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League_Girl
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30 Mar 2010, 10:06 pm

Do you go into silent mode? Like if people kept getting upset with things you say or kept telling you you are being rude, wouldn't you just stop talking because you be afraid to say something wrong again?

This is something I do when it happens. I do the silent treatment and only speak when spoken too.



gramirez
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30 Mar 2010, 10:17 pm

I have no idea, I very rarely offend people.


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30 Mar 2010, 10:20 pm

Yeah I stop talking. I don't do well when people get angry at me.


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auntblabby
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30 Mar 2010, 10:30 pm

i became a hermit for this reason. now i can offend nobody.



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30 Mar 2010, 10:42 pm

When this happens I tend to leave the room, and get away from everyone.


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30 Mar 2010, 10:46 pm

I usually get very angry and walk away. I will likely never talk to that person again. If I am forced to talk to some POS "offendee" I will explain that it was not my intention to offend. I will explain that I am not currently doing or saying the offending thing so if you retain feelings of "offendedness" that is your problem, not mine.

I will attempt to say that I am sorry, not in truth of course, but because I find offended people highly offensive and want them to go away.



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30 Mar 2010, 11:08 pm

Usually I don't even find out about it directly. Then I become furious that nobody told me what I did wrong. I get even more furious at idiots that say crap like "It should have been pretty obvious."

Otherwise, it's all in the approach. If someone approaches me gently, it'll be cool. If someone approaches me angrily or like they have some sort of authority where they have no right to claim any, I get angry. Especially when they insist it was malicious.



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31 Mar 2010, 4:03 am

Yes, especially if they won't let me apologise and explain that I didn't mean to offend them.


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31 Mar 2010, 3:29 pm

League_Girl wrote:
I do the silent treatment and only speak when spoken too.


I think it gets easier as you get older, and as people get used to the idea that it is character and not cheek. Some people make a career of it, in comedy and writing especially.



Philologos
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31 Mar 2010, 4:24 pm

Depends on who and what it is. I will often go silent [which is sometimes itself offensive, but you can't win them all]. In SOME cases I go into hyperexplanatory mode which is usually a mistake but not under voluntary control.

I get offended only in a few cases when I come to see they WANT to be offended.



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31 Mar 2010, 5:12 pm

auntblabby wrote:
i became a hermit for this reason. now i can offend nobody.


This has also been my pattern.
I have a long history of offending people and I no longer seek out people for that reason. I am not a nasty person, and I do not mean to be blunt or offending. But I am at times. I can get very distressed and fixated about "people doing the wrong thing' ethically, and i can get very fixated about others who diverge from how I perceive something should be tackled. I mean no harm, but I often do so in a manner that is clumsy and difficult for others to contend with. Oh well.
I do have some friends in the ASD community and also in the NA community. They accept this about me and are ok.

At my son's school I AM SO scripted and SO terrified of offending people. I walk on a tightrope in this context - rehearsing EVERYTHING i plan to say as well as analysing everything, post school conversation. I just don't want my bluntness to impact upon my son's attempts to develop social connections and new friends. i find this to be the most painful context I have to enter into.....in fact at present. BUt, the good news is there are understanding people everywhere and it takes me longer to realise who these good people are, but once I do so, it makes things a bit easier.



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31 Mar 2010, 6:00 pm

Shebakoby wrote:
Usually I don't even find out about it directly. Then I become furious that nobody told me what I did wrong. I get even more furious at idiots that say crap like "It should have been pretty obvious."

Otherwise, it's all in the approach. If someone approaches me gently, it'll be cool. If someone approaches me angrily or like they have some sort of authority where they have no right to claim any, I get angry. Especially when they insist it was malicious.


Me too! Only, instead of furious or angry, I get annoyed and eventually frustrated.


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ursaminor
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31 Mar 2010, 6:12 pm

I offend people sometimes.
But I am never sorry.
I think it is their problem that they were offended.
Because I did not attach a meaning to those words that I have said.
They applied meaning to it.
If they applied another meaning to it, they might not be offended.
I do not apologize for things I am not regretful about.
I used to have a big problem with being grateful.
I thought I was always being ungrateful for what I had.
This made me pretty sad.
I could say depressed but I forgot my emotions when I went to sleep and crying was very draining so I went to sleep quickly and that made me neutral the next day so it was more of a cycle than a continuous thing.
So I do not.



jeffhermy
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31 Mar 2010, 6:14 pm

I tend to think that just saying hello to someone without going through the proper steps that I would usually greet people gets them angry towards me, so I treat people like I did something to them.

Here is how I greet people BTW;

1) Scan person
2) Eye Contact
3) Change my face, cannot say hello with my usual blank face
4) Feet planted, unless walking
5) Stand tall
6) Focus
7) Raise hand/extend hand for handshake
8) "Hello!"

If I fail to do any one of these steps, usually the face, I feel like I have angered the other person.



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31 Mar 2010, 7:24 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Do you go into silent mode? Like if people kept getting upset with things you say or kept telling you you are being rude, wouldn't you just stop talking because you be afraid to say something wrong again?

This is something I do when it happens. I do the silent treatment and only speak when spoken too.


Yes, I do. When someone keeps finding fault with me over every little thing I may say, my usual answer to that is to go into the "silent mode," not by a premeditated design, though.

The silence just naturally shows up and stays for a while, no matter how hard I pinch my brain to get any words out. And often when someone's constant faultfinding puts me into that kind of mode, I'm then accused of sulking.


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