Questions about Children in Grocery Stores Asking for Things

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Who_Am_I
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27 Mar 2010, 7:32 pm

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5. How do you feel about the fact that you can pick and choose whatever you want, but that child has to depend on his parents' wishes?




I don't get whatever I want. Part of a parent's job is to teach a child that they won't get everything they want, so that when they're an adult they'll be able to deal with frustration and disappointment. Giving into a child's every wish would be very poor parenting.


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27 Mar 2010, 8:40 pm

1. What's your take on this scenario you just witnessed?I'm used to it as I work in a grocery store, so I just tend to find it irritating.



2. Did you find it hard to watch? Why?Nope. For one thing, I am glad when they discipline the child for this reason, as the child must learn that they can't have instant gratification.


3. What you you think is going through the child's mind at that moment? That it's unfair.

4. What you you think is going through the parent's mind at that moment? They're feeling irritated, plus being a bit embarrased too when the kids starts whining in a public place.

5. How do you feel about the fact that you can pick and choose whatever you want, but that child has to depend on his parents' wishes?I don't feel to bad about it. If it were up to the child, they'd end up buying and eating Froot Loops and ice cream. The parents have to step in and make sure the child gets healthy stuff to eat, but at the time the child doesn't understand this.

6. How do you feel about the fact that not too long ago, you were in that child's place?Not too much. It's life.


7. Do you feel sympathetic toward that child? Yes, but also I know the child must go through this, or they will have trouble surviving in the real world.

8. Have you felt compelled to somehow verbally reassure the child? It would be undoing the effect the discipline is meant to instill, and also making that parent out to be the 'enemy.'

9. Have you felt compelled to say anything to the parent? No.
10. (Any other question you wish to add.)
No further questions 8)


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27 Mar 2010, 9:34 pm

1. What's your take on this scenario you just witnessed?
The parents were teaching the child, that he can't always get, what he wants.
2. Did you find it hard to watch? Why?
I've found it, a little difficult to watch. I'd hate to see what goes on, behind their closed doors.
3. What you you think is going through the child's mind at that moment?
"Please don't spank me, too!"
4. What you you think is going through the parent's mind at that moment?
That they wanted a perfect, well behaved child, and they got an insolent brat, instead.
5. How do you feel about the fact that you can pick and choose whatever you want, but that child has to depend on his parents' wishes?
He'll get to pick and choose what he wants, when he's my age.
6. How do you feel about the fact that not too long ago, you were in that child's place?
It breaks my heart, to see that happen, and it brings back bad memories.
7. Do you feel sympathetic toward that child?
Yes, very much so
8. Have you felt compelled to somehow verbally reassure the child?
More often, than not.
9. Have you felt compelled to say anything to the parent?
More often, than not.
10. (Any other question you wish to add.)
Why don't the parents be more calm and mature about meltdowns, or even better, why don't they hire a babysitter, and leave the kid at home, if this happens often, for them?


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28 Mar 2010, 1:22 am

I agree that not giving in to the child is helping to teach him/her not to try to pout and manipulate.

I would also like to add that stuff like fruit rollups is terrible to buy nutrition-wise. When overhearing a situation you are not privy to certain information. The child could be a diabetic, or perhaps the parents are limiting the child's sugar and have already bought something else sweet.

I have been criticized before for being too strict with my daughter's diet. People dont understand that she has high cholesterol. She had it when she was five, and appeared to be the picture of health and fitness. They judged that I was being too hard on her by restricting things like fatty and sugary foods, assuming it was about weight because I was very thin. It was not about weight or being mean and overbearing, it was about teaching her better eating habits so she wont be having triple bypass at age 20.

I am sorry that I answered even though I am not in the demographic stated in the OP> I just wanted to point out that a lot of information is missing when one overhears a situation in passing.



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28 Mar 2010, 2:07 am

Aspie1 wrote:
Suddenly, you're jarred back to the harsh reality by this dialog you overhear.
"Mommy/Daddy, can I have some Fruit Roll-Ups?"
"No, we're not buying them."
"Please."
"No!"
"But I really like them."
"No! You're not getting them!"
<crying>
"If you don't stop, we're going home right now!"
<more crying>
"That it! You're getting a time-out when we get home, and no dessert tonight!"

You tune out the rest of the conversation, pick up a bag of gummy worms that you had a craving for, and go about day. Now, confider the following questions.
1. What's your take on this scenario you just witnessed? none
2. Did you find it hard to watch? Why? screaming kids are anoying i prefer to get out as fast i can, i believe most people hurt to listen screaming
3. What you you think is going through the child's mind at that moment?...candy
4. What you you think is going through the parent's mind at that moment? its good that they dont give up though, most kids end up spoiled if they always get what they want
5. How do you feel about the fact that you can pick and choose whatever you want, but that child has to depend on his parents' wishes? if u can earn it u can get it ..after all u pay your rent and stuff
6. How do you feel about the fact that not too long ago, you were in that child's place? when i was i got week money i was saving to get things i wanted it was not very big about 5€ anyway i always saved and i could afford even 60€ games all in all it teached me to save
7. Do you feel sympathetic toward that child? yes
8. Have you felt compelled to somehow verbally reassure the child?no
9. Have you felt compelled to say anything to the parent?no its not my bussiness
10. (Any other question you wish to add.)

I'll answer my own questions in the next post.


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28 Mar 2010, 8:15 am

1. What's your take on this scenario you just witnessed?

Kid throwing a tantrum in order to get what he wanted. Parents held their ground.

2. Did you find it hard to watch? Why?

Annoying little turd. Creating a scene and disturbing the peace.

3. What you you think is going through the child's mind at that moment?

I want my way and I don't care how I have to get it.

4. What you you think is going through the parent's mind at that moment?

Why didn't we use contraception with this one? :lol:

5. How do you feel about the fact that you can pick and choose whatever you want, but that child has to depend on his parents' wishes?

That's what makes it worth becoming an adult. Parent is responsible for what the kid needs, not what it wants. We all went through that. Suck it up kiddo.

6. How do you feel about the fact that not too long ago, you were in that child's place?

I remember my parents never letting me have all the candy, sugared cereal, etc. that I wanted. I realize now that they were watching out for my welfare. I realize I was a real brat back then, so I have no sympathy for what the kid's doing.

7. Do you feel sympathetic toward that child?

No. It's not as if he was throwing a fit over something specific he couldn't stand (e.g., liver).

8. Have you felt compelled to somehow verbally reassure the child?

No. In fact, I has a few times I was prepared to shout down a kid in front of his parent(s) for being such a brat in public and embarrassing his family.

9. Have you felt compelled to say anything to the parent?

At times. When I worked as a checkout clerk, one kid was being really bratty, and I told the mother than if she wanted to haul off an smack the kid I'd testify that it was 100% justified.



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28 Mar 2010, 8:18 am

pat2rome wrote:
Pretty much exactly what League_Girl said, except for #6. I'm glad I was in that child's situation before, because now I get all happy when I can buy myself ice cream or things like chocolate fudge Pop-Tarts. :lol:


I remember being in Wal-Mart. I was buying Mass Effect and Assassin's Creed for my 360. A young pre-teen was watching me, envious. I looked at him and said, "This is the advantage of being a grown up...you can buy the stuff you want." 8)



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28 Mar 2010, 8:19 am

Parent of 2 kids chiming in. I've been that mom (sometimes the one that got angry and sometimes one that managed to stay calm.)

1. What's your take on this scenario you just witnessed? Kids ask for things... they WANT things. Everything. It's part of being a kid. Parents have to teach them that 1) you're not going to get everything you want ; 2)_patience and 3), almost more important, all the stuff you are asking for will not make you happy

Another thought. this is a vignette. you didn't witness the aisle before when the kid asked for the Fudge Stripes, or the aisle before that when it was Doritos, or before that when it was IceCream 8O

2. Did you find it hard to watch? Why? Yes...I know how embarrassed and incompetent I feel as a mom at those times
3. What you you think is going through the child's mind at that moment? I'm going to die if I don't get those fruit rollups. Those fruit rollups would make me so happy.
4. What you you think is going through the parent's mind at that moment? I'm going to die if he doesn't stop asking for stuff
5. How do you feel about the fact that you can pick and choose whatever you want, but that child has to depend on his parents' wishes? You forget that parents make HUGE sacrifices for their kids. It sucks that they don't get whatever they want but it sucks that as a parent you don't get everything you want either. (my formula is pretty basic -- nobody gets whatever they want).

6. How do you feel about the fact that not too long ago, you were in that child's place? I think it would be so much easier to still be there and have someone make the decisions for me. (not that I liked that at the time, but it's easier that being the decision maker)
7. Do you feel sympathetic toward that child? yup
8. Have you felt compelled to somehow verbally reassure the child? Yup but I don't because it defeats the purpose
9. Have you felt compelled to say anything to the parent? (I say quite a lot to myself in these situations) if it's another parent, I let it go

10. (Any other question you wish to add.)



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28 Mar 2010, 8:52 am

Now, confider the following questions.
1. What's your take on this scenario you just witnessed?

Good for them, not giving in. They could have given the child a reason why they're not getting them though.

2. Did you find it hard to watch? Why?

No. I'm always glad to see parents who can rein in their children. The opposite seems so much more common these days. When the children are older, they will appreciate that their parents cared for them enough to set boundaries.

3. What you you think is going through the child's mind at that moment?

"This is so unfair!"

4. What you you think is going through the parent's mind at that moment?

"This is so embarrassing. I hate it when they make a scene in the supermarket."

5. How do you feel about the fact that you can pick and choose whatever you want, but that child has to depend on his parents' wishes?

Children don't have the cognitive development to make good eating choices. It is their parents' duty to teach them good choices and protect them from themselves until they are older. Especially with the rate of childhood obesity rising, it is more important than ever that parents make sensible food choices for their children. If you want to eat unhealthy as an adult, then you at least understand the consequences of your actions (same with any other adult decision).

6. How do you feel about the fact that not too long ago, you were in that child's place?

Not much. I'm glad I had parents who set limits for me.

7. Do you feel sympathetic toward that child?

Not really. I understand that they feel the situation is unfair, but I also think they're being a little brat for throwing a tantrum to get their way.

8. Have you felt compelled to somehow verbally reassure the child?

Not at all. That would be completely out-of-bounds.

9. Have you felt compelled to say anything to the parent?

Why?

10. (Any other question you wish to add.)


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28 Mar 2010, 9:00 am

I definitely think this is an age-related behavior. As infants, whining is completely necessary, otherwise they might not get fed or a much needed diaper change. As they get older and learn to speak, it's expected that they resort to less annoying behaviors to convey their wants and needs.

The problem is when they're old enough to ask for fruit roll-ups, yet still feel the need to scream like an infant. If the behavior isn't corrected around that time, then you could very well end up with one of the most annoying teenagers on Earth.

(Ever see a teenager who whines every time something happens that they don't like?)



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28 Mar 2010, 9:38 am

Here's my perspective, I'll try to keep it short.

No, you shouldn't give in to the kid because they cry. I actually deny my son stuff solely on the basis of how he asks if he's rude. If he asks again nicely I might give it to him, if I have no reason not to.

I think the child was probably just concernced about the treat at first, but the parent yelling might make more of an impression than you think. Parents who frequently explode over small matters make their children insecure, frightened and unwilling to communicate. That being said it's inevitable that you snap when you're stressed. We're only human!

I try to give a reason why with my son, he's a rational thinker. If he's unimpressed I sometimes propose an alternative, like: no you can't have those, but we can have some ice cream after dinner. Sometimes works, sometimes not, but I rarely get tantrums over these things. We have had some tantrums because strangers have touched him though (he's autistic too).

I can often sympathize with the child. I was very rigid as a child in the sense that if I really wanted something I couldn't get past it, it became the purpose of my existence. My parents didn't stand for tantrums though, but I remember that feeling of powerlessness at wanting something so badly and not being allowed to choose. Children shouldn't be in control, but I think they should feel like their opinion matters, even if they don't get their way. So my phrase is something like "I know you want those really badly, but I'm sorry, not today." They might not be happy, but at least they've been heard.

Additionally, if you scream a lot at your child, you can be sure that's what they'll do to others as they grow up. You'll want your child to be able to grow up without hitting people or verbally abusing them just because they're annoying.

It's a minefield, parenting. In this situation you have to consider so many things; encouraging appropriate behaviour, the child's health, maintaining your cool in a stressed situation, discipline without violating the child etc. That's why parenting is a full-time job, all your decisions will be reflected in the personality of your child as they grow up.



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28 Mar 2010, 11:51 am

First off, I'd like to say we don't really know what happened before this. The kid may have received a bunch of other treats, they may not eat their non-junk food when they have fruit roll-ups, or the child may be under punishment for something that happened before (You don't eat your dinner, so no junk food) or something similar.


1. What's your take on this scenario you just witnessed?

- Good for the parents!! ! Once you set the rules, stick with them, or the child will see EVERYTHING as an opportunity for negotiation. Overindulging a child leads to a sense of spoiled entitlement that they carry with them through adult-hood! As we are seeing in our breaking-down society today.


2. Did you find it hard to watch? Why?

- Nope. Just one more thing going on. Doesn't bother me.


3. What you you think is going through the child's mind at that moment?

- "I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT I WANT" which is what usually goes through most children's head in a grocery store, as I can speak to from my own childhood experience.


4. What you you think is going through the parent's mind at that moment?

- "I want to apologize to the people around me for having to put up with my crying brat."


5. How do you feel about the fact that you can pick and choose whatever you want, but that child has to depend on his parents' wishes?

- That is the order of things. The child doesn't have the mental wherewithal to know what is best for it, so the parent must exercise proper granting and depriving of things in the child's best interests. When the child grows up, they can make those decisions for themselves.


6. How do you feel about the fact that not too long ago, you were in that child's place?

- I learned a lot of valuable lessons during my childhood that helped me become a productive member of society.


7. Do you feel sympathetic toward that child?

- Not in the very least. No one has a right to everything they want. They have to earn it or depend on those that did earn it. Anyway, high pitched noises bother me.



8. Have you felt compelled to somehow verbally reassure the child?

- Nope. Not my kid, not my problem.


9. Have you felt compelled to say anything to the parent?

- Maybe give a thumbs up on the way pass. They seem like very good parents... well, aside from not doing anything to shut the kid up.



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28 Mar 2010, 12:26 pm

CerebralDreamer wrote:
(Ever see a teenager who whines every time something happens that they don't like?)
Mre often than not.
I do not think I would be a good parent because I have no idea what goes on within other people if they do not tell me.
If I could, I would probably just limit the diet to what is necessary.
My sister wants to get a new meal every single day.
I would probably just buy a lot of cans of baked beans and some bread.
I love baked beans on toast.
It is a great meal.



bethaniej
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28 Mar 2010, 1:22 pm

Mostly I've felt sympathy for parents in grocery stores. I'm not going to answer all the questions because so many people have done it so well. But whenever a child is acting out in a public setting it's just hard...not because you've got to get your chores done and don't have time, and not because $1.49 is too much to spend on your child's happiness. A child's rages are incredibly draining...in public they are more-so because you are trying to maintain your 'public decorum', make sure you send the correct message to your child and 'do the right thing', not just the 'easy thing', and if your child is like mine, these rages can go on for a while. When she was a toddler I once had to sit on a Ronald Mcdonald chair in Walmart and act as a very quiet straight jacket while she screamed. Now I understand that this had more to do with sensory overload than anything (she wasn't having a tantrum over wanting something she couldn't have....but being asked to be in a stroller too long while I did the family shopping)....She wasn't a big whiner about getting stuff she wanted over all, but would often fall apart or become stressed/overwhelmed, etc. but she has AS. Still, I work with kids daily, so I know how difficult it can be. So I always empathize with all sides. Nobody is happy in the situation. The parent usually just wants to do 'the right thing', and the child is naturally self centered and can't see the bigger picture.

Over time I've just found that when one or both of us is tired (even now with my daughter twelve) we don't shop together. I only go shopping WITH her when I have the energy to deal with requests. One thing I've done recently (since she's older), is to give her a certain amount of money if I was going to get her something, instead of getting it for her, I give her the money to get it. This has had mixed results. She blew the money she had a few weeks ago, when she was asking for some new clothing items (didn't get them)...got junk instead. I reminded her she spent her money on junk...that was her choice, but I couldn't just dish out the extra funds to buy the clothing she wanted/needed--honestly, single mom...can't. I don't like she spent the money that way, but in a way it was a good lesson...I haven't gotten her any new clothes since then, and won't until next time it's in the plan.

Anyway, rambling.



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28 Mar 2010, 3:03 pm

lol... for those of you who think it's all about the fruit roll-ups and just not wanting to spend a whole $2 on them... let's do an experiment. How about all the parents on here cave into everything their children want for 5 years, and then send them to those who think it's all about not caring enough to get them.

Seriously, you wind up with a spoiled brat-and they DON'T outgrow it. I had a friend whose mom did just that... she was 21, still throwing temper tantrums over little things, out in public, because if she screamed loud enough, she would get it. She never grew up-physically she did, but the mentality was always "if I yell enough, I'll get it", "if I cry, I'll get it". It was awful to watch.

I'm sorry if I was that parent that made your shopping trip experience terrible, but in all honesty, I don't have time to care about that. My goal is to get what is on my list, and get out of the store before it gets any worse.

It's not just fruit rollups... it's candy, fruit rollups, fruit snacks, ice cream, popsicles, chips, popcorn, beef jerky, pizzas, the $5 yogurt they saw on a commercial that they will probably NEVER eat.

Right now, on top of my fridge, I have 3 full boxes of cereal that mine have not touched. I have snacks all over that they begged and begged for, then never touched.

This trip, they might not get anything... next trip, they might. I base it on public behavior. 3 aisles before the fruit rollup incident, I was probably chasing them through the aisle because they would not stay with me. They were probably running around, making it a game, and laughing about it. Heck no they aren't getting any snacks after that.

The whole entire trip to the store is the incident for us parents. Everything that happens after we walk in to the time we walk out-it's all one ongoing incident.

So... I could get the fruit rollups, but I'm not about to reward bad behavior that happened previously in the store-because I GUARANTEE that if I did, the next time we got to this area, you'd get to listen to screaming, yelling, stomping, possibly trying to hit me... doing everything they can to try to get what they want. So you should consider yourself LUCKY that the parent isn't giving in, because it CAN get worse and WILL if they do.

...and if you still don't consider any of this as important info, and would still give the child the snack... I'll start mailing you all of our uneaten snacks-expect one or 2 boxes a week... I'll also let you watch my kid for a while... these snacks they want, usually aren't the $2 deal. Sure, fruit rollups are, but when it's all the way through the store, it really adds up fast... and it's usually high priced JUNK that they saw in a commercial.


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28 Mar 2010, 3:41 pm

1. What's your take on this scenario you just witnessed?
Parents are stating the rules and sticking to them. Good for them. Not giving in to every whim and whine is good parenting.

2. Did you find it hard to watch? Why?
Yes. i don't like conflict.

3. What you you think is going through the child's mind at that moment?
To get what he/she wants at every cost.
4. What you you think is going through the parent's mind at that moment?
embarassment.
5. How do you feel about the fact that you can pick and choose whatever you want, but that child has to depend on his parents' wishes?
I don't get everything I want.
6. How do you feel about the fact that not too long ago, you were in that child's place?
I know what a brat I was.
7. Do you feel sympathetic toward that child?
Nope. I feel more sympathetic towards the parents.
8. Have you felt compelled to somehow verbally reassure the child?
Nope. I have verbally reassured the parents.
9. Have you felt compelled to say anything to the parent?
Nope. I agree with them.
10. (Any other question you wish to add.)