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hanazai
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29 Mar 2010, 11:57 am

How true is this? Do you still think about your first crush? If you bumped into them years later and you were both single would you do things differently to try get with them or would you reciprocate their feelings if they initated even if you previously rejected them out of fear?



ToadOfSteel
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29 Mar 2010, 12:10 pm

I think that applies to everyone, AS or NT... you never forget the first one...



Marsian
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29 Mar 2010, 12:17 pm

I've never been in love :(



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29 Mar 2010, 12:31 pm

Your first crush and love are two completely different things.

I don't have any feelings at all for my first girlfriend, but I recently got back with my second one after a whole year of being broken up, during at time we both started missing each other despite the relationship ending really badly.

So, your first girlfriend no, but your first love maybe.



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29 Mar 2010, 12:37 pm

How true is what? Your question is not clear.


I walked into work one morning when I was still only 20 and saw a young lady - from behind, who was engaged in a conversation with a coworker. I knew before she ever turned around, before I saw her face, that we were bound together by forces I couldn't begin to understand, much less explain. Was briefly introduced, like a typical Aspie, I couldn't bring myself to speak to her, but apparently I wasn't the only one who felt the connection, because a week later, she called me.

We had an intense on-again-off-again relationship for the better part of a year, both overwhelmed and terrified of the passionate and inescapable nature of our bond. We married the next summer, but divorced by the following year, primarily due to meddling family influence. I was devastated and in severe shock - it felt to me as though the universe had been rent asunder. I stumbled through the next several months as a mindless zombie and even when I began to recover, I was damaged and broken well beyond the ineptitude and depression I had already come to live with as an undiagnosed Autistic.

We didn't see each other at all for six years, then came together briefly for a very short time, during which I came to realize that trying to hold this person in a committed relationship would only frustrate us both (and of course I couldn't bear to even face the thought of going through the agony of that loss again), but our love for each other had, if anything, only deepened and matured.

Years after that, I remarried, raised children and divorced a second time, only to encounter this first love again and spend some very precious moments together on what would have been our 20th wedding anniversary. I will adore this person with all my heart until I die and perhaps far beyond that. But being together on a permanent and ongoing basis would only bring us both misery.

I couldn't tell you whether such experiences are even remotely typical for those with AS - I've never heard anything like that. I can't say it's typical for me, I've had many, many encounters, hookups and relationships over the years and that one stands alone. I have no explanation for it, nor can I describe it in any way that I think might help another person understand how it feels. I've met two people over the years whom I felt a sort of 'psychic' connection with, almost like the Vulcan mind-meld, but that was sensual, cerebral and fleeting; this goes far deeper - to the cellular level - and never fades.

Dunno if that comes close to answering your question or if you can even grok what I'm talking about. :shrug:



Last edited by Willard on 29 Mar 2010, 1:39 pm, edited 7 times in total.

hanazai
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29 Mar 2010, 12:38 pm

Of cos ill always remember my first one but I've never felt the need for all the other guys I date to be just like my first as it is the case of oneitis. I've dated a lot of people but I've only trully loved twice. The latter being the most intense. I don't think of my first love at all and didn't want to be with them even when i had the opportunity to simply because time has passed.



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29 Mar 2010, 12:47 pm

Yes I still think about them.

No I would never get back with them.


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memesplice
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29 Mar 2010, 12:51 pm

Can't really anything to add to what Willard wrote. Except the forces of attraction/entanglement are probably at some deep subatomic level . You were probably brought together by the massive forces that underlie the time space continuum, passion born in heart of new stars, grief like dark matter, lonliness x-ray pulse of black hole-binary etc.. and, you never really get over it. Memory fortunately blanked her face, can't see her now.

You can learn a more practical, less intense, possibly "better" love once all emotional destruction of separation is done with, though.



MishLuvsHer2Boys
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29 Mar 2010, 1:23 pm

I have no problem forgetting the first person I loved, I don't want to remember what he did to me.



DavidM
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29 Mar 2010, 1:57 pm

Everybody's first love is themselves and everyone spends the rest of their lives pretending that they don't love themselves more than they do others.



HopeGrows
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29 Mar 2010, 2:09 pm

@Willard, your story is - to use an overused word - epic. Wow.


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Sound
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29 Mar 2010, 2:56 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
I think that applies to everyone, AS or NT... you never forget the first one...

+1



monsterland
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29 Mar 2010, 3:17 pm

It's been 11 years since I last saw her. I know she's been married for the past 3.

I still think of her fondly, but chances are, we wouldn't be happy together in long-term...

... what with her husband running around the house, stinking the place up...



MichelleRM78
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29 Mar 2010, 3:49 pm

My first love is still in my life-- as one of my best friends. We have a connection way beyond friendship, but we have no desire to be romatically involved. My bf likes him a lot. I have liked his 2 wives.

For me, I think its wonderful to still have him in my life, so I can never forget him. And I never want to.



Willard
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29 Mar 2010, 7:58 pm

HopeGrows wrote:
@Willard, your story is - to use an overused word - epic. Wow.



:wink: One ring to rule them all...



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29 Mar 2010, 8:27 pm

I feel black and white on the subject. Though I still can't say I could ever undo what I have felt for them... I can't amend it to how they treated me. I hear most people have trouble with forgetting but not forgiving--Meaning they forgive someone but never really forget the treatment, which can cause other types of issues (and which makes me really question people's definition of forgiveness)... I am the other way around. I cannot forgive the cases of shitty treatment from those I have loved most. I chose to forget. Tis the only semblance of peace I have on the matter. But in truth, I have also found, to my heart's utter destruction, that they never really seek forgiveness anyway. People can be so selfish and cruel when they don't know what they want... and sadly, that's all it takes to set the stage. I have been broken many times but somehow find the tenacity to rebuild anew. Makes me cherish what I currently have all the more.


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