Being mean or rude without trying to be?

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Does anyone else around here get told that they're being mean, rude, etc, when you're really NOT trying to be rude or mean?

All the time. It's an AS trait. I get it daily if not weekly.

Am not told so. I realise it if I've been mean and apologise if I can. I guess am not very rude or mean

Ofc. I'm rude, mean, hardcore, controversial, disgusting or pervert. I don't want to be, but people like to find hidden meanings and against-them-words in neutral sentences. Ya, because I have nothing to do, but only think about great conspiracy against this person. People definitely overrate themselves.

So I add many conditions, if-s and other things of it's-not-against-you. Sometimes I prefer to say nothing than explain what I mean. I don't like to quibble with people and their offences (sulk? I look for best word for foch).

Only occasionally in person, but I seem to step on toes here in WP forums with shocking regularity.

It's one of the reasons all my posts are edited up to a dozen times even after they're submitted.

Squabble may fit quite nicely.
Although people may find a hidden meaning in it, offending them twice, as my father used it to describe the fights me and my sister had and we are children.

I got called rude many times when I was younger.
I also think that it is the fault of the people who are offended that they are offended.
This is logical, because words are nothing until you apply meaning to them.

I could probably put that on a T-shirt as my moto. I'm accused of it all the time. And even with the diagnosis my wife thinks I'm just being an ass (which my be true too). But it really is tough.

I'll say something that I think it totally innocent and get the dirtest looks, and I have to ask "What?"

Can I ask what kind of things you say which are interpreted as rude/mean?

Example:

My sister was in front of the refrigerator last night, and I wanted to get some water. I said, "excuse me, can I get a drink out of here?"

And she just stared at me and said, "I don't understand why you have to be so rude all the time."



Uh...yeah...totally lost.
This type of thing happens to me ALL the time, regardless of who it is and regardless of where it is.
I don't think it's *what* I'm saying as much as how I'm saying it. It probably has something to do with the tone of my voice or something like that, but I wouldn't know how to fix it(if anyone has suggestions please tell me) since I obviously can't even understand the problem. It's really frustrating because I don't want to sound like I'm trying to make people angry/upset, I just don't know what's going on that's causing this.

The other thing is, when someone interprets me as being mean or rude...I end up feeling attacked because I just don't get it at all, which leads to me getting defensive which means I probably DO wind up sounding mean when that happens.

It saddens me when I think I am getting along with everybody to find out way too late that I was offending someone.

It's the biggest source of arguments with my wife. It can usually be traced back to me getting my vocal tone wrong.

In that case, I think it really must be tone of voice. Adding 'please' at the end can work wonders, but even then I suppose tone of voice can make it sound rude or sarcastic. If your voice is usually loud, I suppose you could make it a little quieter, but... I don't know.

A lot of Aspies have a set, expressionless face which can contribute to this as well. If you do, then try smiling next time (not an over the top grin, just a small smile)

Are you good at imitating? If so, maybe you could listen to a 'polite' person's tone of voice and imitate it. I wouldn't see this as faking or pretending because, as you said, you are not trying to be rude.

Sorry if this is crap advice.

I'm often told I am and that I have a rude tone to my voice. Sometimes I just can't control how my voice sounds.

Yup, daily. I don't see many people on a regular basis other than my family, so you'd think they'd understand me a bit more by now. (They aren't really aware of my self-diagnosis.) I get told far more often that I am oversensitive...

Oooooo, I know this problem! People sometimes tell me Don't yell at me! And I reply I don't yell, but I can start if you want to see the difference. I have strong voice. I can make football fans blush.

I heard also Your "I love you" sounds like "I'll kill you". I can sound sweet and nice, but it hurts, so if I do it, I do it only for a moment. It's easier in English, but I don't speak English every day. We have many pharynx sounds, so after a moment I speak with deep guttural voice again. I have speaking disorder. I can control it, but when I'm nervous, all khhhonthrrrhol disss-aphearrrrh and I have voice like Uruk-hai.

Last edited by Valoyossa on 12 Apr 2010, 12:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I second this =/



It happens to me a lot when only text is involved...and for the most part, it's with girls =/

I have a really good example (in person, not in text). One time, me and my GF (at the time) were at the hardware store, and there were some rocks she really wanted for her lawn, but she said they didn't match the color of her house. I told her (since the paint on her house was so badly chipped away) that she needed to paint her house anyway, so she could paint it any color she wanted.

This did not go over well