Do relationships come naturally?

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zeldapsychology
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25 Apr 2010, 12:05 am

I've never been in one and while I've seen family do it (mom/dad) (sister/husband) I'm not sure how I'd handle a relationship or even how to behave in one?! It's so foreign to me!! !! Would I like hand holding? How would I handle a first kiss? Would I be ok with a kiss in the first place? How about hugging? ( I've had family hug/kiss and at times THAT HAS FELT ODD AND THAT'S FAMILY!!) (More so relatives I hadn't seen in forever I feel weird hugging them). I wish I could "test" out what a relationship is like with someone LOL!



Elementary_Physics
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25 Apr 2010, 12:10 am

I have issues with hugging and kissing family or friends, but when I did have a boyfriend the hugging and kissing was nice. I actually enjoyed it!!
Things like courtship were bad for me - Conversation and dating were terrible. But the physical stuff like kissing, and sex were so smooth and natural.
Non verbal stuff was easiest for me.



auntblabby
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25 Apr 2010, 12:59 am

i'd sure like to know what the cognitive/functional differences are between the socially successful aspies [those who manage to get mates without too much drama] versus the ones who are long-term singleton. what is their secret?



MrDiamondMind
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25 Apr 2010, 1:08 am

The only aspect on the whole intimacy spectrum that I'm qualified to answer comes naturally to me is flirting.



SamwiseGamgee
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25 Apr 2010, 1:13 am

I have no real life experience with relationships. The only happy relationships I've ever seen were on television or in movies. It's a completely foreign concept to me and I really don't know if it will ever happen or if I even want it to happen. And it's funny that you say you'd like to "test out a relationship" because I've thought the same thing before. I just don't know what it would be like and I wish there was a way to try it out and not have it be completely awkward.


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zeldapsychology
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25 Apr 2010, 1:15 am

SamwiseGamgee wrote:
I have no real life experience with relationships. The only happy relationships I've ever seen were on television or in movies. It's a completely foreign concept to me and I really don't know if it will ever happen or if I even want it to happen. And it's funny that you say you'd like to "test out a relationship" because I've thought the same thing before. I just don't know what it would be like and I wish there was a way to try it out and not have it be completely awkward.


Very well said. I have also seen relationships on shows/movies the rubbing/sexual stuff IMO ICK! Ya the try a relationship thing seems like a neat idea. :-)



auntblabby
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25 Apr 2010, 1:22 am

MrDiamondMind wrote:
The only aspect on the whole intimacy spectrum that I'm qualified to answer comes naturally to me is flirting.


hey, that is something.



GoatOnFire
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25 Apr 2010, 1:24 am

The human style relationship is a social construct.

This is the natural relationship: The Natural Relationship


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Chronos
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25 Apr 2010, 4:28 am

Honestly, despite being capable enough with daily social interactions to "pass" (after much work learning how to do so!), I've not mastered this thing you talk about.

I don't usually end up in situations which would give me the opportunity to "fall" into a relationship, and for all I know about relationship dynamics and how to have a healthy relationship, I still can't seem to initiate one.

My sister (who is completely NT and probably the most normal person I know) literally chose her husband off the street. She just saw a guy on the street she liked and ran up to him, started flirting with him and gave him her number and they turned out to get along great.

I imagine if I were to try that they guy would be thinking "There's some crazy chic after me. I should call the cops."

I did start talking to a guy at a bus stop once and I was very careful to make sure I was socially appropriate, and I did not imply any romantic interest, but still he was very eager to get on that bus and away from me I think.

I really don't know what it is that others have and I don't. I put a lot of effort in to trying to look as normal as possible but even when I'm standing there doing nothing, I repel NT's and I attract everyone else!

I could be in a room full of 100 people with one other person who has AS and that person will find me and start talking to me.

Odd how that works isn't it?



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25 Apr 2010, 6:14 am

zeldapsychology wrote:
I wish I could "test" out what a relationship is like with someone LOL!


That's exactly how you're supposed to do it. Test things out see what works for you. I think you and Samwise mean risk free testing, like you want a holodeck or something? That's not possible AFAIK. Learn as you go is the only way. Don't worry if you mess you your first few attempts (or first 50 hahaha).


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ursaminor
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25 Apr 2010, 10:40 am

GoatOnFire wrote:
The human style relationship is a social construct.

This is the natural relationship: The Natural Relationship
When I read this I was absolutely shocked that anybody actually cared how sexist animals are.
But then I found out it was the Onion.
Successful troll was successful!



Willard
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25 Apr 2010, 2:07 pm

SamwiseGamgee wrote:
I wish there was a way to try it out and not have it be completely awkward.



:lol: You can't try out a relationship without the awkwardness - that wouldn't even be a real fake relationship. Relationships are completely awkward.



sarek
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25 Apr 2010, 2:57 pm

I have been horribly awkward with girls all my life.

Until I met the one I truly love. And find that with her there is never a trace of any awkwardness at all.


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SamwiseGamgee
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25 Apr 2010, 2:59 pm

Willard wrote:
SamwiseGamgee wrote:
I wish there was a way to try it out and not have it be completely awkward.



:lol: You can't try out a relationship without the awkwardness - that wouldn't even be a real fake relationship. Relationships are completely awkward.


:lol: I know, that is my point. Which is why I said in my post that I'm not sure if I even want it to happen, because I can only take so much awkwardness before I just completely stop functioning.


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phil777
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25 Apr 2010, 4:18 pm

Well, family is that. You grow up your whole life with them, so of course it becomes awkward if they show too much affection (at least, when you're close to adulthood). That and, i never really liked hugging. <.< Too contact-sensitive.

I don't know if it still occurs in this day and age but there used to be something called "compèrage" (in french, obviously ^^ ) , basicly, you are paired with another person, it can be either male or female. You are "forbidden" to have any sexual relationships with that person. But you do quite a bit of socializing together. It used to be more common in christianity, don't know if it still exists today (i think it does in some parts of Europe). Sometimes there's even a blood-oath. Some of those people can live their whole life knowing each other, kinda like a "best friend".