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League_Girl
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31 Mar 2010, 7:52 pm

Luckily this doesn't happen to me very often but when it does, I do this. I did it to one of my dad's cousins when she kept accusing me of being rude and selfish.



pumibel
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31 Mar 2010, 8:48 pm

jeffhermy wrote:
I tend to think that just saying hello to someone without going through the proper steps that I would usually greet people gets them angry towards me, so I treat people like I did something to them.

Here is how I greet people BTW;

1) Scan person
2) Eye Contact
3) Change my face, cannot say hello with my usual blank face
4) Feet planted, unless walking
5) Stand tall
6) Focus
7) Raise hand/extend hand for handshake
8) "Hello!"

If I fail to do any one of these steps, usually the face, I feel like I have angered the other person.


I go through something similar to this too. and then I worry and stress over it. I have not had a lot of this since I left my office job, but it still happens. I have found that no matter how hard I try, there is always something I do or say wrong, and it offends someone or makes them dislike me. I was an adult before I realized that always having the answer and always knowing a trivia fact about something is actually quite annoying to other people. Once I found out I was horrified and dwelt on it for a very long time, embarrassed that I had probably been annoying all my life. But I have also known several people who are amused and impressed by my vault of trivia.

So, work on what you know you can change, and try not to stress too much about what you can't. You can't always know if someone will be offended. You can always apologize sincerely if you hurt someone you care about unintentionally.

And yes, I have been struck mute by other people's anger. My sister regularly screams and curses at me. I never really understand why she is angry, and she doesn't let me defend myself anyway, so i just go silent, and she hangs up. I think people who like to b***h and argue are quite confounded by someone who says absolutely nothing back. I usually think of something later, when I have had time to decompress, but at that time it is pointless.



bully_on_speed
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31 Mar 2010, 8:59 pm

i really want to know what i did or said. i got a mod warning last night about something i said. nothing was deleted. im clueless as to what i did that was found offensive



pumibel
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31 Mar 2010, 9:20 pm

bully_on_speed wrote:
i really want to know what i did or said. i got a mod warning last night about something i said. nothing was deleted. im clueless as to what i did that was found offensive


I bet the mod would tell you if you asked and expressed that you really don't know what you did. I mean, considering the population here has so many Aspies it should be a regular occurance that folks don't realize they have overstepped.



bully_on_speed
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31 Mar 2010, 9:21 pm

i emaild the monkey he hasnt got back to me yet



anbuend
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31 Mar 2010, 9:51 pm

pumibel wrote:
I think people who like to b***h and argue are quite confounded by someone who says absolutely nothing back.


Yeah. I have had people go completely ballistic on me for failing to respond. In some cases they actually try ramping up the intensity of their nastiness just to get a response, any response, out of me. Reminds me of the kids who used to jump up and down on me harder and harder and go "Wow she still doesn't feel it!"

If I've offended someone I usually apologize. Well it depends what they're offended about. If it's a situation where I'm likely to not know something was offensive I will apologize. Because it's so easy for someone with privilege in a certain area to not have the experiences that let them know something they said was deeply offensive to someone without that privilege. And in that situation I apologize, make no attempt to explain why something really wasn't offensive, because that's just obnoxious in a situation like that.

But in other situations... like if someone tells me it's offensive to call myself an autistic person because it has to be person with autism. Or if a parent who doesn't even know the basis for my views on disability, flips out on me when I point out that considering us children in adult bodies leads to things like forced sterilization and prevention of marriage and stuff... forget it. I'm not going to apologize for things like that even if they call me a heartless meanie for it, which has happened.

And if someone engages in outright bullying, then for the most part I don't even waste my breath responding. And that's when they usually try to escalate the situation to force a response.


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League_Girl
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01 Apr 2010, 12:45 am

bully_on_speed wrote:
i emaild the monkey he hasnt got back to me yet



What was the warning about?


I got one too under this account and it was about profanity and he told me he removed it from my post. I had to look through my posts to see what he was talking about. I wanted to look before asking.



signit
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01 Apr 2010, 12:57 am

Yup. It's easy to get paranoid about offending people when you can't read them very well and you're loaded with a heavy baggage full of past failures.

Screwing up with other people isn't like missing a serve in tennis or messing up in a game...you rarely get re-tries.

Not that I'm justifying clamming up necessarily, but it's all too easy to rationalize it.



pumibel
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01 Apr 2010, 12:58 am

anbuend wrote:
pumibel wrote:
I think people who like to b***h and argue are quite confounded by someone who says absolutely nothing back.


Yeah. I have had people go completely ballistic on me for failing to respond. In some cases they actually try ramping up the intensity of their nastiness just to get a response, any response, out of me. Reminds me of the kids who used to jump up and down on me harder and harder and go "Wow she still doesn't feel it!"



Wait- kids would jump on you, literally? I cant imagine something so barbaric- where did you live?



bully_on_speed
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01 Apr 2010, 2:30 am

League_Girl wrote:
bully_on_speed wrote:
i emaild the monkey he hasnt got back to me yet



What was the warning about?


I got one too under this account and it was about profanity and he told me he removed it from my post. I had to look through my posts to see what he was talking about. I wanted to look before asking.


here is the pm from the monkey(btw im not making fun of you i honestly cant try to spell your name right)

"I have received multiple complaints about your recent spate of posts; in review, they are rather grossly inappropriate and contain language this is not acceptable on WP's public forums. Continuing to act in this manner will result in a temporary banning at the minimum"

still no reply. this one seems like i pissed someone off. at the least i want to know who to avoid



TheDoctor82
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01 Apr 2010, 4:18 am

I say "let 'em get offended".

It seems to be the default result anyway, so I kinda just stop caring.

I warn 'em ahead of time that they might be offended, but not to take it the wrong way.

The results are their choices, not mine.