Dating another person on the spectrum vs dating a NT

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What is your opinion on this? Would you rather date another autistic, or a NT? I, myself, would rather date a NT. Mainly because they see things someone with autism can't. Also, I don't know if I could handle dating another autistic...I have enough of my own problems to worry about and obviously autism affects everyone differently.

NT because of the whole "blending of 2 totally different worldviews". Balance the logical with the emotional/social. The two people involved would then be able to open eachothers eyes, teach eachother. That is if the relationship would work out.

I am NT and LOVE my relationship with an AS guy. He accepts me as I am. He's sincere. He makes me feel better about myself and my life than any one ever has. I don't know if this is because he has AS-- but meeting a man who isn't a "typical guy" has been the best thing in the world for me and my kids.

My boyfriend is technically NT, but he suits me perfectly.

He isn't a 'typical' guy when with me, but he can put on the act to some extent when with others. He reckons the majority of guys are also acting the part to fit in (same way a lot of girls act more ditzy and shy than they really are).

I think it is wrong to assume that NT and aspergers are polar opposites. NT just means you don't have aspergers. You could have any combination of personality traits, pathological or not, and still be classed as 'neurotypical'.

I understand that the OP hasn't specifically referred to the stereotyped jock/player/popular guy when they say 'NT's, but quite often that's the personality associated with that title here. I don't think that's particularily fair on people without aspergers (or with). Perhaps a better question would be 'would you prefer to date someone with aspergers or without'

Personally, I wouldn't date an aspie guy again, sorry but I just wouldn't. Not unless his symptoms were so mild they did not impact on communication and intimacy in the relationship. I find it difficult enough myself and I work hard at it, but my last boyfriend, and from the sounds of it a lot of males (not all!) who post on WP, do not bother even trying. I realise this isn't fair to all.

That doesn't mean I like the 'typical' jock character either; there is a type of NT guy out there that likes me and whom I like back. I can't place them into any category, any more than I could pigeonhole myself.

I've done both! I've had two NT girlfriends and one Aspie girlfriend.

My exact stories about my relationships tend to be complicated so I won't go into the details, but all in all I prefer going out with other Aspies.

Why? Because I can be myself around them, I can be completely open (try telling an NT you're off to flap for a few hours ) and we can understand and relate to each other. An NT can never relate to us, and therefore never understand us, even if an especially nice one does put up with our traits (and they would just be putting up with it, not understanding).

Also, since Aspies' brains are "wired" to socialise with other Aspies, it does make sense that we date other Aspies. It also means we don't have to get confused with all those stupid games NTs play in dating situations, too.

However, since I did just get back together with my Aspie girlfriend recently, this is probably biased

Speaking from NT persepective I think I'd prefer an Aspie partner.

I prefer Aspies because of their directness, and one would not be expected to decipher hidden meanings, or instinctively know what's going on without the partner having to tell them.

When I read posts like this I have one honest question-- not trying to be argumentative: Is it really that you believe that NTs can never relate to people with AS, or that, as a person with AS, do you not what to relate to an NT? Is it that you don't want to put up with NT traits, because you don't understand them? Just because a person with AS can't necessarily "understand" why an NT person behaves certain ways, doesn't mean the opposite is true.

They can't understand us and we can't understand them, it is a two-way thing. But you have a successful relationship with someone who you don't understand and who don't understand you.

I actually don't believe that at all. I don't for a second think he understands me. He tells me as much. But he accepts how I am. I, on the other hand, do understand him-- mostly. Maybe it is my ability to feel more empathy. Who knows? I know that no one can completely understand anyone else. No one has been through the exact same things as someone else. But nothing is exclusive. We do experience some of the same things and some very different things. That's true for any relationship. There is too much of an "Us vs Them" mentality.

other than what i had posted earlier, ive been thinking on it a bit more.

Other reasons i might possibly go for an NT woman would be....

1)I tend to be more NTish in mannerism even though I do have an official DX.
2)THis may seem cruel and s**t, but I also kinda act like house. Maybe I WANT a more challenging relationship, perhaps to further increase my knowledge of NT mannerisms. Im not saying that ASxAS ones arenet, but ASxNT ones just seem more counterintuitive for some reason, and id like to expand my knowledge. (yeah I think my calling in life might just be to learn all of this and compile a database that other people on the spectrum can reference and stuff.)
3)Sorta related to number 2, It would help me learn more about myself.

It's not about "us vs. them", it's just what I believe to be true from my own personal experiences is all.

It's a real grey area, I don't prefer anyone.

I just want someone who I am attracted to and love a lot.

Well said. My relationship with my Aspie is the most challenging I've ever had, but by far the most rewarding because there is both love and attraction in spades. I didn't go looking for an Aspie, it just so happens that is the package he comes in.

My boyfriend has ADHD, and he really seems to understand the way I think. I wouldn't trade the relationship for anything.

In the past I have said aspie but there is one aspect of it that I really want to date an NT and that is because I have almost no common sense and it would be really great to date someone who does. My ex was pretty solid in that department. She knew how to do stuff, how to act around people and when people were trying to 'get over' on her. I was clueless about stuff like that. She worked on the line at work fixing the robots and was tech minded, she was a high school dropout and now she has gotten her bachelor degree and works on computers. it is such a weakness of mine that it kind of makes it hard to decide, it seems like it would be great to be with an aspie who understands me but having two people together with no street smarts, I am kind of torn.
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