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Zara
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22 Mar 2010, 10:36 pm

Okay, I found this nice girl on dating a couple weeks ago.
I messaged her, basically saying that she was cool and we should talk some since we seemed to into the same things.
I didn't really expect a response(I guess I don't by default now), but she did respond and we kind of hit it off.
We talked mostly about anime subjects and this went on for several messages. I decided I would like to meet her and told her I wondered if she would like to meet up for a snack or lunch sometime, just something casual. She told me she'd have to see when she had time and I let her know when I had time. Meantime I just continued our anime conversation...

and then I don't hear from her for a while.
So I give it a few days to see if she gets back to me. Well on Saturday I messaged her and asked if we were still talking and if she was too worried about meeting. I gave her my number if she wanted to text me or call instead of meeting. She only responded by saying her life was a bit hectic at the moment and that she promises to get back to me.

Well, I haven't heard anything from her since.

Should I wait longer? Should I try checking up on her again?
Or just consider it a loss and move on? It'd be a shame to just let her go cause I did like her and it felt like we did hit off, but now I wonder if she's avoiding talking to me. I mean, it doesn't take that much effort or time just to message someone.

No, I'm not especially heartbroken over it, but I am left wondering what the deal is.


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22 Mar 2010, 10:39 pm

Girls are unpredictable creatures that have minds of their own. Just when you think they don't want to talk to you, they talk to you. Honestly, dude, I'd give it some time. Let the girl make up her mind about what she wants to do. If you're too pushy, you'll just push her away....I know from experience. Have a good one dude, and wish you luck.



Claradoon
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22 Mar 2010, 11:02 pm

It seems to me that the earliest stages should be step/stop. For stop, at least a day - sleep on it, sorta. You seem to have the sequence right, but the timing's off - needs a full stop in between. Right now all the movement is on your side, so stop. Not that there's rules or anything (that would help!).



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22 Mar 2010, 11:07 pm

Seems to me like she wants to be able to set the terms for when you two meet, and it could be due to reluctance, or she really could have a lot of things causing her life to be a bit "hectic" at the moment.

Either way, I'd say that you have obviously expressed an interest in the idea of you two getting together for a snack, etc, and now it's up to her to decide what to do with it. If you waited a few days before to offer her your additional contact info, that's pretty sufficient. And not pushy. But if she has multiple methods of getting a hold of you now, that's what I'd let her do... Contact you.

If, however in a couple week's time you still haven't heard back (though I'm hoping that won't be the case! *fingers crossed for you*), you could always do something subtle and casual such as send her a quick message saying "Hey, how are things?" and maybe share with her some news about a new anime or something, just to put yourself back on her radar.

I often have a difficult time when I'm left in a position where I'm "wondering what the deal is." ;) Only other suggestion I could make would be to occupy (distract) yourself with other things for the time being. Good luck :)



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22 Mar 2010, 11:13 pm

Don't contact her again - leave the ball in her court.

No, it doesn't take very long to message someone, but if her life really is hectic, then perhaps she mentally puts messaging potential friends/romantic partners into a "things to do when I have free time and a few minutes to think" bucket - way behind all the stuff she has to do. I've been in this lady's shoes. I can tell you that if my life is crazy hectic and I tell a guy about that - and his response is to bug me for attention....he's just killed his chances. He's demonstrated that he's thinking more about what he wants (to meet up with me), than what I need (time to meet my obligations). That's not the kind of guy I want around.

That's if she's telling you the truth about her life being hectic. If she's not telling you the truth, then she's either buying time to think it over, or she's blowing you off. Either way - leave the ball in her court.


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Sound
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22 Mar 2010, 11:23 pm

^ That.

If she's not enthusiastic enough to respond, then any more energy you put into it wont help anything.
Occasionally there might be a misunderstanding, or some exceptions, or shes shy, or whatever, but those are red herrings. Life is too short for that. Meet someone else.



Zara
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22 Mar 2010, 11:25 pm

Well I suppose I will let it be for a while.
I have enough things to keep me preoccupied for the next few weeks anyway so letting her be will be easy.


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Zara
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24 Mar 2010, 1:25 am

Shouldn't have ignored the other reason she would have stopped talking to me...

She found someone else.
Yup.


f**k. :cry:


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Sound
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24 Mar 2010, 1:45 am

Well, it's not personal - It's not that the other person was 'better,' it's that the other person suited her personality more. So don't take it personal! You're out there making the effort, doin the work, daring despite setbacks, so you're doin better than a lot of folks. :wink:

>Roosevelt quote alert!



Shebakoby
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24 Mar 2010, 1:54 am

my instincts are telling me this is a TEST
DO NOT initiate further contact. You don't want her to start thinking you're a stalker. Or give her any excuse to say so.

If she was ever that into you in the first place, she'll say something. Eventually.



Zara
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24 Mar 2010, 10:30 am

I don't date girls who test me.

I feel like s**t.
I've been trying so much this year to make a lasting connection with someone.

I was trying a new approach too. I focused on her since she seemed to be the kind of girl who I can make friends with and like(I have a few in life I know and like, but they are unavailable so I was trying to find someone like them, but was available).
I was becoming so optimistic about this one too.


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