but that's just is.

I'm not saying women feel attraction for jerk behavior (in case that's what you thought I was saying). I'm saying that niceness is a quality that many women find appealing just not something to be attracted to (and, of course, I mean in general terms despite my word usage). A nice guy who's successful in a relationship is successful because of other positive traits he may possess. Being nice is a bonus. In general, f course.

Of course, it could also be that I'm completely wrong about this, but I doubt it.

So it's not really platonic (as you implicitly just said you thought of having romance with them).

T|Yeah but when you do YOU aren't gonna believe it happened

When I do what exactly? Some five years ago, I had one girl express interest in me after a couple of interactions with her. But as I wasn't attracted to her, and I had an interest in someone else back then, I had to be honest with her and let her know I wasn't interested in a relationship with her. And we left on good notes. And that was that.

If she had called me a manipulative or hateful b***h after that, that would've been her problem, not mine. I know I didn't string her along.

Anyway, why are we getting bitter about this? Did I really say something so offensive?

EDIT: Plus, as a typical Aspie man, I'm very rarely put in a position to reject/accept the love interest of a friend. Most of the time, they reject me.

Uh.. thanks
Though I don't have any issues being called ubiquitously nice; I see it as basic survivalism. Also there's plenty of anecdotal proof that the nice guy finishes last phenomenon can continue forever.

Have you TOLD them you're not interested? Seriously this is the core of the problem. We are not psychic. If you notice, the male of the species is actually DOING something visible, overt and noticeable..something beyond being just a friend. In many cases the guy might even tell you he's interested..verbally, directly.

This is where the issue begins. Tell me.. if you know you're not interested, you know he is interested (as per above listed things) do you:

A- Tell him you're not interested
B- Don't tell him you're not interested and let him keep doing it.

I bet you do B. Thats what the vast majority do. For whatever reason they allow the guy to keep thinking there is a possibility and the longer it keeps running and the more positive feedback is received the more convinced he gets until he asks and only then he gets bombed into the friendzone.



Only a jerk would try to force it. That meaning he knows you're not interested and tries to push it. However, the majority of us simply haven't realized you're not interested. You haven't told us and we keep getting signals from you that you're either interested or at the very least not disenchanted with the efforts at earning your affection.

Granted, a woman could be interested and mid-path change her mind. That's ok. As long as you inform us. More often than not this does not happen. This is where the 'manipulative' comment comes from. Whether on purpose or not the end result is the guy gets roped for weeks or months..most of the times spending a lot of time and resources only to find out at the end that she wasn't interested from early on. How do you expect this not to be perceived as manipulative?