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Leander
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19 Apr 2010, 9:33 pm

What are some common ways that two people meet for the first time and start a relationship? What possibilities are open to someone without much of a social circle?

It seems as though not putting myself in a position where I might meet new people is one of my bigger problems at the moment. I'd always assumed conversations could spark in random, everyday places and lead to friendship, but I have a feeling that only really works in the movies. Unless people are just picking up on my nervousness about socialising and steering clear.

Social anxiety is the other barrier, which significantly limits the kinds of situations I'd be willing to put myself in. I've been naively trying to get out more lately (going for walks at the lake, eating out, hanging around shops a little more often, etc) in the hopes that someone nice might magically approach me and take an interest, and of course it's not happening. Does anyone have any suggestions for meeting people that wouldn't involve leaping head-first out of my comfort zone into some sort of whirring social blender, like a party? Or are scary things like that pretty much the only way things are going to happen?



hale_bopp
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19 Apr 2010, 10:10 pm

Its more prone to happen if you don't go out there consciously looking. Murphy's law.

I know a guy who met his wife at the bus stop, but he didn't go to the bus stop with the intention to strike up a conversation with a stranger and get into a relationship with them.



Leander
Snowy Owl
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19 Apr 2010, 11:06 pm

Yeah, I can understand that. I'm not so much actively looking out for a relationship, but rather trying to expose myself to more situations where one might form naturally. Because as it stands I lead too much of a private, reclusive life to really allow for that possibility.

It's a problem that's been holding me back for a long time - I'm too practised at avoiding people and the social situations that make me uncomfortable, and need to somehow learn to creep out of my comfort zone more if I'm to avoid being alone for the rest of my days. Finding more reasons to leave my apartment, creating more opportunities for human contact, seemed like it might help with that.



Ladarzak
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19 Apr 2010, 11:23 pm

>I'd always assumed conversations could spark in random, everyday places and lead to friendship, but I have a feeling that only really works in the movies.

Any books by Leil Lowndes have a ton of very practical tips in them, practical and short on theory. She has one on shyness that is very good and will help you develop the smiling and eye contact skills to have conversations with all sorts of people in casual situations. From this, something can spark and you will have the skills to talk to people who are harder to approach.



machf
Deinonychus
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20 Apr 2010, 12:32 pm

Leander wrote:
What are some common ways that two people meet for the first time and start a relationship? What possibilities are open to someone without much of a social circle?

It seems as though not putting myself in a position where I might meet new people is one of my bigger problems at the moment. I'd always assumed conversations could spark in random, everyday places and lead to friendship, but I have a feeling that only really works in the movies. Unless people are just picking up on my nervousness about socialising and steering clear.

Social anxiety is the other barrier, which significantly limits the kinds of situations I'd be willing to put myself in. I've been naively trying to get out more lately (going for walks at the lake, eating out, hanging around shops a little more often, etc) in the hopes that someone nice might magically approach me and take an interest, and of course it's not happening. Does anyone have any suggestions for meeting people that wouldn't involve leaping head-first out of my comfort zone into some sort of whirring social blender, like a party? Or are scary things like that pretty much the only way things are going to happen?

Can't really help you with that, I've been trying pretty much the same lately without any success...
And speaking of bus stops... I just happened to sit down by one yesterday for half an hour, no luck either.

Years ago we used to hang out around those same places on weekends with a group of friends, both male and female ones... but later for reasons of work and/or studies, we stopped meeting so often, until eventually we stopped altogether almost 10 years ago. Then I started hanging around with the people from the scale modeling association, but those guys are even worse than me, they've rented a place and spend saturday nights staying there watching TV and ranting about politicians until 2am, never go out or meet any women (strip joints and brothels don't count IMO), and badmouth those who have a GF and no longer hang out with them for "wasting their money on them"... of course I don't go over there anymore, and since I got tired of trying to reunite my old group of friends again (some are outside the country, and others are currently too busy with work, we've probably only met once over the past 5 years), that's when I decided to just go out by myself.



DavidM
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20 Apr 2010, 12:35 pm

You can post a lot on a forum and then find out that two other members live in the same city as you, then meet up with them.

Then, it might be that both of them try to have sex with you (a male and a female) or give you drugs. Who knows?

How now, brown cow?