If your an aspie, how did you meet your partner?

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autumnsunset
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10 Apr 2010, 1:25 am

Has anyone from this site had a success story where they met here and relationship has "brewed" off site?

How did you meet your partner? Was it through the everyday world, a website eg, a gaming site, a dating site, a forum (maybe aspergers related), or through work colleagues, family and friends.

Is your partner an aspie, or non aspie, if you are an aspie yourself.

Please share if you are comfortable :)



chaotik_lord
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10 Apr 2010, 1:31 am

I have met past partners through their initiation. I would have stayed with one if distance didn't separate us. He heard me talking to my only friend in a 24-hour restaurant where he waited tables, and started throwing (yes, literally), cookies. Then he asked me out the next week. I never left his house; truthfully, we shared our living space for nearly six years thereafter. I am, after all, very rigid. I did have other relationships when we were occasionally forced to live in separate states, but they were short-term with his friends, and with his permission.

Lately I have used the internet, which seems ideal, but they always seem to run. Still, it is very hopeful nonetheless. Even my most desirable nerds seem to be scared off by my honesty.



ShadesOfMe
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10 Apr 2010, 1:51 am

Yes!! I met My boyfriend on here in 2006. January of 08 we met, and in May of 08 (the first) he became my boyfriend! It has been hard to be away from him. He's visiting now though! But, because of the economy we cannot afford to fly too often. Also, he is still 17 so he cannot move here yet. I ahd not seen him for 8 months, so i really, really missed him. I love him a lot, and I'm really glad that wrong planet was here, or else I would not have met him. :D



irishwhistle
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10 Apr 2010, 1:57 am

I met my husband through my college roommate who said that I should write her cousin because he was "weird" like me. I did write him but his return letter seemed a little too weird so I didn't mail my response. He wrote a second letter asking me to call him collect if I wanted to talk. I wasn't really raised to do things on someone else's dime so I didn't, until one weekend when I had been unable to get a date to a girl's choice dance (OUCH). As my roommates went trooping off to the same sort of dance I'd been to Freshman year (and had a great time at each one) I just knew I couldn't sit in the dorm another second and I went to the lounge and called him. We talked all night. The rest was pretty much history. We called, wrote, sent photos, and when I went home from college, he suggested I try this new thing called the internet (I can still hear the roaring of the dinosaurs sometimes... :wink: ). We sent very plan white-on-black text only e-mails that couldn't even maintain paragraph breaks, and chatted on a white-on-black text only message board (called a billboard) on Prodigy, one for fans of Mystery Science Theater 3000. In 1993, after meeting each other only a couple of weeks total, we got married. More time spent around the person you're going to marry is advisable, by the way. The first year involved an incredible amount of adjustment and I was very depressed for a lot of it. Doesn't exactly make a person feel good, being depressed about being married. It got better, though. Much. And one comfort has been knowing that it was our minds that met first. You don't worry so much about having judged the other person suitable for the wrong reasons.


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autumnsunset
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10 Apr 2010, 2:20 am

Great stories guys, so inspirational :) :heart:



Gigi830
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10 Apr 2010, 3:13 am

My husband and I are both diagnosed Aspies. However, we were not diagnosd until after we met. My husband was Dx about 6 yrs ago, shortly after we met, and I was officially Dx a couple weeks ago. Although, we both have suspected I was too after we found out about my husband's AS. I didn't feel I necessarily needed a Dx until recently due to some huge life changes (and therefore routine changes) caused by a big move to a place totally unfamiliar to me and the birth of our son (which is the ultimate routine changer, LOL). It's a long story, but the general idea is while I love my little boy and I take great care of HIM that's ALL that's gets done. My inability to multitask and the overstimulation that comes with having a "little attachment" 24/7 has been very overwhelming. I felt I needed to find out what was going on officially so I can be the best mom I can be.

I used to doubt if I was or not, despite the overwhelming evidence (especially how I was when I was a kid) because I thought, "What are the odds two Aspies would find eachother when they didn't even know that they WERE Aspies in the first place?" Then I realized that HOW I met my husband made it seem more likely.

I met my husband on a dating/social site. I posted a profile because I was sick of going through the annoying dating and friend making process just to be lied to/humiliated/used/whatever. Was very sick of the guys I was meeting in college. I am BAD at "playing the game"/whole drama thing that seems to crop up in most dating situations and I was really tired of it. Decided to just make a brutally honest profile stating exactly what I liked in a person, friend and/or love interest, and exactly what I liked doing (reading, going to museums, playing games like D&D). I also stated I was bad at playing mind games and would NOT put up with anyone doing so with me. Stated that my profile was 100% honest and that I wanted someone who would be that way with me, if they didn't like anything on my profile that was fine- but I didn't want to talk to them. Looking back I realize I basically was ASKING for an Aspie, LOL.

Met a lot of losers- blocked them. Met some nice people, but not many I would consider dating. Then this really handsome guy who liked doing the same kind of stuff contacted me. I found out later that he joined because his friend and him had a discussion about "attractive gamer girls"; my guy bet his friend he could find at least one but he friend doubted it. he searched for profiles with D&D in them and when he saw me he said I seemed like a nice person (He liked my smile).

We talked for a couple months thru email and then he wanted to meet. Well, I had never actually met anyone IRL that I had met through the internet so I was pretty freaked. After about a week of thinking it over I decided it might be OK if we met for coffee in a busy place (for safety's sake). So we met at a Starbucks. It was like meeting an old friend because we liked the same things and felt the same about a lot of things- and we talked a lot about that before we met. We talked until they kicked us out of the Starbucks and then went to a pub down the street where we stayed until they kicked us out there. He didn't kiss me goodnight, which I appreciated. I was used to guys being pretty physical pretty fast, and I had "learned" to "deal" with it- although it made me cringe. I told myself that I was "weird" for not wanting much physical contact and that if I wanted a relationship with someone I had to "get over it". In the past I just followed the guy's lead- which usually left me very uncomfortable. So when he gave me and short, but sweet, hug instead- I was elated. I finally felt like I met someone on the same "wavelength" as me. I never felt pressured or crowded by him. And to this day I still appreciate how he respects my personal space.

We've been together since (6 years! married for almost 2). We have a wonderful little boy, about 5 months old. That is not to say we didn't have our issues- no one is perfect. But we understood each other. And we've never judged one another. We respect each other as friends and equals as well as a romantic partner. I think those things are important in any relationship, not just one that involves Aspies :)

So yeah, that's our story :)


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10 Apr 2010, 3:44 am

I met my husband on a forum. I posted a thread asking if anyone wants to meet. My husband saw the thread and sent me a PM. We talked on AIM for three weeks before meeting which was on my birthday.
He would see me every week on his days off and he take me to work. I fell in love with him and we eventually got an apartment together. Then we got married last summer.

He is not an aspie but he can relate to it. He has brain damage so it effects how he thinks and functions.



astaut
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10 Apr 2010, 11:00 am

I'm not in a relationship now, but I've had three past relationships.

One- I was on a mission trip. There was two churches from two different cities, so some of us already knew enough other but didn't know most of the people there. Funnily enough, I went over to this table to sit by a boy I liked at the time but a boy I didn't know started talking to me. We spent a lot of time together on the trip and when we returned to the states had a 'long distance' relationship for a couple of years.

Two-My friend who is an aspiring photographer took a bunch of pictures of me. When she was at home editing them, her brother began to admire them. She got the big idea that I should date her brother. We had just a fun sort of relationship for a month or so, we weren't a good match.

Three-A girl friend of mine dated a guy who always had friends over at his house. I guess she wasn't comfy around them because she always wanted me to go over there with her. There was a guy there who was ever shyer than me, and we eventually got together by me approaching him (his friends told me he liked me, etc). He had many AS traits. I got on very well with him but we split up for kind of complicated reasons.



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10 Apr 2010, 2:20 pm

ShadesOfMe wrote:
Yes!! I met My boyfriend on here in 2006. January of 08 we met, and in May of 08 (the first) he became my boyfriend! It has been hard to be away from him. He's visiting now though! But, because of the economy we cannot afford to fly too often. Also, he is still 17 so he cannot move here yet. I ahd not seen him for 8 months, so i really, really missed him. I love him a lot, and I'm really glad that wrong planet was here, or else I would not have met him. :D


That's really beautiful. :)



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10 Apr 2010, 3:00 pm

In every case, it was through a friend-of-a-friend. Although I've less compunctions, nowadays, to approach random strangers, and I might be able to get a number from a girl I meet at a bar or club, I anticipate continuing to have better luck via friends-of-friends.

On a side note, this is a good support to why a person should flirt early with a new person, and then retain them as a friend without soreness when one gets rejected. The person who rejected you, but is now your friend, will be a bit more likely to be on the lookout for someone to hook you up with.

Actually there was one exception: an online fling. First met on an MMO. She was a cutey, but after we hooked up, I realized she was not the kind of person I wanted to be around. Bleh.

All were NT, but the last one may not have been.



GriffinGuitar12
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12 Apr 2010, 12:52 pm

I've always wanted to meet a "bohemian"/"coffeehouse"/"poet" type who was also an Aspie (with a quirky sense of humor ;) ). Unfortunately I have yet to find such people who aren't around my parents' age :( Sometimes I find it really difficult to be a right-brained person with a (mostly) left-brained diagnosis. And yeah, I'm still single after all these years. I came close to having a gf once (relatively recently) but we never actually met so in retrospect I honestly don't think it counts as being a "relationship". It was just an attempt at one.



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12 Apr 2010, 4:08 pm

These are great! Congrats to everyone who has found happiness.

The people i've been with I met through work and course.
The work one has moved overseas and I am gutted, oh well, thats life.



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12 Apr 2010, 4:42 pm

I didn't meet him on this site but our friendship and all developed into more from our time on the WP chatroom. He's HFA, I have AS. :)



sketches
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12 Apr 2010, 10:03 pm

I met my boyfriend in high school. We both talk about getting married someday.

I bet that if I didn't meet him in school then I would have otherwise had major issues finding a date.


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12 Apr 2010, 11:27 pm

Come on. Someone has to have a story of meeting in a grocery store or bookstore, etc. Something I can use for encouragement :)