A rant of sorts... (If you can even call it a rant)

Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

DemonAbyss10
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Aug 2007
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,508
Location: The Poconos, Pennsylvania

20 Mar 2010, 11:59 am

What is the point of anything if I have to fake all of my emotions. I feel nothing but an emptiness, as if i am just a hollow shell. I have to fake my laughter at jokes, even if I genuinely find it funny. Any sort of 'positive' expression is just a facade covering my indifference to everything. Even with the more negative emotions it can be considered the same. See a photo of a homeless/abused/injured person, or kid; I will honestly feel nothing, not even sympathy. I however can feel it for the other animals of the earth. Yes, I consider humans as below most other creatures of the earth because I just do. Anger and hate really aren't even there for me, its all in fact just a sensory overload.

This all raises the question. What the f**k am I, some kind of monster? Just how the hell am I able to live this way, as a truly incomplete being.

No wonder Im always bored, I need something to fill the emotional void. And no, I am not even emo, nor do I consider this depression. Its just something that dawned upon me as I lay there in bed last night, trying to fall asleep.


_________________
Myers Brigg - ISTP
Socionics - ISTx
Enneagram - 6w5

Yes, I do have a DeviantArt, it is at.... http://demonabyss10.deviantart.com/


Aimless
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Apr 2009
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,190

20 Mar 2010, 12:25 pm

Have you always felt this way? I ask because sometimes this kind of thing is a sort of shut down or signs of a depression.



DemonAbyss10
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Aug 2007
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,508
Location: The Poconos, Pennsylvania

20 Mar 2010, 1:49 pm

Aimless wrote:
Have you always felt this way? I ask because sometimes this kind of thing is a sort of shut down or signs of a depression.


Ive always been off emotionally, but i always thought it was just something else, like maybe i just dont respond as strongly as most people (unless i get provoked and s**t, then I tended to lash out very strongly.) It does seem the only emotions that I can truly feel are things like rage and fear. Even before the other emotions always felt somewhat lacking, empty. Its just that for once I decided to think about why I am the way I am and such, and It came upon me that I am just faking, mimicing, so thus I ended up feeling that everything ive 'felt' has been nothing but one giant, well constructed lie. And because of where I stand morally, I am now hating myself for lying to myself all these years.


_________________
Myers Brigg - ISTP
Socionics - ISTx
Enneagram - 6w5

Yes, I do have a DeviantArt, it is at.... http://demonabyss10.deviantart.com/


musicislife
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Oct 2008
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 766
Location: whatever town, usa

20 Mar 2010, 2:11 pm

I'm kind of like this.

I'm not to the point of not feeling at all, but all through my life forcing laughter at jokes even if they are genuinely funny, not feeling strongly about anything and lashing out terribly if provoked have been common themes with me. I don't call how I am emo, seeing as it's how I've been my whole life, but yeah, my emotions seem hollow to me too.

I do agree with you that I rate humans below many of the other creatures on this earth, simply for the horrible things than humankind does.


_________________
Dance like no one is watching. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you've never been hurt and live like it's heaven on Earth. -Mark Twain
If life gives you lemons, make grape juice, sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.


Peko
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,389
Location: Eastern PA, USA

20 Mar 2010, 2:48 pm

I actually used to feel nothing as you are describing for a long time, until I was about 16. For me, a connection to people who I could genuinely connect with (surprisingly) triggered the shift from nothing-emotional overload. I couldn't even appreciate music for a long time... you said you do feel things for animals? Maybe you just are very disconnected from our species (humans) b/c from what you've observed of them, they seem cruel & disgusting? Indifference is a great way to cope with life.


_________________
Balance is needed within the universe, can be demonstrated in most/all concepts/things. Black/White, Good/Evil, etc.
All dependent upon your own perspective in your own form of existence, so trust your own gut and live the way YOU want/need to.


Aimless
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 1 Apr 2009
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,190

20 Mar 2010, 3:15 pm

When someone dies, I usually don't feel the physical feelings of grief. I feel very detached but that does not mean that I don't care. Are you thinking you don't care because your body does not respond the way you expect it too?



DemonAbyss10
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Aug 2007
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,508
Location: The Poconos, Pennsylvania

20 Mar 2010, 3:56 pm

Peko wrote:
I actually used to feel nothing as you are describing for a long time, until I was about 16. For me, a connection to people who I could genuinely connect with (surprisingly) triggered the shift from nothing-emotional overload. I couldn't even appreciate music for a long time... you said you do feel things for animals? Maybe you just are very disconnected from our species (humans) b/c from what you've observed of them, they seem cruel & disgusting? Indifference is a great way to cope with life.


That could be from all the observation I do. Sometimes my disgust gets to the point where i debate wanting to get 'fixed', that way I dont contribute to the proliferation of the species.


@Aimless I am not even sure. I know I dont feel the mental feelings at all 99% of the time, like when I heard one of my best friends from High School days got killed by a car bombing in Iraq. I dont get physical responses much from emotions, other than maybe a little constipation from getting stressed out.


_________________
Myers Brigg - ISTP
Socionics - ISTx
Enneagram - 6w5

Yes, I do have a DeviantArt, it is at.... http://demonabyss10.deviantart.com/


RightGalaxy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2008
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,403

25 Sep 2018, 1:16 pm

A pic is simply a pic. If someone did u a good turn for example, found you a job, nursed you back to health, etc... If you had found out that one of those people were injured or killed, I'm sure you would feel something. It's hard for most people to feel empathy if shown pictures. They may act it because they know they're supposed to. If someone is truly good to you and had advanced your life in some way, if that person had hardship and you still felt nothing, that's something to be ashamed of. If that's what you are then that's what you are.



RightGalaxy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Dec 2008
Age: 59
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,403

25 Sep 2018, 1:18 pm

DemonAbyss10 wrote:
Peko wrote:
I actually used to feel nothing as you are describing for a long time, until I was about 16. For me, a connection to people who I could genuinely connect with (surprisingly) triggered the shift from nothing-emotional overload. I couldn't even appreciate music for a long time... you said you do feel things for animals? Maybe you just are very disconnected from our species (humans) b/c from what you've observed of them, they seem cruel & disgusting? Indifference is a great way to cope with life.


That could be from all the observation I do. Sometimes my disgust gets to the point where i debate wanting to get 'fixed', that way I dont contribute to the proliferation of the species.


@Aimless I am not even sure. I know I dont feel the mental feelings at all 99% of the time, like when I heard one of my best friends from High School days got killed by a car bombing in Iraq. I dont get physical responses much from emotions, other than maybe a little constipation from getting stressed out.

OMG!! ! PEKO you are amazing!! !! Thank you. You've enlightened me about myself and have lifted a lifetime of guilt.



BTDT
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,968

25 Sep 2018, 1:49 pm

There are jobs in which it is very useful to act objectively and not make emotional connections.



Child of the Universe
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 8 May 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 366

25 Sep 2018, 4:04 pm

Peko wrote:
I actually used to feel nothing as you are describing for a long time, until I was about 16. For me, a connection to people who I could genuinely connect with (surprisingly) triggered the shift from nothing-emotional overload. I couldn't even appreciate music for a long time... you said you do feel things for animals? Maybe you just are very disconnected from our species (humans) b/c from what you've observed of them, they seem cruel & disgusting? Indifference is a great way to cope with life.

Strangely, almost the exact same thing happened to me. I didn't really feel much for a long time, until I attached to one person, and then gradually more people. I still feel disconnected from humanity, and I probably always will. But at least I feel connected to a few people.


_________________
"Don't mind me. I come from another planet. I see horizons where you see borders." - Frida Kahlo