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Anastasia
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10 Apr 2010, 8:59 am

I hate arguing, I can't argue, I'm no good at it, I hate confrontation, all I want is PEACE and quiet.


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gassy
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10 Apr 2010, 9:15 am

I like many people dont like confrontation or getting in arguments.

This is due to several reasons:

1) Like some people have said, I also find it difficult to verbalise what i am trying to communicate. As a result not only does it take a while for me to say what i want to, but i often end up saying something which im not meaning to say, so as a result i often dont say anything, unless i've planned it in advance (for instance it took me a good half an hour to right this, and im still very unsure about what ive written in this post).

2) Also often discussions are about things which i dont know everything about. I feel uncomfortable stating my feelings about something which i dont have full knowledge of; and considering i feel i dont know EVERYTHING about pretty much anything, i dont feel its my position to almost enforce my opinion on somebod else. However, that doesn't mean i wont say anything. I may bring something up on the basis of what i know, but that doesn't mean my opinion is "concrete".

3) Also another important reason is that a lot of arguements i see and try and back out of are very subjective. Given i usually dont feel i can enforce my opinion on someone else (often because of reason 2) and make them change (or even simply consider and listen to) it, i usually just end up listening to the other person (even though it might seem like im just agreeing with them) and their side of it, in order to enable me to consider other opinions in a discussion where there is no One right answer.

4) Talking to people, and figuring out what to say tires me out (probably at least partly due to reason 1) so i simply can't be bothered to argue with them in many cases, especially if reasons 2 and 3 come into "force".

EDIT
Sorry it didn't take me about 30minutes, i just realised it took almost an hour to write this.



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10 Apr 2010, 9:54 am

gassy wrote:
I like many people dont like confrontation or getting in arguments.

This is due to several reasons:

1) Like some people have said, I also find it difficult to verbalise what i am trying to communicate. As a result not only does it take a while for me to say what i want to, but i often end up saying something which im not meaning to say, so as a result i often dont say anything, unless i've planned it in advance (for instance it took me a good half an hour to right this, and im still very unsure about what ive written in this post).

2) Also often discussions are about things which i dont know everything about. I feel uncomfortable stating my feelings about something which i dont have full knowledge of; and considering i feel i dont know EVERYTHING about pretty much anything, i dont feel its my position to almost enforce my opinion on somebod else. However, that doesn't mean i wont say anything. I may bring something up on the basis of what i know, but that doesn't mean my opinion is "concrete".

3) Also another important reason is that a lot of arguements i see and try and back out of are very subjective. Given i usually dont feel i can enforce my opinion on someone else (often because of reason 2) and make them change (or even simply consider and listen to) it, i usually just end up listening to the other person (even though it might seem like im just agreeing with them) and their side of it, in order to enable me to consider other opinions in a discussion where there is no One right answer.

4) Talking to people, and figuring out what to say tires me out (probably at least partly due to reason 1) so i simply can't be bothered to argue with them in many cases, especially if reasons 2 and 3 come into "force".

EDIT
Sorry it didn't take me about 30minutes, i just realised it took almost an hour to write this.


2) Also often discussions are about things which i dont know everything about. I feel uncomfortable stating my feelings about something which i dont have full knowledge of; and considering i feel i dont know EVERYTHING about pretty much anything, i dont feel its my position to almost enforce my opinion on somebod else. However, that doesn't mean i wont say anything. I may bring something up on the basis of what i know, but that doesn't mean my opinion is "concrete".

3) Also another important reason is that a lot of arguements i see and try and back out of are very subjective. Given i usually dont feel i can enforce my opinion on someone else (often because of reason 2) and make them change (or even simply consider and listen to) it, i usually just end up listening to the other person (even though it might seem like im just agreeing with them) and their side of it, in order to enable me to consider other opinions in a discussion where there is no One right answer.


exactly.



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10 Apr 2010, 10:08 am

Quote:
I like many people dont like confrontation or getting in arguments.

This is due to several reasons:

1) Like some people have said, I also find it difficult to verbalise what i am trying to communicate. As a result not only does it take a while for me to say what i want to, but i often end up saying something which im not meaning to say, so as a result i often dont say anything, unless i've planned it in advance (for instance it took me a good half an hour to right this, and im still very unsure about what ive written in this post).

2) Also often discussions are about things which i dont know everything about. I feel uncomfortable stating my feelings about something which i dont have full knowledge of; and considering i feel i dont know EVERYTHING about pretty much anything, i dont feel its my position to almost enforce my opinion on somebod else. However, that doesn't mean i wont say anything. I may bring something up on the basis of what i know, but that doesn't mean my opinion is "concrete".

3) Also another important reason is that a lot of arguements i see and try and back out of are very subjective. Given i usually dont feel i can enforce my opinion on someone else (often because of reason 2) and make them change (or even simply consider and listen to) it, i usually just end up listening to the other person (even though it might seem like im just agreeing with them) and their side of it, in order to enable me to consider other opinions in a discussion where there is no One right answer.

4) Talking to people, and figuring out what to say tires me out (probably at least partly due to reason 1) so i simply can't be bothered to argue with them in many cases, especially if reasons 2 and 3 come into "force".


This exactly.



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10 Apr 2010, 11:11 am

gassy wrote:
I like many people dont like confrontation or getting in arguments.

This is due to several reasons:

1) Like some people have said, I also find it difficult to verbalise what i am trying to communicate. As a result not only does it take a while for me to say what i want to, but i often end up saying something which im not meaning to say, so as a result i often dont say anything, unless i've planned it in advance (for instance it took me a good half an hour to right this, and im still very unsure about what ive written in this post).

2) Also often discussions are about things which i dont know everything about. I feel uncomfortable stating my feelings about something which i dont have full knowledge of; and considering i feel i dont know EVERYTHING about pretty much anything, i dont feel its my position to almost enforce my opinion on somebod else. However, that doesn't mean i wont say anything. I may bring something up on the basis of what i know, but that doesn't mean my opinion is "concrete".

3) Also another important reason is that a lot of arguements i see and try and back out of are very subjective. Given i usually dont feel i can enforce my opinion on someone else (often because of reason 2) and make them change (or even simply consider and listen to) it, i usually just end up listening to the other person (even though it might seem like im just agreeing with them) and their side of it, in order to enable me to consider other opinions in a discussion where there is no One right answer.

4) Talking to people, and figuring out what to say tires me out (probably at least partly due to reason 1) so i simply can't be bothered to argue with them in many cases, especially if reasons 2 and 3 come into "force".

EDIT
Sorry it didn't take me about 30minutes, i just realised it took almost an hour to write this.



It takes me a while to make posts but it only took me a few seconds to make this.



gassy
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10 Apr 2010, 11:33 am

League_Girl wrote:
gassy wrote:
I like many people dont like confrontation or getting in arguments.

This is due to several reasons:

1) Like some people have said, I also find it difficult to verbalise what i am trying to communicate. As a result not only does it take a while for me to say what i want to, but i often end up saying something which im not meaning to say, so as a result i often dont say anything, unless i've planned it in advance (for instance it took me a good half an hour to right this, and im still very unsure about what ive written in this post).

2) Also often discussions are about things which i dont know everything about. I feel uncomfortable stating my feelings about something which i dont have full knowledge of; and considering i feel i dont know EVERYTHING about pretty much anything, i dont feel its my position to almost enforce my opinion on somebod else. However, that doesn't mean i wont say anything. I may bring something up on the basis of what i know, but that doesn't mean my opinion is "concrete".

3) Also another important reason is that a lot of arguements i see and try and back out of are very subjective. Given i usually dont feel i can enforce my opinion on someone else (often because of reason 2) and make them change (or even simply consider and listen to) it, i usually just end up listening to the other person (even though it might seem like im just agreeing with them) and their side of it, in order to enable me to consider other opinions in a discussion where there is no One right answer.

4) Talking to people, and figuring out what to say tires me out (probably at least partly due to reason 1) so i simply can't be bothered to argue with them in many cases, especially if reasons 2 and 3 come into "force".

EDIT
Sorry it didn't take me about 30minutes, i just realised it took almost an hour to write this.



It takes me a while to make posts but it only took me a few seconds to make this.


:D
It usually depends on what im posting/saying though and whether i deem it important for the other person to know exactly what im trying to say; in arguments/debates this is usually the case.
Though having a pint or two does seem to help a bit for my confidence (whether people are able to understand more of what i say though, im not sure)

(sorry to go a little off topic)



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10 Apr 2010, 12:15 pm

If you mean an argument in the terms of debate where two people state their point of view and back it up with facts, and then find and reveal fallacies within the other's statements, then I can see how Aspies would be very good at this sort of argument.

If you are talking about just nitpicking at each other I can see why some people cannot or will not argue in that respect. If someone is yelling at me about something I will totally shut down. On the other hand, I have taken argument writing classes and scored at the very top of my class.

An argument isn't necessarily charged with anger. It can be a peaceful debate where two people do not share the same views but can discuss it intelligently like adults. I can engage in that sort of argument. I will not engage in the petty type where someone is riled and just wants to be heard and is not interested in the other person's views or feelings.



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10 Apr 2010, 12:26 pm

b9 wrote:
i

m planes. he sees vapor trails from jets and concludes that they are "chem trails".
he points out planes leaving vapor trails in the sky and cites them as proof of his assertion, and i reason beyond my doubt that he is incorrect and present him with my reasoning, and he then rejects my reasoning, so i come to the conclusion that he is cognitively aberrant and inform him of that, and i then refuse to discuss the matter further.

whatever. i have said enough for this thread.


Yes I have encountered this same ridiculous theory amongst people at the ATS (Above Top Secret) site of which i am a member. I have given up on that debate because the people who claim those are chemtrails refuse to see any bit of reason and all my hard work researching just goes to waste. In fact, some members on that site are experts in weather and Earth's atmosphere and have stated facts that totally refute "chemtrails" but the conspiracy theorists will not accept it. So the "chemtrail" argument is a waste of time and brain power, as are many other arguments out there. It is just better to walk away from arguments like that.



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10 Apr 2010, 11:01 pm

I'm very good at arguing, unfortunately a lot of people don't argue at all but go into verbal belligerency instead. To me an argument is a logical endeavor, not a verbal attack.


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10 Apr 2010, 11:23 pm

Some people can or could argue but do not see the point wasting their time beating their head against a brick wall. They have better or more important things to do. Do not mistake this with someone who agrees with you or feels that they are wrong.



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10 Apr 2010, 11:32 pm

pumibel wrote:
If you mean an argument in the terms of debate where two people state their point of view and back it up with facts, and then find and reveal fallacies within the other's statements, then I can see how Aspies would be very good at this sort of argument.

If you are talking about just nitpicking at each other I can see why some people cannot or will not argue in that respect. If someone is yelling at me about something I will totally shut down. On the other hand, I have taken argument writing classes and scored at the very top of my class.

An argument isn't necessarily charged with anger. It can be a peaceful debate where two people do not share the same views but can discuss it intelligently like adults. I can engage in that sort of argument. I will not engage in the petty type where someone is riled and just wants to be heard and is not interested in the other person's views or feelings.


Yes, that's what I was talking about.

About the rest you said, I will not argue over stupid things. I hate it and refuse to argue about it. I just let them think they won or think they're right. But I sometimes do fall into stupid arguments.

About the last one, I prefer a open friendly debate, no flame fests. I thought this thread was probably going to turn into one and then I decided to just edit my post taking out where Pensive got offended by. If one person got offended by it, who knows how many other posters got offended by it or who was going to if they read it.



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11 Apr 2010, 1:31 am

I've always been told I could argue with a dead man. My parents have always said I should have been an attorney.



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11 Apr 2010, 2:48 am

League_Girl wrote:

About the last one, I prefer a open friendly debate, no flame fests. I thought this thread was probably going to turn into one and then I decided to just edit my post taking out where Pensive got offended by. If one person got offended by it, who knows how many other posters got offended by it or who was going to if they read it.

Oh don't worry about me. I'm one of those super emotional people who take every argument as a personal insult. But we've said our sorry's so it's all good.
Emotions do get in the way of an argument and I unfortunately can start arguments by pointing out logical flaws and then get overly emotional by someone's disagreement or if they got offended.
That's why I rather avoid them at all costs.


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11 Apr 2010, 5:10 pm

My mind doesn't work fast enough with speech for me to argue. It takes me a long time to think out what I want to say, even if it's just, "Can you pass the salt?" That might take 30 seconds or a minute to work out what I want to say and then get my mouth to say it. Complex arguments are just impossible. I can't get my head around what I want to say and say it. I might be able to argue if I were typing, but that's not very practical. When I disagree with someone I can usually get out, "I disagree," but I can't work out the reasons and explain them. It's very frustrating not to be able to argue. I wish I could.



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11 Apr 2010, 5:47 pm

this is a really interesting topic. It really depends on who I disagree with, whether or not I am going to argument with them. If it is somebody I feel comfortable with like my dad or other people who are close I will find I ussualy play devils advocate even if I agree with them.
There are other people that are not worth arguing with and ususally feel they can stay igorant I don't feel I need to enlighten them have acually tried to reinforce that there stupid belives are right, Have at it pal. But growing up with problems like mine I don't have the selfesteam to argue, pretty hard when you have trouble with speech to argue. Sure have found it ussaly it is the person who expresses themselves best is considered right. I always over annalize every thing and find it hard to take a strong possition in a lot of cases anyway.



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11 Apr 2010, 8:55 pm

SuperTrouper wrote:
My mind doesn't work fast enough with speech for me to argue. It takes me a long time to think out what I want to say, even if it's just, "Can you pass the salt?" That might take 30 seconds or a minute to work out what I want to say and then get my mouth to say it. Complex arguments are just impossible. I can't get my head around what I want to say and say it. I might be able to argue if I were typing, but that's not very practical. When I disagree with someone I can usually get out, "I disagree," but I can't work out the reasons and explain them. It's very frustrating not to be able to argue. I wish I could.



This is the kind of response I was looking for. You were the only one to explain here why you are unable to do it while the rest here appear to choose to not argue and say why. That's not being unable to argue, it's choosing to not argue. Don't people know the difference? :roll:

Perhaps there are NTs out there who are truly unable to argue as well for this reason. Maybe they have a mental condition that disables them to do it or they mean they choose to not do it and they are saying they are unable to?