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MuayThaiKid
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26 Apr 2010, 9:43 pm

ok so basically, in some group situations, as long as the topics are general i can come off as normal for long periods of time.
in fact, people think I'm witty and funny.
but have any of you noticed someone in a group who everyone likes,but that person is really an a** and your the only one who notices?
well i notice, and in fact, I'm getting fed up with it and I'm about to call him out n make him look stupid.

my situation is,
this kid like feeds off the energy of everyone else in the room. and when I say something funny or people give me more attention, he try's to take cheap stabs at me. but none of my friends can see this.
for example: the other day, everything about me was normal, except due to anxiety my leg was a little bouncy.
he looked at me and laughed, then said " You guys ever laugh at something, and feel like you shouldn't be laughing"
then when everyone was like wtf r u talking about, he made an example. he goes you know... like when you see a retarded kid and you just kinda laugh. and he kept making examples, and his body posture was directed at me, so i kept getting the group to change topic and have fun, and the more i did, the more he got mad.
i could go on, but its getting lengthy.

so my question, any advice on what I should do?/do any of you know any NT's like this?



CockneyRebel
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26 Apr 2010, 10:12 pm

I knew a lot of NTs like that, and they did the same things to me, that they're doing to you, now. I was the butt of everybody's jokes, my entire life.


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MuayThaiKid
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26 Apr 2010, 10:23 pm

me too. the thing is though none of my friends pick on me. in fact, if someone says I'm stupid, they quickly defend by saying things like " nick is the smartest one outta our group" , because they have had the deep talks with me.

but yea, being the butt of peoples jokes is never any fun.I know where your coming from, I got picked on a lot in high school. but never bullied since soft more yr, when someone got in my personal space and I had a meltdown n checked him into the wall.

but what bothers me, is that everyone says these people are 'NICE' and yet they try and start crap with me, just because I can get more attention and laughs if I want it. Its like they don't realize that they are getting jealous over the kid with social dyslexia.



MuayThaiKid
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26 Apr 2010, 10:46 pm

Really, a social network full of complex thinkers, and nobody has any advice?



Kaymat
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26 Apr 2010, 11:17 pm

In college, many of my friends were socially awkward (not in the same sense as me, though) but they still weren't socially aware, so I never had to deal with people like these, but this was a huge problem at my most recent job. There were a few people, in particular, who were considered the be-all, end-all workers and were adored by everyone in the office. I guess this can be attributed to the social rules that govern most NTs but obviously it's not something I could pick up on. This led to me being treated fine by most people in the office but completely shunned by those two or three people who fell into this category. They showed me little to no respect and made me feel as though I was unwelcome my whole time there. I was always polite and showed them the utmost courtesy but it's like there was a target painted on my chest, and nothing I did was ever good enough for them.

Anyway, I'm sure there was some social niceties I should have engaged in, with regards to my exchanges with them, but it's nothing I could ask or have cleared up since they weren't the brightest people so I doubt they were self-aware enough to give me any useful answers. I just sucked it up and tried to deal with it, but it gave me an untold amount of stress. I wish I understood people like that, since they're the ones who give me the most problems in life, but there's no rulebook for dealing with NTs....*sigh*



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26 Apr 2010, 11:19 pm

Your friends probably do feel something is off with him too. They just cant put their finger on it. That is often the case. They say he's "nice" because they really don't know any different yet. Give it a little time and he will show his ass. You don't need to do anything, Your friends sound loyal and I doubt he will be able to keep this up for long. Don't do anything to make yourself look bad - let him act like a jerk and show them what he is made of for real.



MuayThaiKid
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26 Apr 2010, 11:31 pm

you would think that'd be the case, but they have known him since middleschool. I am a very observant person, i can watch magic tricks and usually figure them out pretty fast. same with people, i don't pick up on everything, but i notice, every single one of their insecurities,and usually memorize their speech patterns, and behavior patterns . and 90% of the time I don't say anything. but if iIget called out, like how he was trying to insinuate that I am somehow retarded... well then I shoot back, and call them out on all their crap all at once, to a point where they have nothing to say,get mad and leave.

But as I'm getting older, I'm finding people see me as an a** for doing that.
haven't done that out of respect for my friends, but some day's I really want to fight this kid



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26 Apr 2010, 11:33 pm

LOL, patience, friend Nick. We are not all so quick to respond sometimes. I generally take at least 30 mins just to compose a post so one hour isn't giving me much time :) Also, the title made me wonder if this was an anti-NT post (I can see it clearly isn't now) which may be off-putting to some.

In this situation I have always found it best to try to get to know the problem person. It makes it a little easier in that he is part of your social circle so that you can feel less awkward about bringing something up. Depending on your tastes you might land him with "Hey, I'm going down to play some vids after school, do you want to come along?" If the gatherings are more on the college/beer drinking level try to make it a point to sit right next to him so you can ask him about himself. People like nothing more to tell you about themselves and if you find him interesting it will help his attitude towards you. Find something he owns or does that is interesting to you and ask him about it. "Hey, is that your Mustang? What year is it?"

I strongly recommend against calling him out, especially in front of the group and double-especially if he is popular with the other members. Something is probably making you seem like a threat to him on some level. Perhaps a female member mentioned you were cute or maybe someone brought up that you were the smartest one. People can be jealous of these things. However, if he thinks you find him intelligent his opinion of you will improve. During conversation, look for something you can respect about him and give him a genuine compliment on it or admit a weakness (do both if you can). "You took X class? [mild expletive], I could never handle that". Be "real" and don't just make something up or lie. This guy must have SOME redeeming qualities or he wouldn't be popular at all.

If he is really so boorish for little reason, other group members might be thinking similarly about him but not want to say it. While you can find potential defenders there, I would recommend that you don't go the route of marshalling these people against him. These kinds of allies have a way of disappearing during the Showdown at the OK Corral.

If all else fails, you can also approach with the "weakness" route. Mention how you see him as a popular figure directly!! ! Ask how he does it. Bring up that you've always been "book smart" and "people stupid". He may actually be intimidated by your intellect!

These are the strategies I've used with success in these kinds of situations. I think this is why the small number of friends I had in school were all 6' and built :lol:


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26 Apr 2010, 11:39 pm

Quote:
If he is really so boorish for little reason, other group members might be thinking similarly about him but not want to say it. While you can find potential defenders there, I would recommend that you don't go the route of marshalling these people against him. These kinds of allies have a way of disappearing during the Showdown at the OK Corral.


It is so true, LOL- I had this happen at work, OMG!! ! I like this analogy a lot.



MuayThaiKid
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26 Apr 2010, 11:47 pm

Thank you Vipera Aspis that is some very good advice. not trying to be a downer, but I used to think he was cool, and try to be nice, or do what was expected, when our groups hung out together.(groups, used to be one, he switched schools=now 2 groups)
I have really tried to be nice to him, and never attack him. He and one of my friends used to both be into clubbing. He would talk about it, and since i knew him for a long time, he would be like blah blah blah I'm going clubbing next weekend, as if asking if anyone wanted to go. my friend gomez would always be like yeh dude hit me up, n i would say things like "yeah for sure I'm down" keep in mind, we were at my house when he said it. well sure enough they always went without me, because he always found an excuse to not pick me up.

Honestly I think he may be one of those Pride type of people. everyone likes them, except the one who figures them out, and they know that person figured them out, so they try to make them look bad so they aren't exposed.

only thing is, Idk how he knows i figured him out, if that's the case.



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27 Apr 2010, 2:22 am

I think ViperaAspis gives good advice. NT's seem to gravitate to those who are charming (used as a verb - not an adjective). Sociopathic personalities are able to pull this off with ease. Many of us use the same techniques to fit in socially. We don't have any natural instincts when it comes to body or eye language and have to learn these things academically. We also have to learn conversational tactics academically as well. Sociopaths learn some of these things much the same way. They use these tactics to manipulate people into doing their bidding. This explains why we have such a screwed up and corrupt government. We have a group of sociopaths who use social instincts of the NT population to manipulate them into doing things (like voting for them). Sociopaths who use charming techniques to take control of a group tend to see us who use learned social skills as a threat. This guy has control of the group think and is trying to eliminate you as a threat. Continue to be nice to him and and do what you are doing. As long as the group likes you, it will bug him to no end.


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27 Apr 2010, 2:28 am

Well in my group of friends it's ok to call someone retarded if it's not true or some such bulls***. I don't like it, even if it's not directed at me.
But I have met the type of person you're talking about. I don't like extraverts to begin with but people like that deserve a nice hard slap.


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27 Apr 2010, 2:31 am

cyberscan wrote:
I think ViperaAspis gives good advice. NT's seem to gravitate to those who are charming (used as a verb - not an adjective). Sociopathic personalities are able to pull this off with ease. Many of us use the same techniques to fit in socially. We don't have any natural instincts when it comes to body or eye language and have to learn these things academically. We also have to learn conversational tactics academically as well. Sociopaths learn some of these things much the same way. They use these tactics to manipulate people into doing their bidding. This explains why we have such a screwed up and corrupt government. We have a group of sociopaths who use social instincts of the NT population to manipulate them into doing things (like voting for them). Sociopaths who use charming techniques to take control of a group tend to see us who use learned social skills as a threat. This guy has control of the group think and is trying to eliminate you as a threat. Continue to be nice to him and and do what you are doing. As long as the group likes you, it will bug him to no end.


all that is true about sociopaths

lack of loyalty sucks but NT people don't value it the way I do. I have to have it or there is no friendship. i don't know what they base it on. If they don't have my back they are not my friend, that's it. I don't know what their friendships are based on.



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27 Apr 2010, 3:06 am

I'd call him out on it, and casually suggest that he may wish to speak with a psychiatrist about his sociopathic tendencies, as they could be a sign of severe psychological dysfunction, but if he feels the need to direct them towards me, he should cease this activity before I deem it an aggressive one, and rectify the situation.

Keep in mind though, I have been practicing kung fu for nearly 20 years, and this would most likely result in me making a fool of him after he tried to start a fight. Usually I get that out of the way when I move to a new neighborhood, and demonstrate that I'm not a good target.

Your methods may vary.



MuayThaiKid
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27 Apr 2010, 3:32 am

pensieve wrote:
I don't like extroverts to begin with but people like that deserve a nice hard slap.


yes, they do, maybe even a lil public humiliation.
I see myself as an Extroverted introvert. I only try to meet new people if I need or want to.
and to JustMax , lol you made me laugh. that's tight , the kung fu, what style do you study?
My martial art of choice is in my screen name. Fortunately i think he is scared of me, because the other night, he tried filming me and some friends whilst doing some harmless ,yet illegal activity, and I had a rather threatening verbal confrontation towards him... He stopped his fake smile, and got quiet for a min, before trying to joke it off with me. But i just gave him what we are all famous for, that psycho stare down before a meltdown. its what i like to call, " the calm of the storm" it has gotten me out of fights too.



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27 Apr 2010, 3:52 am

Basically JKD, took Bruce's principles to heart, began training so I could defeat my dad (nutjob ex-marine who spent 20 years framing houses) to make him pay for the years of abusing my mom. He killed himself, so I lost the need to get a quick kill (I've seen him fight, not the type you want to let get their hands on you for long), and began training for the enjoyment of exploring my physical capabilities.

Used to run around the woods of Kentucky barefoot, punch trees, developed a version of the flying knee, fun stuff, being young and physically powerful.

I've got my dad's "crazy stare", and yeah, it gets the "you're going to die screaming if you don't run away" impression across. Last time I used it was while picking up a kid my girlfriend watched after school, was crossing the street, and the coach (big guy, 6'+, maybe 200 lbs) bellows at me "YOU USE THE CROSSWALK!", told him "don't talk to me"... but had there not been four or five kids and a few women around, I was about to charge the 20 or so feet between us and land kneefirst on his chest, then beat him til he begged me to stop hurting him.

As it was, when he grabbed EJ by the shoulder, trying to hold him back so he could pull a power play on me, I gave him the look of death, and growled "let go of the child", he just stood there shocked and did, started to come up behind me as we walked off, gave him another "do you really want to die here" look.

Don't think he's used to being confronted, especially not by crazy little (I'm 5'9" 160~ lbs) dudes.


While he normally barked orders at the parents picking kids up, he never so much as made eye contact with me again.