finding a partner for school work

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I started a multimedia class today at university. It looks interesting, we're studying how multimedia affects us as humans. We have make a webpage for our first assignment, which I like doing so I have no problems with that part of it. The problem I have is that we're supposed to do it in pairs. I don't know anyone in the class.

I was reminded of how I don't seem to be NT though. I was sitting next to a girl. She said "hi" to the girl sitting behind her. I figured they knew each other. Turns out they didn't - they introduced themselves to each other and chatted small talk about where they came from. A little later on in the class we were supposed to discuss something in groups ("turn to your neighbour" the teacher said,) and these two girls got together to discuss and I was left to find my own group. The students I did find to discuss with discussed for a moment and then broke into small talk.

It made me feel socially backward. I can't just strike up a small talk conversation with my neighbouring classmate and make a new friend to have someone to work with on my assignment. I wish I could just do the assignment alone. I could go to the teacher and explain AS and ask if I can work alone but I'm not formally diagnosed with AS so they probably won't make that accommodation for me. I'm not sure what to do.

I'd just go up to some random group, introduce yourself & ask if you can join them or look for someone else who is left out.

Or, if you're too shy to go to a group, go to the teacher and he/she will put you in a group.

We're supposed to do it in pairs, and there's no time in class to pause and figure out who isn't in a pair. I didn't see anyone else who seemed to be sitting alone. I couldn't tell. The teacher said something about maybe adding a message board for our class so if that happens by next Tuesday (when we're supposed to let him know of our pairs) I'll find someone by posting on the message board.

A girl in the tutorial before me was asking the TA if she could work alone. The TA said she'd bring it up with the teacher. I'm going to ask to work alone as well, and hope that he gives me the ok. If I'm working alone, I'm going to do my project on assistive speech devices for non-verbal persons, like AAC devices. If I'm working with a partner, I'll try and talk my partner into this topic.

Usually there isn't anyone I know or the people I know are already in full groups so I just get stuck with who ever else is alone.

I wanted to reply to this for a long time, but I'm afraid that I might come across as too selfish. I admit that I don't understand anything about introversion, partly because it baffles me why introverts often have something interesting to say but don't end up saying it.

I don't know whether you were always that way, or whether you became more shy/withdrawn after you've found about Asperger's. While I don't understand how other people think, especially those who don't communicate with others too often, I imagine that it's because you don't feel the need to say anything, because that's the only time when I become quiet. It seems, though, like you're holding yourself back to some extent. Knowing about your AS can be useful for you to discover more about yourself and about how you think. However, don't focus on the weaknesses. Stop obsessing about how other people might perceive you. Because most of the time, when you think that other people care, they don't. In case you haven't read this book, How To Win Friends and Influence People is a very helpful and informative book from which you can learn a lot about how other people think.

This may seem off topic, but my point is: Don't be afraid to talk to new people. You're now armed with the knowledge of AS, and I encourage you to continue exploring it. Your knowledge of AS will help you explain yourself to other people in case there is a misunderstanding. I've become much more confident that way, because before I've read more about AS, I had no idea how to explain myself. I tried to learn about myself through other people, but it didn't work, so I also became very shy and withdrawn.

But say you are sitting in a lecture hall. And you might be thinking about your special interest, but you won't be thinking about it for the whole time. You will probably have some questions come up in your mind at one point or another. So why not ask the person beside you? If you do, there's a good chance that you will strike up a conversation with them. Sure, your way of communicating might be different, but that doesn't automatically render you inferior to the two people you described who were chatting away happily beside you. Some people say that people with Asperger's don't so much have a social deficit, but rather a different way of communicating. And from my experience, I'm confident that there are at least some people out there who can appreciate a more straightforward, logical, subject oriented way of communicating. NTs do it, too, but it isn't natural to them.

MathGirl: I'm not sure about the OP, but I was pretty much bullied into introversion. I think most people with AS were either bullied into introversion, or bullied into deeper introversion.

I was bullied into introversion for a period of time. However, I then eventually have come to accept the fact that I have AS and that I'm never going to change who I am. If people around me have trouble accepting me for the way I am, then they have problems. Learning that there is a whole lot of people out there who have the same problems as me made me realize that it's okay to be different. And I've been told the opposite for my entire life.

I think I was an introvert by nature to start off with.

When I was really young I didn't care that I was different. I was happy in my world and didn't change who I was to fit others' ideas. But as time went on through school I'm sure I was bullied into introversion. I guess that means that I can still uncover that old self who didn't mind so much. Since I've found out about AS I feel like I've accepted certain things about myself more, but you're right, MathGirl, that I'm focusing on the negatives too much, and how other people would see me.

I know I don't speak up in conversations often but I still don't know if I really have nothing to say or if I'm unconsciously holding myself back. This lessens a tiny bit once I know the people I'm talking to, so I'm thinking I'm probably holding myself back. I think when I was a kid I was invalidated so often that I trained myself to suppress my opinion. I need to do some untraining and figure out what I want to say, and I guess the only way is to talk. The worst that can happen is that people won't like what I have to say but that doesn't mean I have no right say it.

Besides, working in pairs won't be so bad. I hope the teacher will help match up the people with no partners on Tuesday because that's the only way I'm going to figure out who doesn't have a partner yet.

Thanks for the help.

Joining a group, finidng a partner was always hell for me. The teacher had to either add me onto another group of two because I was left out or I had to wait and find someone else who didn't.

It was so embarassing.

And just to add something to this, there's always going to be someone who disagrees with you. ALWAYS. However, that does not mean that your opinion is worthless. Philosophy is a subject that is entirely based on speculative thought. So be a philosopher. Respect others' opinions, but have confidence in your own opinions, as well. Your opinions may not change the world, but you may certainly influence the people around you. Besides, someone may seemingly disagree with you, but later they may realize that they, in fact, agree with what you have to say. People need time to absorb new and different ideas.

One thing that I learned after my first couple semesters of college/university is that while classrooms might seem like a very intimidating social situation at first, it's actually one of the better ways to meet people. Think of it this way: you already have at least one thing in common with all the other people in the room in that you're all taking the same class. That means that if you want to talk but can't think of anything to say, you can always fall back on talking about the subject matter of the class, or about how tough (or easy) a homework assignment was, or that weird thing the teacher said/did, etc.

Group work was a nightmare for me in high school, but with this mindset I've managed to make it a little easier on myself in college. Pairs are a little trickier, but there's no shame in looking around to see who else is alone and asking them if they would like to team up. AS doesn't mean you can't be brave or bold. The nice thing about working in pairs is that you can get to know your partner, and potentially get an ally or even a friend out of it. But if you feel that you would do better on the assignment if you work alone, then by all means approach the teacher and ask.