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antique_toy
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02 Apr 2010, 10:58 pm

i have a date this sunday with someone i've been talking to online. i find him very physically attractive and he seems like a nice, intelligent, caring kind of guy. i am very excited to finally be meeting him in person but at the same time i am so nervous about it.
he's a senior in high school and i'm not (i graduated a year ago) and the fact that i'm older than him makes me feel even more self-conscious about my social shortcomings. i'm sure he'll notice how awkward and shy i am and that i talk kind of slow, tap/fiddle with things on tables, and "don't get" things. i can tell that he's very "socially intelligent" and empathetic even for a neurotypical. i have kind of hinted that i have asperger's but i haven't told him yet because i don't want to scare him away or develop a superiority complex with me. some people jump when they hear the word "autism".
but anyway, what can help someone with asperger's on a first date to calm down? how well do relationships between *smart* NT's and aspies work out? should i even bother going?



Tim_Tex
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02 Apr 2010, 11:03 pm

I don't think you should bring it up until you are on a good enough comfort level with him, which can take several dates, if not longer.


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Sound
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02 Apr 2010, 11:11 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
I don't think you should bring it up until you are on a good enough comfort level with him, which can take several dates, if not longer.
+1.

Better to let him get to know you organically. Handing him a label, like AS, doesn't help him understand you any better, and can even help him get the wrong idea.

As for calming down.... I have no idea! :oops:



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02 Apr 2010, 11:34 pm

antique_toy wrote:
i have a date this sunday with someone i've been talking to online. i find him very physically attractive and he seems like a nice, intelligent, caring kind of guy. i am very excited to finally be meeting him in person but at the same time i am so nervous about it.
he's a senior in high school and i'm not (i graduated a year ago) and the fact that i'm older than him makes me feel even more self-conscious about my social shortcomings. i'm sure he'll notice how awkward and shy i am and that i talk kind of slow, tap/fiddle with things on tables, and "don't get" things. i can tell that he's very "socially intelligent" and empathetic even for a neurotypical. i have kind of hinted that i have asperger's but i haven't told him yet because i don't want to scare him away or develop a superiority complex with me. some people jump when they hear the word "autism".
but anyway, what can help someone with asperger's on a first date to calm down? how well do relationships between *smart* NT's and aspies work out? should i even bother going?

It may work, it may not, but give it a try. Definitely give it a shot to avoid regretting not trying.

Sometimes opposites attract because they complete each other.

As to calming down, I would suggest alcohol, though not too much, just enough to give you a buzz.

I'm in a similar situation myself, there is an extremely socially confident girl attracted to me and she still hasn't fled despite my off days. I'm not sure what to do about it but I will make my best attempt.


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03 Apr 2010, 7:28 am

I'd say, using rescue remedy might help with your nerves. About the guy, think, he's meeting you, so he's curious about you and wants to get to know you better. Try to relax and take this as it comes. As others have said, waiting until you're comfortable with him to tell him about things that could be missunderstood (AS etc.) is a good idea.



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05 Apr 2010, 7:24 am

How did the date go?



CockneyRebel
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05 Apr 2010, 8:06 pm

How did it go?


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