Do you agree with my parenting style?

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willaful
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21 Apr 2010, 8:43 pm

AnAutisticMind wrote:
you bring up a great point

ours' is done out of love and for his future...nothing else matters

but i do see your point and it is a good one...if it is done out of a parents' embarassment or to ridicule, it is a detriment


Oh, I'm sure it is done out of love! You don't want him to suffer like you have. But feeling like you can't do anything right is a real burden. So finding a balance is the tricky part.


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League_Girl
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21 Apr 2010, 9:25 pm

AnAutisticMind wrote:
as a man with aspergers, I really can still remember the ridicule of my strange acting in public.Once someone sees you do something inappropriate,(in school, on the street, etc) they never forget it.AND ALWAYS REWMIND YOU! :twisted:

i am teaching my 8 yr old moderately functioning autistic how to behave in public. he understands everything. my wife and i constantly correct him when he stims in public, or makes noises, or does anything inappropriate . we tell him that "in public", that is not what we do

my reasons are to teach him how to properley function in the real world, which is not a pretty place. i also dont want him to endure the humiliations i did as i was growing up from lack of social understanding.

however, he is allowed to stim and be as autistic as he wants to be in the privacy of his own home, within reasons of course. i feel he needs to live out his autism in a private way and never change who he really is

i just want him to learn how to act appropriately in public. sure he has to mask who he is in public and act as nuerotypical as possible. but we feel that is the best way to help him in a very cruel world.

anyone else use this philosophy...is it wrong?....a better way?

thanks


I agree with what you're doing.

If you allowed him to act autistic out in public, he will attract bullies and get picked on. So when he acts more normal, he will get less bullying and less crap.



Apple_in_my_Eye
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21 Apr 2010, 9:41 pm

Sounds like a tough call trying to figure out what the best balance is.

I don't have any idea what to do, but there could be an issue with getting to know people. Or, people getting to know him, that is: they meet the 'public' face and maybe don't transition well to meeting the real face of the person. A good filter for quality people, perhaps, but could also lead to "no one likes the real me." A price to being a little too good at passing.

I sometimes wonder if looking a little obviously different is completely bad. Maybe just a stim here and there. There'd be more marginalization, but it also might also scare off the people who would react badly to a later (after there's an investment on both sides) realization that they can't handle that the person isn't as normal as they thought.

Maybe the thing is to somehow get across this entire dynamic. To learn to 'test' people if there is an interest, to gauge what to do next or if it seems worth it. And above all that it isn't about being a lesser or undesireable person, of course.