Why am I like this with people? Are you?

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Spazzergasm
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21 Apr 2010, 2:28 pm

Every time I seem to somehow magically "hit it off" with a person, I retract, and it ends.
Like this guy noticed I had some cool things, and he's being nicer to me, and more interested in me. I don't mean like, a romantic interest, because he's a freshman (although he's cute. but it's funny, because he has eyes IDENTICAL to hitler's...which is kinda scary. XD), but just friends.
And since this kid is giving me attention, I get awkward around him, and avoid eye contact when he's within like, 5 feet. It's terrible. I do this with most guys, or girls initially...But mostly guys. My social anxiety kicks in and for some reason, their presence becomes too intense, so I can't focus if they're too close. So I try and keep distance. And this leads to the death of this invitation to friendship. :(

Anyone else get this? I want to stop, but then I look stupid if I force myself, and the person may not like me.



LittleTigger
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21 Apr 2010, 2:44 pm

I am like this with strangers, no worse,
I won't even talk to strangers.

I must know someone very well before
I don't stand off from them.


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Willard
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21 Apr 2010, 3:02 pm

Boy, do I know that feeling. It happens to me when people get flirty with me, especially if I'm already juggling the stimulus overload of being in a public place. Sometimes it helps to have something to put between myself and the other person - something physical like a desk, or even wearing a jacket I can kind of use as a shell. Can't help stimming at moments like that, if I didn't rock, I'd just have to turn around and walk away. :oops:

All I can think of is to just tell the guy the truth - that you have a touch of the Autiz' and it makes you progressively goofier the more social stimuli you're juggling, so not to take it personally if you seem to be acting a little weird, it's not personal.

:shrug:



Spazzergasm
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21 Apr 2010, 3:13 pm

Willard wrote:
Boy, do I know that feeling. It happens to me when people get flirty with me, especially if I'm already juggling the stimulus overload of being in a public place. Sometimes it helps to have something to put between myself and the other person - something physical like a desk, or even wearing a jacket I can kind of use as a shell. Can't help stimming at moments like that, if I didn't rock, I'd just have to turn around and walk away. :oops:

All I can think of is to just tell the guy the truth - that you have a touch of the Autiz' and it makes you progressively goofier the more social stimuli you're juggling, so not to take it personally if you seem to be acting a little weird, it's not personal.

:shrug:


It would be nice if i could get far enough to require that sort of honesty. He sits across from me in class, so that helps. It's a shame. He's such a fascinating kid. He is a great artist and intensely loves history, and has a leatherman he uses in art, like me!



superboyian
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21 Apr 2010, 3:31 pm

I'm technically not much different, I cannot at all get close to the person or look at them in the eye very well.. :(
The only time when I get close and look directly into the eyes of is my girlfriend's. :heart:


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21 Apr 2010, 4:21 pm

I am like that too. I live at my aunt's house. And my cousin always brings her friends home. Some of her female friends are nice (most of them have boyfriends) to me and want that I join the conversation with them but I can't! It is so embarassing! :oops: . My cousin says that I "run away from the conversations"! I wish I knew what to do in a moment like that!



Last edited by Wedge on 21 Apr 2010, 5:02 pm, edited 2 times in total.

MONKEY
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21 Apr 2010, 4:34 pm

I can get like that. Someone can be really interested in friendship and my first instinct is to step back. Weird. If I want the friendship to work I have to ignore that feeling and keep the friendship going. But for the first bit I get scared sort of like I'm not sure if it will last or how to carry it on so I start "hiding". I have missed many friend opportunities because of this stupid habit.
In highschool a girl who hadn't spoke to before showed interest and was being friendly but I wasn't doing anything back, she even bought me a nice pen with a little slow globe type thing on the top of it from her holiday, then after that I hardly spoke to her at all and I had missed the chance to make friends with her. But I didn't feel I connected with her so it wasn't like I was going to be all nice and a friend to her and I was nervous about it.
I spoke to a girl in college last October when I went on a trip with my art class, we got on really well and we spoke on the coach and walked around the gallery together, then it hit me that we could be friends so I felt really excited but after that one day I had become really quiet because I didn't know what to do next and it took weeks for her to start approaching me instead of waiting for me to approach her. To this day we have never got past the acquaintance stage.


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Aimless
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21 Apr 2010, 4:43 pm

Yes, especially if it seems to be a romantic interest. I panic and retreat without thinking. I decided to face my fears with my son's father. It didn't work out (in a very bad way) but I treasure my son, the little bastard.



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21 Apr 2010, 5:19 pm

I am the same way. There are a few people I've wanted to become friends with because we had lots in common and I really liked them, but I just don't know how to do it so I back off instead. It really sucks but I don't know how to change it. And I can never think of things to say at the time, even if I've rehearsed it beforehand my mind draws a blank when I'm in the actual situation.


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hartzofspace
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21 Apr 2010, 5:29 pm

superboyian wrote:
I'm technically not much different, I cannot at all get close to the person or look at them in the eye very well.. :(
The only time when I get close and look directly into the eyes of is my girlfriend's. :heart:


Yes, the only person I feel comfortable maintaining prolonged eye contact with, is my boyfriend. And, it took about 4 months before I could look into his eyes, without panicking. :oops:


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MONKEY
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21 Apr 2010, 5:34 pm

hartzofspace wrote:
superboyian wrote:
I'm technically not much different, I cannot at all get close to the person or look at them in the eye very well.. :(
The only time when I get close and look directly into the eyes of is my girlfriend's. :heart:


Yes, the only person I feel comfortable maintaining prolonged eye contact with, is my boyfriend. And, it took about 4 months before I could look into his eyes, without panicking. :oops:


I have one very close friend who I enjoy eye contact with. The rest can get lost, I don't even look my mum in the eyes but that one friend, I could look at them all day.


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ForsakenEagle
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21 Apr 2010, 6:25 pm

Yes, this can tend to happen a lot. It is really hard to break out of the shell before the potential friendship goes to waste.



Cryforthemoon
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21 Apr 2010, 7:05 pm

With people I know I have no problem. With new people boy oh boy does it happen a lot. I know some people at work try to help me out. But I just can't do it at times. There was a group of them that wanted to go out and just do something out side of work. They asked if I wanted to go the first time I said know. The next time I said yes and the whole time I just wanted to go home. I worked really hard to stay and even though I knew them the fact I was doing something out side of my zone of were I feel clam and happy was buliding.

Which is odd because I'm just fine with the one and only real frined I have out side of work.



katzefrau
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21 Apr 2010, 11:15 pm

Willard wrote:
All I can think of is to just tell the guy the truth - that you have a touch of the Autiz' and it makes you progressively goofier the more social stimuli you're juggling, so not to take it personally if you seem to be acting a little weird, it's not personal.


Willard, after seeing a few posts of yours, i think you should start an AS advice column.

:hail:


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CockneyRebel
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22 Apr 2010, 12:39 am

I've had a few experiences like that, during my life. I'd think that I was really connecting with somebody, and than I could tell that I wasn't, just by looking at their eyes. I guess that's the reason that eye contact is so important.


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tinky
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22 Apr 2010, 2:00 am

It's a bad habit of mine as well. I tell people i have AS when it comes up in conversation or if they are confused as to why i was joking around with them yesterday yet ignoring them today. My silly, joking around behavior with people around me is one of the ways i get "feedback" from people. I feel more comfortable when i can make a person laugh.

Eye contact is not too hard for me but it's still a problem in conversation.


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