finding out and how to explain to parents.

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Computerwizkid
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21 Apr 2010, 1:53 am

I'am 21 years old i live at home becous i have tried getting jobs but found i get stressed and depressed, found out i may be an aspie through the fact i chew my shirt and alot of the posts i found on it while searching the net had aspies in it and reasons they chew alot of those reasons fit me.

when i told my parents bout that they shruged it off with doubt it coments, wich is typical now days from them from what i have experianced from the time i turned 18
but while serching i found my stress at work was becouse i get over stimulated by the fact working makes me think and jobs dont permit me to use ways i have found to distract my thoughts or release them so i get stressed then depression sets in.
so in other words it is hard for me to have a job, also a note i have acid reflux and had ulsers at around age 13 at wich i had to be medicated for, and acid reflux could lead to berets wich is highly cancerous.

but now i face a fact that i have come to learn i may have asperger's syndrom or one of the autism spectrom disorders, and live witha family that is some what hostile to me now and would not belive me if i told them.

i just duno how to tell them and am wondering if any one else here faces similer problems or have faced them atleast.


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French_Lola
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21 Apr 2010, 2:51 am

where did you read about the chewing thing? I chew my own fingers all the time and pretty much everywhere (I know, yuk) and didn't know it could be related. I always have a finger in my mouth :s Usually I 'eat' the skin on the extremities :?

About the family, I'm afraid i can't be of much help. Mine doesn't know and even if i told them, they wouldn't understand or believe me since AS is unknown in France and of course autists are kids who can't talk and swing 24/7 in the corner of a room.... :roll: and my bouncing leg isn't enough to cover that part.

My family sees me as heartless. I fairly can't get myself to like them or care (but don't show it of course). Now is it my fault? Unfortunately, loving somebody is not something you can force. Of course I do force myself to meet them once in a while but it never seems to be enough for them. "We never see you, bla bla bla"
I live one hour from them and driving for two hours once a month to go and see people that bore me to death is really a chore to me, yet I still do it FOR THEM, just to please them and make them happy; and when I do get there after my one hour of driving, I get bashed because they haven't seen me in a month. WTF?!? Will bashing me every single time help me like them? It makes me even more indifferent to them and yes, it's a real pain to go there and a total waste of my time on top of that. And i think they're very selfish for willing me to spend my only day off with them. I much prefer being alone with my husband, the one person i do love.

I wish I loved more people, I try to spend time with people but it never pays off. Every time I only see more flaws in them (and likewise they see more in me).
You're kind of lucky because obviously you care about your family enough to spend some time to ask this question here. Or you're just sick of them like I was before I moved out. All in all i hope you'll find a solution to these issues.

Now about work, rest assured it stresses me too. Seeing x dozens of people who shake hand and kiss everyday, and worst of all, talk, really stresses me. On top of that there's my boss, i'm so fed up with him. "you never understand", bla bla bla. If only he explained quickly and simply instead of getting into long rants... My problem is when I'm not interested in what people say, I try to focus but eventually i always zone out. Work is no exception :s



y-pod
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21 Apr 2010, 4:16 am

Oh it must be hard for them to accept if you're still live with them. Can you get an official diagnosis? Many parents don't believe there's anything wrong with their kids until doctors tell them so.

Regarding jobs. If your username means something then you're very good with computers? I think chance is good that you can probably find such a job that let you mostly work with computers and don't interact with other people much. Your parents' responses won't matter to you much if you can support yourself.



one-A-N
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21 Apr 2010, 6:41 am

French_Lola wrote:
where did you read about the chewing thing? I chew my own fingers all the time and pretty much everywhere (I know, yuk) and didn't know it could be related. I always have a finger in my mouth :s Usually I 'eat' the skin on the extremities :?


I chew my fingers. When I was a child, I chewed my fingernails. Then, I stopped that, but ended up just chewing all my pens. When I began using computers and stopped using pens much, I discovered that I was chewing my fingers and now I have calluses on all the knuckles and even elsewhere on my fingers. The calluses match where my teeth regularly bite on my fingers.



Computerwizkid
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21 Apr 2010, 10:19 am

lola,
as for the cewing i use the standard search engen and wa seeking a posible prevention or alternative to chewing on my shirt, i cant remember the sites ir i would give it to you.

as for the computer thing you ar right i put the name to that on perpouse becous it is what iam my talent lies in computers i have even got a computer to work a school librarian could not and all i had to do was plug it in and he had been doing that all day trying to find out what was wrong with it.


and y-pod,
as fro getting a diagnosis verry little i can do now i have no job there for no money, my drivers license is expired so i canot drive my self, so on both parts i need my parents to help, more so with money than travel i have friends and even family members like my aunt who would drive me.

where i live it is hard to find a computer related job i live in utah in an aeria where oil field work is the bigest thing there is only one computer shop in 10 miles and that is in the other town from where i live wich is the hub of the whole area around it yes small towns and one city type deal.

iam forced to stay here under current situation untill i know more and can find out somthing that i can do that wont lead to one posible death or another there is no point in it if i dont get to live.


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persian85033
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21 Apr 2010, 1:16 pm

Get a job that you have to work on a computer. :D And that you work in a cubicle. Then you don't have to be talking to people so much. I don't. I just come and stay in my cubicle, and type, click, etc. The only thing, every morning, people who walk by say hi. I just turn, I say 'hi' quietly, acknowledge them. It's very awkward, but it's only once, in the morning.

I know exactly how you feel, French_Lola. It IS selfish of people wanting you to spend your time with them. Fortunately, my parents and I are getting along much better now that I am going to counselling. But when my grandparents come over, it's a nightmare. They come unnannounced, and then when they're there, they want me to come downstairs, sit with them, hug them. I work from 7:30-4, five days a week, I only have the evenings and weekends to myself, and is it so terrible and selfish to want to spend that time on things I enjoy. To watch one hour of television each evening, to read a book, to work on my puzzle, or to watch my movies? I don't mind my brother coming, I love to see him, but they have even turned that into a nightmare. They're obsessed. No one can say anything about him coming, because they're going to be there for a month, even though he's only going to be in town for a week.


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rainbowbutterfly
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21 Apr 2010, 1:37 pm

Computerwizkid wrote:
but while serching i found my stress at work was becouse i get over stimulated by the fact working makes me think and jobs dont permit me to use ways i have found to distract my thoughts or release them so i get stressed then depression sets in.

If I understand clearly what you mean, I think that I might have similar issues. For me it helps if I keep track of all of my erands and work hours on a daily planner. That way, I plan a minimum amount of time each day for working or job searching, and also am able to set aside lee way time for daydreaming or other leisure activities.



French_Lola
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22 Apr 2010, 4:00 am

persian85033 wrote:
Get a job that you have to work on a computer. :D And that you work in a cubicle. Then you don't have to be talking to people so much. I don't. I just come and stay in my cubicle, and type, click, etc. The only thing, every morning, people who walk by say hi. I just turn, I say 'hi' quietly, acknowledge them. It's very awkward, but it's only once, in the morning.
(...) But when my grandparents come over, it's a nightmare. They come unnannounced, and then when they're there, they want me to come downstairs, sit with them, hug them. I work from 7:30-4, five days a week, I only have the evenings and weekends to myself, and is it so terrible and selfish to want to spend that time on things I enjoy. To watch one hour of television each evening, to read a book, to work on my puzzle, or to watch my movies? (...).

Thanks Persian85033 for your input :) It is not terrible of you to want to spend your little free time on things you enjoy.
Hey you should try to come and work over here! Saying 'hi' might be awkward, I wish i could do that! The greeting ceremonies here are painfully and ridiculously thorough. You have to kiss everybody or shake their hands (yes you also have to remember who likes to be kissed and who prefers shaking hands). Saying Hello out loud is not enough for them. :roll:



wendigopsychosis
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22 Apr 2010, 8:39 am

French_Lola wrote:
where did you read about the chewing thing? I chew my own fingers all the time and pretty much everywhere (I know, yuk) and didn't know it could be related. I always have a finger in my mouth :s Usually I 'eat' the skin on the extremities :?


I didn't know that chewing was a trait either until just a few days ago! I learn new things all the time.
I found the chewing thing very interesting, as when I was younger I had a serious problem with chewing on the cuffs of my sleeves (my mother never let me borrow her shirts for this reason) and eventually it evolved into nail biting...
If no one's around I'll sit with my fingers in my mouth and just sort of gnaw on them haha.
I notice that my (AS) boyfriend also does this. He chews the skin around the pads of his fingers and his knuckles.

Makes me think of this...
Image
:lol:


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j0sh
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22 Apr 2010, 2:04 pm

French_Lola wrote:
Hey you should try to come and work over here! Saying 'hi' might be awkward, I wish i could do that! The greeting ceremonies here are painfully and ridiculously thorough. You have to kiss everybody


8O

I don't think I could handle that.



pumibel
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22 Apr 2010, 2:38 pm

j0sh wrote:
French_Lola wrote:
Hey you should try to come and work over here! Saying 'hi' might be awkward, I wish i could do that! The greeting ceremonies here are painfully and ridiculously thorough. You have to kiss everybody


8O

I don't think I could handle that.


I could not handle that. Period. I barely ever kiss anyone. I kiss my daughter goodnight on the cheek. That is it. If I had a boyfriend I might kiss him too LOL, but after several dates. hahahaha

Back on the original topic:

Computerwizkid- you are only 21 and it is still worth it for your parent to get you some type of help. Your problems could come from an ASD, a learning disability they never tested you for like ADD or ADHD, and plenty of other things: old fashioned depression or anxiety. If it would make you more productive and have more options for a better life ahead of you, I don't understand why your parents wont at least help you get to a doctor. It is hardly time to give up on you- you are just barely an adult. Maybe if you print off descriptions of Aspergers and show them it will help them understand you are serious. Hopefully you have not gone down this same path with them over countless other disorders because that can start to wear down your credibility.

If they call you "lazy, unmotivated, sloppy",or say you have "no common sense", "no ambition", etc, tell you to just "try harder" I have to say it sounds just like people who are talking to a person with an an undiagnosed ASD.

Keep researching and gathering facts, see if a local university does studies and try to get seen for one. Then get a ride to that appointment. There is no harm in trying to get it confirmed or ruled out. It could actually help you get proper thereapy and maybe vocational rehab. Include that in your pitch to your family.



French_Lola
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22 Apr 2010, 2:59 pm

pumibel wrote:
j0sh wrote:
French_Lola wrote:
Hey you should try to come and work over here! Saying 'hi' might be awkward, I wish i could do that! The greeting ceremonies here are painfully and ridiculously thorough. You have to kiss everybody

8O
I don't think I could handle that.

I could not handle that. Period. I barely ever kiss anyone. I kiss my daughter goodnight on the cheek. That is it

Well get raised in a country where your parents keep yelling at you "say hello" :evil: and eventually you'll force yourself to do it, people get very mad when you don't :?



eb31
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22 Apr 2010, 3:09 pm

I told two people in my family. One listened to the indications and agreed completely, the other said I know all about AS and you don't have it...



Computerwizkid
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22 Apr 2010, 11:58 pm

the problem with trying to explain even with the fact infront they would not belive me, also the chance of them even looking at the facts are slim when i mentiond the chewing thing and they said doubt it i told them to look it up or if they wish i would compile a list of site links for them, and i did get a good list of links for it but they were to busy to even want to try now i have lost my 8gb usb becous i set it some where and all that is on it is the txt format document with thelist of links.

oh by the way just to night when my little brothers were playing on my xbox and wanted to play a game i had that the parents outlawed to be played for them they took the game any ways and whent to ask if they could play it i followed them out and reminded the parents that they had outlawd it and asked why alllowing them ro remember they said no i went to get the disk back from one of my younger brothers he pulled hi hand away befor i could even touch the disk knocking over a glass of watter.
my parents both got upset i guess it is my fault for reaching for the disk but i have been grounded of the computer and all games along with my two little brothers both age 13 and 14. the fact is it was my disk and when the parents said no should they have not given it back to me, i went into my room after things were said and done said my good byes to my friends i was online with although being impatiantly yelled at to get off, my brother also put the disk back in the case and presumed to be rude to me, and call me jerkoff and such names i procided to say that they were no longer allowed to play on my xbox. and i got yelled and and even told to packmy things and move out, this is not new i always am told to move out if i dont like it or, i live here rent free even though i do practicly everything iam asked with little delay for most of it, i even help them take care of there computers.

i duno if i realy deserve this kind of treat ment all i know of it realy is i have to defend my self and my stuff becous if i do nothing about my siblings they get to walk all over me with disrespect. and i have to put up with it they acoused me of trying to be the perent becous i told them that the parents had said that they were not alowed to play that game.

i wonder what do you think of this to me iam sick of it and have had to go through with this atleast 3 times a month since i was 18 and hadent moved out.

this is esily one of the bigest thing that have contributed to my depression i currently am trying to control and win over.


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pumibel
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23 Apr 2010, 4:12 pm

Your parents do not want you to live at home any more, and they are making it as unpleasant as possible for you. If you can't go to college, it would be better for you to get a job and move out. I know this seems impossible, but if you don't have any other family, what are you going to do. If you at least get some type of job to pay rent to them, you can expect more freedom. You also need to get your license renewed. If you do that and go look for a job you can at least show them you have some responsibility.

You lost the flash drive with the sites you would have them look at. That just adds to their belief that you are immature and irresponsible. Why don't you bookmark them on the computer? My god, this isn't so hard!

I don't mean to attack you, but you have to meet them halfway.



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23 Apr 2010, 4:31 pm

Give them a good book on AS to read.


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