Do you agree with my parenting style?

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as a man with aspergers, I really can still remember the ridicule of my strange acting in public.Once someone sees you do something inappropriate,(in school, on the street, etc) they never forget it.AND ALWAYS REWMIND YOU!

i am teaching my 8 yr old moderately functioning autistic how to behave in public. he understands everything. my wife and i constantly correct him when he stims in public, or makes noises, or does anything inappropriate . we tell him that "in public", that is not what we do

my reasons are to teach him how to properley function in the real world, which is not a pretty place. i also dont want him to endure the humiliations i did as i was growing up from lack of social understanding.

however, he is allowed to stim and be as autistic as he wants to be in the privacy of his own home, within reasons of course. i feel he needs to live out his autism in a private way and never change who he really is

i just want him to learn how to act appropriately in public. sure he has to mask who he is in public and act as nuerotypical as possible. but we feel that is the best way to help him in a very cruel world.

anyone else use this philosophy...is it wrong?....a better way?

thanks

Sounds perfectly fine to me.

Do you explain why you tell him not to stim in public, so he can make decisions as he gets older? I am 19 and I have decided to 'act autistic' when I'm at uni because people there don't seem to care.

Depending of course on what the stim is, I see no innate problem with stimming in public. If I wasn't able to rock back and forth on the balls of my feet sometimes, I would have panic attacks in public, which would be far more embarrassing.

I don't think teaching someone to repress who they are is healthy, unless it involves a self expression that's likely to get them in trouble. If you think you're going to teach an Autistic to hide their Autism so well no Neurotypical person would ever identify them as different, you might as well be trying to disguise an elephant as a sparrow.

I took as much sh*t as anybody for my peculiar behaviors, but repressing them would only have caused me more anxiety than I already had, and my natural anxiety level is pretty high. You just gotta let other people's razzing and nagging roll off you, screw 'em if they don't get it. They're going to discriminate against anybody that's different - holding your true personality in so nobody will notice is an exercise in futility that will quickly make you miserable.

But my two cents won't get you a gumball...

As long as it's done in a loving manner, I think it's a good thing. I think the reason I've functioned as well as I have is because of the CONSTANT corrections I got from my mother. I'm not saying that being on the receiving end of those constant corrections was fun, but I do think it has something to do with my success in living independently as an adult. Unfortunately, she didn't understand why I was different, so those corrections weren't always very loving.

Here's the main reason why I think what you're doing is ok/good:

It seems like some people who were diagnosed early in life and were over-sheltered their entire childhood don't stand a chance in the real world; because they were over-sheltered. They spend the first 18 years of their life in an environment where anything goes and everything is attributed to having AS. Then when they try to leave this overly sheltered environment, they don't understand why the entire world doesn't accommodate them like they are used to.

When you are out in the real world as an adult, people don't cut you slack. They automatically assume the worst and first impressions are huge. It would be nice if things were different, but they aren't. A boss isn't going to hire someone that is doing some kind of bizarre behavior in the waiting room or in the interview. It's just how life is, and life is seldom fare.

If you can prepare your son for reality, in a loving manner, you are doing him a service. It's about survival in the real world we live in.

My 2c

The phrase "constant corrections" is a red flag for me. My experience with my son is that too many corrections can make him feel really lousy. If your constant corrections are causing your child anxiety and low self-esteem, you won't be doing him any favors. I'm not saying that they *are*, just that it's something to be aware of.

My parents were like that, about my Cockney accent. They kept on telling me not to speak in a nasal tone. "Don't talk through your nose! You're talking through your nose, again!" It made me feel very lousy. That whole Summer of 87, when I was 12, I'd wake up each day, wondering how many times my parents were going to tell me not to speak in a nasal tone, that day, instead of thinking about what a nice day it was, or I'd better run into the living room, because The Monkees would soon be on. I was in denial about the fact that I speak with a Cockney accent, from that point, until I've started college. I told my friends and teachers, that I sounded like The Beatles. I've even heard some kids say that I didn't sound like The Beatles, behind my back, as I would leave my regular classes, to go to more regular classes. A Kinks Fan who sounds like The Beatles. How about a Sex Pistols Fan who sounds like Willie Nelson?