I am Mother of the Year!

Post Reply New Topic

My son has been stealing from his teacher. She never did realize it. He has slowly been taking candy and pencils out of her drawer and treat basket at the end of school everyday. I found out Wednesday night when I got into his backpack to get his jacket out. I asked him where he got it, he told me. I made him write her a letter and we bagged it up and he returned it. I told him that taking things without asking is stealing and that he would have to deal with those consequences from her. The very next day...after he cried and was so scared about what would happen when he told her....he stole $20 off the kitchen counter from me. I knew it was gone but thought my husband had taken it. (I usually leave him some cash after I go to the bank.) He took the money and bought books at a book fair at school. (I had already taken him to the book fair) He had new books this evening. When I asked him he admitted it. I just wanted to SHAKE him!! !!

I just LOST IT tonight....I was shreiking (Mother of the Year) at him...Stealing is WRONG and it's a crime. We are trying to teach you this because if you steal from people as an adult you will be in jail!! !!

This parenthood thing is so hard. I am FAILING miserably at it this week.

My friends and I call it MOTFY. We've all been there.

Calm down. The fact that your child is immature is a sign that they are a child, not that you are a bad parent. Every child is immature by the fact that they are born human. So just take a deep breath and relax for a minute.

Secondly, you told him not to steal candy and pencils, you didn't say anything about the 20 dollars on the counter. I know it seems obvious to you, but that is because you have decades of experience learning to generalize. Your child is still working on generalizing vague concepts such as stealing. So I would impress upon him the importance of not stealing, but do realize that you will need to be specific until he understands the generalized concept.

You're human. Allow yourself to be imperfect now and then. Ask yourself, "what do I want to do differently next time this happens?" Be patient, you're going to be a parent for the rest of your life. You've got lots of time to improve. Your child will learn and grow and mature and he will be ok. Take the long term approach. Hang in there.

I think you should return bith sets of books as punishment; the ones he bought, and the ones you bought the previous time.

This isn't your fault.

Excuse me, but you are most definately not mother of the year, that title belongs to me without a shadow of a doubt.

My daughter's stealing has pushed me over the edge into insanity on so many occasions. I've even reached the point where I've made her sit on the doorstep with a suitcase to wait for the lady from social services to come and collect her. (They weren't really coming) It's sounds crazy now but desperation makes you do crazy stuff.

It has gone on with my daughter since she was very little. Stealing from friends and teachers at school, when visiting their homes, from the childminder so that in the end I had to give up work because no one would have her. She stolen from grandma, from shops, from her friends parents. Over the years I tried everything I could think of to get it to stop but nothing works.

I've done the telling off, the making her take it back, making her apologise, grounding her, taking her stuff off her. I even took her to police station once and they gave her a serious talking too and then sat her in a cell for 10 minutes so she could see what it was like. She was terrified, but it didn't stop her. And the most frustrating thing is that she is always genuinely sorry.

She's 16 now and was diagnosed with Asperger's last year. She had CBT to deal with the stealing and so far it appears to have worked. The psychologist told me that I would never have been able to get her to stop on her own. The problem is that an autistic child may know that it is wrong to steal but they don't feel that it is wrong. They can't empathise with the person they are taking from but also they can't empathise with their future selves. And the really scary thing with my daughter is that she can't take what she learns/feels on one occasion and apply it to her current situation. EG She took something off her Grandad that really upset him. She adores her Grandad and was devasted by how upset he was and the fact that she had caused it. But in the same situation, she will do the same again.

It does sound like it might be compulsive, as with MotherKnowsBest's daughter, but he is still young, so I would try a few more things at home.

But don't beat yourself up over this; so many things just are, and we didn't create the situations and sometimes even the best parent in the world would not be able to end them.

What I would suggest is a simple rule that is clear and broad, with something close to a real life consequence when the rule is broken. Go over wording options with your child to make sure you've selected the clearest wording possible, and then post the rule in several places at home, and also put a copy in his backpack. We've done this when we have a priority rule that we really want absorbed, and the emphasis does help. Consequences can include having to return or pay for the item stolen, plus a fine of some sort, and either a time out or some sort of freedom restriction similar to jail time. Explain how the proposed consequence correlates to what will happen if he does this as an adult. If you want to make the consequences proportionate to the value of the items involved, that is real world, also.

If he doesn't have an allowance or other source for his own money, then he will need to choose a job to earn some money. For that, you can create chores or pay him for acquiring some independence skill you've been trying to encourage him on (but if you do that, make it clear it is a limited time agreement, for by some defined age he will be expected to do it just because of his maturity level).

Good luck. Deep breathe. You're doing fine. Whenever I see someone with an overblown ego lately I start thinking, "they must not have kids; kids are sure to deflate an ego like that one pretty quick." It must be a lesson we're meant to learn,right? Or life wouldn't have made it this way? True humility, and the realization that we don't control much in this world; both come with parenting.

O.K. I might have to fight you for that label!! LOL!! I've been there two weeks in a row. Last week we were on a vacation and my son wouldn't wash his hair (said I bought the wrong shampoo). I told him if he didn't, he would lose his privileges for the next week, including his life line - the computer. I went up 3o min later to find him in a pile on the floor bawling (he's 15), unable to even move. UGH!!

Then last night we went out to eat. I picked the restaraunt specifically cuz it was one he will actually eat at. Then he ordered steak bites but refused to eat them cuz "they had fat in them". I got so upset. The manager came over cuz I think she thought there was a problem w/ the food. I told her, no, if she "could just take my kids" I'd be good.

Needless to say, later I felt like a complete heel!! ! They just drive me over the edge sometimes. I have the one ASpie (15) and one w/ Anxiety and ADHD ( really close to being on the spectrum if you ask me) and a 10 yr old girl who thinks she is a DIVA!!

Nice to know there are other parents going thru this.

Hang in there! From one Mom of the Year to another, you are not alone!

I used to take things home from school and mom would see them in my bag and make me bring them back to school.

I stole a green Hot Wheels car, from one of my cousins one time, when I was 8. My mum made me return it, the next time that we went there, to visit.