Dating another person on the spectrum vs dating a NT

Page 2 of 2 [ 30 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

Aspiewifey
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 15 Mar 2010
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 64

19 Mar 2010, 8:35 pm

Asp-Z wrote:

They can't understand us and we can't understand them, it is a two-way thing. But you have a successful relationship with someone who you don't understand and who don't understand you.


MichelleRM78 wrote:
I actually don't believe that at all. I don't for a second think he understands me. He tells me as much. But he accepts how I am. I, on the other hand, do understand him-- mostly. Maybe it is my ability to feel more empathy. Who knows? I know that no one can completely understand anyone else. No one has been through the exact same things as someone else. But nothing is exclusive. We do experience some of the same things and some very different things. That's true for any relationship. There is too much of an "Us vs Them" mentality.


I heard an interview with Tony Attwood where he said Aspies in romantic relationships tend to go one of two ways, either with other Aspies or with people who are on the other extreme. People who are SO empathic that they really can "get into the Aspie mind." When my husband was getting tested, one of the questionaires was scored so that if you got over 32 (I think it was 32...it was around there anyway), you qualified as AS. The "normal/average" score was a 15. Just for fun and a sense of solidarity, I took the test too. He scored a 38; I scored a 6. He says I "get" him more than anyone else he's ever met. Actually one of his recurring jokes is pretend-yell at me "Get out of my head!!"



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 45,520
Location: Houston, Texas

20 Mar 2010, 3:31 am

Also, keep in mind that some definitions of "NT" can vary.


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!

Now proficient in ChatGPT!


Kitsuneguy21
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 40

22 Mar 2010, 10:19 pm

would i date a fellow Aspie or an NT? at this point, i think i would date either, as i have no experience with dating. Though i did find one girl that tolerates me and actually seems to like me for me, she has no interest in dating though. To my knowledge she is a NT. I haven't had any good experiences with the fem Aspies i have known.



English_Chick_21
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2009
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 47

22 Mar 2010, 11:53 pm

well i am only 17 and i have not had a lot of dating expericnce.
But i am currently going out with a guy who has Aspeger just like me and we have been going out 8 months. I met him through a support group that we are both in.
I think that any relationship is hard and true aspy realtionships may be harder if one or both have aspeger but it is all worth while if you love the person you are with. Don't you think?

I think that it doesn't not matter if you date a aspy, a non aspy or even an animal, as long as you love eachother then thats all there is.



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 45,520
Location: Houston, Texas

23 Mar 2010, 12:47 am

English_Chick_21 wrote:
I think that any relationship is hard and true aspy realtionships may be harder if one or both have aspeger but it is all worth while if you love the person you are with.


I couldn't have said this better yourself.

And guys, if you prefer other Aspies, don't let the numbers game get to you. Just keep pressing on until you find a good one.


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!

Now proficient in ChatGPT!


hale_bopp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Nov 2004
Gender: Female
Posts: 17,054
Location: None

23 Mar 2010, 2:48 am

I don't think its very healthy dating an animal ;)



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 45,520
Location: Houston, Texas

23 Mar 2010, 3:03 am

hale_bopp wrote:
I don't think its very healthy dating an animal ;)

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!

Now proficient in ChatGPT!


GoatOnFire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,986
Location: Den of the ecdysiasts

23 Mar 2010, 3:15 am

Yeah, dating an animal is a waste of money. You don't really have to bother with taking them out on a date. If you get bitten that means "no".

On one hand dating an aspie is nice because you may understand each other better. On the other hand dating an NT can give you a partner that can do most of the talking.


_________________
I will befriend the friendless, help the helpless, and defeat... the feetless?


Kitsuneguy21
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 13 Mar 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 40

24 Mar 2010, 8:26 pm

GoatOnFire wrote:
Yeah, dating an animal is a waste of money. You don't really have to bother with taking them out on a date. If you get bitten that means "no".

On one hand dating an aspie is nice because you may understand each other better. On the other hand dating an NT can give you a partner that can do most of the talking.
true, true...



FreeSpirit2000
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 7 Aug 2009
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 283
Location: Somewhere

26 Mar 2010, 8:14 pm

My opinions are not all NT's a problem-free people. There are some NT's who are drug addicts, alcoholics, ex-convicts, gamblers, and have a host of other problems. Be careful of the people you choose and don't assume things too much. Get to know the person and don't jump too fast into a relationship. These are my suggestions about AS/NT relationships.

But in my case, I am an AS person who is looking for a physically attractive bad girl NT type. This is my suggestion and opinion.



English_Chick_21
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2009
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 47

28 Mar 2010, 5:32 am

animals???? why? who came up with that idea?

can someone pm me about aspys and high school



MishLuvsHer2Boys
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Oct 2004
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,491
Location: Canada

29 Mar 2010, 2:23 pm

I can honestly say, online I've dated a few males on the spectrum, mostly AS, so far mostly disasters. There is only one male that I've dated on the spectrum that I seem to do well with and he is HFA. He fits well in with me and my sons who are also on the spectrum, just been hard due to the distance... I'm in Canada, he's in Australia. :)



oshibka
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

User avatar

Joined: 19 Feb 2010
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 23

29 Mar 2010, 5:40 pm

I would prefer dating an NT for the benefit of increased social insight, and my past two girlfriends were both NT as far as I can tell. I consider myself open to dating someone with AS, but I am not going to go out of my way to find women with AS for the sake of dating.



CelticGoddess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2006
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,968

02 Apr 2010, 10:42 pm

It all depends on the person.

Currently, dating a guy who's also ASD and it's by far the healthiest relationship I've had. But we challenge each other to go beyond our boundaries. We could easily settle in an easy routine where we hardley interact with the outside world, but we don't allow ourselves to go there.

I think the biggest bonus is that he really gets my quirks because we're so similar. I was married to an NT, and he never understood me like my boyfriend does. To me, it's all about chemistry.