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Asperger Syndrome & secretly desire affection

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ColdEyesWarmHeart
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29 Nov 2012, 5:16 am

I don't like touch from strangers or people I'm not that close to. If I'm dating someone it'll take me a couple of dates just to be able to hold their hand. But once I've found my comfort zone with them, I go from no physical contact to being very cuddly.

I went to a fairground recently and one of the stands had 3ft long cuddly toy bananas as prizes. I tried to win one because I thought that would be so nice to sleep with, I could spoon it! I didn't succeed though. :(



Kairi96
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29 Nov 2012, 7:17 am

It depends. I like hugs and kisses only if they come from my parents, and I can sometimes hug and kiss them, too. But I don't like it from other people, even if they're my friends or people that I find nice; in fact, the biggest problem I have with people I would like to be friend with is that I don't look affactionate at all, and I look rather feeling-less, so those persons have often told me: "Do you think I'm obnoxious?", when it was exactly the opposite.


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jetbuilder
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29 Nov 2012, 8:12 am

I don't mind hugs from people I'm close to. I love hugs from my best friend (she hugs me very tightly) who I also like to cuddle with :)
When it comes to people I just met though, I don't even like to shake hands.


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AlmaBrown
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29 Nov 2012, 4:24 pm

I suppose I don't mind it. Sometimes. It might be because I'm too sensitive? People touching me just makes my skin crawl... If I initiate it, it's okay though (in fact I typically enjoy it). My family yells at me for this a lot because I'll go up and hug them but they can't do the same to me... :(



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29 Nov 2012, 6:03 pm

I don't like being touched or hugged by people I am not close to or don't know well, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I would rather just be treated with kindness and respect.



Cjless
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29 Nov 2012, 6:30 pm

Hi Nick007,

I am new to the forums, and not yet diagnosed.
I completely understand what you are experiencing. I don't like being touched at all, not by my work colleges, not even my own parents. When they hug me or wrap an arm over my shoulder i cringe and do my best to move away and inform the person that I just don't appreciate being touched.

Ultimately I too share this desire that is very constant in the back of my mind that I do want to be touched by only the person I and engaged in a relationship with. A desire that I always want to be cuddled and pampered, yet to the point where its obsessive.



Ofaelan
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29 Nov 2012, 9:50 pm

[quote="LipstickKiller"
I guess when you have children and when you fall in love you experience hormone rushes that give you a biological boost that helps you act more "natural" and less calculated, even if you're autistic...[/quote]

Now we know (maybe): Oxytocin!



MikeW999
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29 Nov 2012, 9:52 pm

nick007 wrote:
I think most people with AS do not like affection or being touched & most people who know me offline would say I'm anti-touch & anti-affection. Thing is I secretly have a very strong desire for affection but only from someone who I would feel very close & comfortable with. I also think I would sleep much better if I was with someone but I'm NOT close or comfortable with anyone & I think that the only way I could ever get to that point would be if I was in a serious romantic relationship with someone. I spend quite a lot of time thinking about this & it seems kind of like some fantasy obsession for me. I'm wondering if I wer to meet someone & feel close comfortable with her; would I actually like the hugging, cuddling, kissing, massaging ect that I fantasize about or is this an obsession that I would not enjoy :?


Same here. I had plenty of opportunites for sex in HS, I was just so embarrassed and did not understand how to go about it, I would have felt so weird being one - on - one naked with some girl. I was probably one of the most horny teens too, but I actually turned down sex many times. I don't get myself either.



ColdEyesWarmHeart
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30 Nov 2012, 8:26 am

MikeW999 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I think most people with AS do not like affection or being touched & most people who know me offline would say I'm anti-touch & anti-affection. Thing is I secretly have a very strong desire for affection but only from someone who I would feel very close & comfortable with. I also think I would sleep much better if I was with someone but I'm NOT close or comfortable with anyone & I think that the only way I could ever get to that point would be if I was in a serious romantic relationship with someone. I spend quite a lot of time thinking about this & it seems kind of like some fantasy obsession for me. I'm wondering if I wer to meet someone & feel close comfortable with her; would I actually like the hugging, cuddling, kissing, massaging ect that I fantasize about or is this an obsession that I would not enjoy :?


Same here. I had plenty of opportunites for sex in HS, I was just so embarrassed and did not understand how to go about it, I would have felt so weird being one - on - one naked with some girl. I was probably one of the most horny teens too, but I actually turned down sex many times. I don't get myself either.


That reminds me of something I read many years ago. It said that often people with the highest sex drives have their first time much later than average because they value sex highly and want the experience to feel right for them, rather than the usual getting virginity out of the way mentality.

I've no idea how much scientific fact is in there or if it is one person's opinion, but it does make sense to me on some level.



MikeW999
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30 Nov 2012, 9:48 am

ColdEyesWarmHeart wrote:
MikeW999 wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I think most people with AS do not like affection or being touched & most people who know me offline would say I'm anti-touch & anti-affection. Thing is I secretly have a very strong desire for affection but only from someone who I would feel very close & comfortable with. I also think I would sleep much better if I was with someone but I'm NOT close or comfortable with anyone & I think that the only way I could ever get to that point would be if I was in a serious romantic relationship with someone. I spend quite a lot of time thinking about this & it seems kind of like some fantasy obsession for me. I'm wondering if I wer to meet someone & feel close comfortable with her; would I actually like the hugging, cuddling, kissing, massaging ect that I fantasize about or is this an obsession that I would not enjoy :?


Same here. I had plenty of opportunites for sex in HS, I was just so embarrassed and did not understand how to go about it, I would have felt so weird being one - on - one naked with some girl. I was probably one of the most horny teens too, but I actually turned down sex many times. I don't get myself either.


That reminds me of something I read many years ago. It said that often people with the highest sex drives have their first time much later than average because they value sex highly and want the experience to feel right for them, rather than the usual getting virginity out of the way mentality.

I've no idea how much scientific fact is in there or if it is one person's opinion, but it does make sense to me on some level.


That very well could be true... Especially when you add in the Aspergers..



StevieC
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18 Nov 2013, 11:55 am

IdahoRose wrote:
On the contrary, I love being affectionate with other people, especially hugging, cuddling and hand-holding. I used to have a strong urge to hug and cuddle when I was a child, which people found cute until I hit puberty. Then all of a sudden they started getting weirded out, and I had to train myself not to be so affectionate. Now I don't show affection unless the other person makes it clear they want it from me.


this. except i think i may have accidentally rewired myself to not like hugs as much somehow...


i do love spooning tho :D


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