Page 2 of 2 [ 25 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2


In your unofficial non-professional opinion, would you guess I belong here?
Sounds like Asperger's. 45%  45%  [ 5 ]
You sound like an A-hole. 18%  18%  [ 2 ]
You sound like an A-hole with Asperger's 36%  36%  [ 4 ]
Total votes : 11

AspieForty
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2010
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 568
Location: North Carolina, USA

13 May 2010, 9:15 pm

Xenu wrote:
I don't really give a sh** if you were kidding it is not funny and incredibly offensive to us aspies. And saying that I do not care if you have it or not I think you are an as*hole (you asked us do you think you have it or are you an as*hole and I just responded)


I can't speak for the person who posted. If he seriously believes he has Aspergers, he should seek out a professional Autism specialist and diagnosis. If he is not Aspergers (I can not tell), then that doctor can assess for other problems...

I don't think a lot of people realize it, but there is a very real growing epidemic of people claiming they're Asperger Syndrome... because they're just rude. Self-diagnosed jerks, and maybe seen Albert Einstein or Bill Gates with the label, so therefore it seems da mode thing to do.

Here's one further, and I noticed the difference between "A LACK OF EMPATHY," vs. "a mild form of Autism that comes with what seems to be a biological inability to show empathy for other human beings, as well as (and maybe stemming from) an inability to recognize nonverbal cues."

That does not imply "empathy" is non-existent, merely Aspies have difficulty showing the very real and present empathy, that is within themself, fully intact and functional.

But comparing bullying and internet trolls and the like, to Aspergers Syndrome??
:? :?

More myths to further corrupt people's understanding of what Aspergers Syndrome really is.

Quote:
"Internet Asperger's Syndrome" and "Austistic economics"
July 6, 2009 @ 9:04 am
Filed by Mark Liberman under Language change
http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=1559

And he says that he's come to "recognize a new disorder, the underlying cause of Harris' Law", Internet Asperger's Syndrome, which "affects people when their communication moves to digital", causing them to "[stop] seeing the humanity in other people", and to behave in other ways that (in his view) parallel the symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome.

The term Internet Asperger's Syndrome was recently picked up by Jonathan Kimak in a humorous piece for Cracked ("6 New Personality Disorders Caused by the Internet", 6/30/2009). Kimak writes (inaccurately) that Asperger's Syndrome is a
Quote:
… rarely diagnosed but often claimed disorder is a mild form of Autism that comes with what seems to be a biological inability to show empathy for other human beings, as well as (and maybe stemming from) an inability to recognize nonverbal cues. They continually do weird, upsetting things because they don't know it's upsetting you. That part of their brain is broken.

People cringe when they hear this term because they know that a large number of the teenagers claiming Asperger's are, in fact, merely dicks.
He agrees with Calacanis's diagnosis:
Quote:
Calacanis figured out that people who do all of their communicating online wind up mimicking Asperger's behaviors because they are imposing the same disadvantages on themselves. In both cases, when the ability to see nonverbal responses and facial expressions goes away, so does empathy. Soon the thing you're communicating with isn't a person, they're just a bunch of words on a screen. A bunch of words that the little bastard didn't even bother to spellcheck.


Thus Kimak ends up connecting Asperger's Syndrome with various forms of internet-mediated mob cruelty — his characteristic examples are things like "A kid commits suicide on webcam while the trolls cheer him on … Normal kids, … but get them in a chat room and suddenly it reads like the transcript to a Charles Manson parole hearing"

Ironically, it takes a certain lack of empathy to see Charles Manson's sociopathic crimes as having any similarity at all with the social awkwardness and focused, "systematizing" interests of Asperger's people. And spontaneous adolescent mob cruelty, internet-mediated or not, strikes me as having little to do with either one.

In this case, Calacanis and Kimak make the the connection between chat-room meanness and Asperger's because of the idea that the lack of non-verbal cues leads to the depersonalization of victims. But the kind of mobbing gossip that they describe — as familiar from school cafeterias as from web forums — is way outside the spectrum of Asperger's behaviors, from everything I've seen and read. And charismatic sociopaths like Manson are especially skilled in exactly the sorts of communicative manipulation that Aspies have problems with.

Read the entire article : http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=1559


_________________
3/3 children diagnosed Asperger/PDD-NOS(2009-2010)
http://autism.about.com/od/whatisautism/f/
Aspie+PTSD http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt125554.html don't/won't dwell on it
"Chaos, Panic, Pandemonium, My Work Here Is Done."


Last edited by AspieForty on 13 May 2010, 9:47 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Tinman
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 11 May 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 33
Location: Los Angeles

13 May 2010, 9:18 pm

Xenu wrote:
I don't really give a sh** if you were kidding it is not funny and incredibly offensive to us aspies. And saying that I do not care if you have it or not I think you are an as*hole (you asked us do you think you have it or are you an as*hole and I just responded)


Xenu,

Thank you for your heart felt response and warm welcome.
As I am just learning about the condition, can you please be more specific as to which part you Aspies find offensive.

I accept your vote for A-hole, and can't say that you are the first to feel that way.
The main reason I posted here was to find out just how much of my assholiness could be attributed to the Asperger's.

Seemed like I had found a place where people weren't gonna be so sensitive and I would not need to hold back my first thought and replace it with something more acceptable in order to make others more comfortable.


_________________
^ this post is completely idiotic, don't read it ^


AspieForty
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2010
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 568
Location: North Carolina, USA

13 May 2010, 9:32 pm

Tinman wrote:
I accept your vote for A-hole, and can't say that you are the first to feel that way. The main reason I posted here was to find out just how much of my assholiness could be attributed to the Asperger's.

Seemed like I had found a place where people weren't gonna be so sensitive...


Wrong place for "non-sensitive" people. :wink:
Aspergers people are very sensitive people, they simply have trouble expressing those very real feelings.

There's a lot of hardline myths floating around in society, on the web... and straight into the medical offices... that "Aspergers people lack human empathy". The inability to express the empathy that is locked up inside us, is not a lack of empathy.

That kind of misinformation is leading to misdiagnosis or failure to diagnose people with Aspergers Syndrome. Misinformation of that nature, leads to vicious stereotypes and prejudice.

Its not any fun when a potential date asks you, "Wikipedia says people with Aspergers have no human empathy." That's equating Aspies with Son of Sam, Ted Bundy and Adolf Hitler.

It sounded to me, in your first post like as if you're having an inner-struggle with things.. and feel its selfish, you have a baby now and fear your wife will leave... instead of being an ***hole you're really beating yourself up, enough self-criticism to wonder if you're just an ***hole, or if its a very real condition like Aspergers that could be causing your doubts/fears/relationship issues.

I might be wrong about your motives, but that's the way I read it.


_________________
3/3 children diagnosed Asperger/PDD-NOS(2009-2010)
http://autism.about.com/od/whatisautism/f/
Aspie+PTSD http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt125554.html don't/won't dwell on it
"Chaos, Panic, Pandemonium, My Work Here Is Done."


Tinman
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 11 May 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 33
Location: Los Angeles

13 May 2010, 10:50 pm

AspieForty wrote:
It sounded to me, in your first post like as if you're having an inner-struggle with things.. and feel its selfish, you have a baby now and fear your wife will leave... instead of being an ***hole you're really beating yourself up, enough self-criticism to wonder if you're just an ***hole, or if its a very real condition like Aspergers that could be causing your doubts/fears/relationship issues.

I might be wrong about your motives, but that's the way I read it.


You've pretty much nailed it.
Now how do I fix it without having to talk to anyone else about it?

In my head I can think of things to say that might help, and have made plans to talk about my feelings. I've made these plans many times over the past year but would rather be doing anything but having that conversation, and when the time seems like it should be right... nothing comes out.

I know something is wrong.
But being asked 'what's wrong?' clams me up faster than anything else.
My mouth can not answer that question. Unless what was wrong was something easy like "I stepped on something sharp."

How long do you have to have a new baby before that seems like the new normal?
If I can survive til then, maybe everything will be fine.


_________________
^ this post is completely idiotic, don't read it ^


AspieForty
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2010
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 568
Location: North Carolina, USA

13 May 2010, 11:22 pm

Tinman wrote:
How long do you have to have a new baby before that seems like the new normal? If I can survive til then, maybe everything will be fine.


I think you're afraid... a baby has intruded on your space, and that's A LOT of change. But remember, you helped choose to make the baby, it was a mutual decision.
Quote:
was also out of reasons why it wasn't the time for a baby. I have felt like I am going crazy ever since she said she was pregnant. I had a feeling that she was going to want me to help out with some things that she has always done for us by herself

Yep, those good old days of freedom are gone now -- you've got a baby to raise ... you're 30+ ... embrace the growing pains. :lol:

BTW, I like your screen-name "Tinman" if you only had a heart, right? :wink:
Quote:
I think it's because I know she likes the baby more than me.
I have never said those things aloud and know that nobody should think that way but I can't help it, and I think she knows


No... she doesn't "like the baby more than you". Its like comparing apple to oranges, its her flesh and blood and maternal instinct. That's threatening, I'm sure. You're probably very clearly picking up on how she feels about her baby... the way you described it, she wanted a baby for years, and you didn't... you're sensing the maternal instinct.

Tigress Machli fights male tiger to protect her cubs !
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TABMdrMi9Go[/youtube]

Quote:
Paternal bond & paternal instinct
http://www.proactivechange.com/inspirat ... stinct.htm
/EXCERPT...
...there has always been at least some nurturing from fathers. And, in our day and age, more and more men are nurturing their children. When we talk about paternal instinct, it is to call attention to this dimension in the male psyche and behavior.
The emerging post-patriarchal culture is one that values cooperation. It's about finding ways to get complementary skills to work together. It's about allowing multiple viewpoints to coexist, instead of having one truth, one leader-of-the-pack.
/...
We can speculate endlessly about how this instinct came about. Whatever the reason… does it make it any less true that fathers are devoted to their children? Does it making any less true that nurturing children is an important and fulfilling aspect of being a man?
Is paternal instinct any less authentic, deep and powerful than maternal instinct?
This is a rhetorical question that aims at resonating with our conscious or unconscious biases. It asks of us: deep down, when it comes down to it, who do you believe makes a better parent, a mother or a father?
/...
The question of whether paternal instinct is any less powerful that maternal instinct is one that only makes sense within a patriarchal, all-or-nothing worldview.
What does this mean for fathers, at an individual level?
It is a reminder that we are losing something very real and very powerful when we feel intimidated by maternal instinct - and the implication that Mom Knows Best.
While we have to learn from mothers about parenting, we also have a lot to learn from listening more to our own nurturing side. We have a lot to gain from letting ourselves trust more and more our own instinctive and intuitive reactions as parents.
There is a wide open frontier out there, as we keep exploring being fathers from inside out.
http://www.proactivechange.com/inspirat ... stinct.htm

The article (mid-way) makes its best point with this:
Quote:
This is a rhetorical question that aims at resonating with our conscious or unconscious biases. It asks of us: deep down, when it comes down to it, who do you believe makes a better parent, a mother or a father?
This is actually a trick question. To answer it, we have to buy into its premise - that there is a better parent. Instead of recognizing that children need both parents.
But… isn't there something special about the mother?
Yes, and there is something special about the father, too.
Sounds like you've been feeling shut out in the cold. It shouldn't be that way.

Image

Changing perceptions of what defines "masculine"... that's difficult, too.


_________________
3/3 children diagnosed Asperger/PDD-NOS(2009-2010)
http://autism.about.com/od/whatisautism/f/
Aspie+PTSD http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt125554.html don't/won't dwell on it
"Chaos, Panic, Pandemonium, My Work Here Is Done."


Xenu
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2008
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,438

14 May 2010, 12:26 am

Tinman wrote:
Xenu wrote:
I don't really give a sh** if you were kidding it is not funny and incredibly offensive to us aspies. And saying that I do not care if you have it or not I think you are an as*hole (you asked us do you think you have it or are you an as*hole and I just responded)


Xenu,

Thank you for your heart felt response and warm welcome.
As I am just learning about the condition, can you please be more specific as to which part you Aspies find offensive.

I accept your vote for A-hole, and can't say that you are the first to feel that way.
The main reason I posted here was to find out just how much of my assholiness could be attributed to the Asperger's.

Seemed like I had found a place where people weren't gonna be so sensitive and I would not need to hold back my first thought and replace it with something more acceptable in order to make others more comfortable.


The "I think I caught it part"



AspieForty
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2010
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 568
Location: North Carolina, USA

14 May 2010, 12:35 am

Xenu wrote:
The "I think I caught it part"


You can't catch Aspergers Syndrome/Autism. He surely knows that, you know that. I'm positive, most people who are familiar with A.S. know this.

*** :roll: Then again, maybe you're both having playful stabs at each other... and being Aspergers, I wouldn't recognize the humor, and taking things too literal. :roll: ***

I understood his statement, as being a bit facetious... there are some morons who call Aspergers Syndrome a "disease" as if it were "contagious" and could be caught.

Quote:
fa·ce·tious   /fəˈsiʃəs/ Show Spelled[fuh-see-shuhs]
–adjective
1.not meant to be taken seriously or literally: a facetious remark.
2.amusing; humorous.
3.lacking serious intent; concerned with something nonessential, amusing, or frivolous: a facetious person.
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/facetious

Being facetious is when you say something you think is funny, but NOBODY laughs. So then you have to say "Oh, uh...I was being facetious". And everyone's like "Ooooh Kayyy... (What a jack***.)"
"An awkward silence fell over the group after his facetious remark about..."
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.p ... =facetious


I know in my experience, lacking good judgment on (first and foremost, my environment / the atmosphere)... and secondly not always the best judge of what's appropriate humor.. I have terribly offended people, due to simple lack of ability to properly read them and what they'd find amusing... and, offending them, was not my intention at all. I thought it was funny, and they were *OFFENDED* horribly. I felt awful after the fact.

I looked up Aspergers + off color humor, but the web didn't provide much information.
Quote:
Wrong Planet - Aspergers and Autism Community. ... we're very sensitive to... off-color humor(ha, I crack me up), etc. ...
http://www.wrongplanet.net/postxf81940- ... 65ff58b3a1


Most people who read the comment didn't seem to perceive the subject to be meant offensively or an attack on the Autism community.


_________________
3/3 children diagnosed Asperger/PDD-NOS(2009-2010)
http://autism.about.com/od/whatisautism/f/
Aspie+PTSD http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt125554.html don't/won't dwell on it
"Chaos, Panic, Pandemonium, My Work Here Is Done."


Xenu
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Dec 2008
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,438

14 May 2010, 1:10 am

AspieForty wrote:
Xenu wrote:
The "I think I caught it part"


You can't catch Aspergers Syndrome/Autism. He surely knows that, you know that. I'm positive, most people who are familiar with A.S. know this.

>I don't really give a sh** if you were kidding it is not funny and incredibly offensive to us aspies.
He had mentioned it was a joke and I was simply stating that as a joke it is not funny but also offensive.



AspieForty
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 4 Apr 2010
Age: 49
Gender: Female
Posts: 568
Location: North Carolina, USA

14 May 2010, 1:18 am

Quote:
Xenu wrote:
AspieForty wrote:
Xenu wrote:
The "I think I caught it part"


You can't catch Aspergers Syndrome/Autism. He surely knows that, you know that. I'm positive, most people who are familiar with A.S. know this.


>I don't really give a sh** if you were kidding it is not funny and incredibly offensive to us aspies.


He had mentioned it was a joke and I was simply stating that as a joke it is not funny but also offensive.


Try to be forgiving, and understand Aspies have a tendency toward Humor Faux Pas. He's new to the Community, and yes, from what I read of his posts, I believe he could be on the spectrum. At the least, I believe he's a genuinely concerned father and husband. The whole tone of the post was beating himself up, to even refer to himself as an ***hole and I gather feels he's being "selfish" and "unworthy" etc etc etc criticising himself.

Try to give the guy a break. :wink:
Sometimes I use facetious humor too, and if I offend anyone, my apologies too! If he's anything like I am, I'm sure he'll be more careful in the future, especially after you brought your deep offense to his attention.


_________________
3/3 children diagnosed Asperger/PDD-NOS(2009-2010)
http://autism.about.com/od/whatisautism/f/
Aspie+PTSD http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt125554.html don't/won't dwell on it
"Chaos, Panic, Pandemonium, My Work Here Is Done."


Moomoogelato
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 22 Sep 2008
Age: 28
Gender: Female
Posts: 106
Location: Portland, Oregon

14 May 2010, 6:30 am

Hi Tinman, welcome to Wrong Planet! I may be wrong about this as I am not a doctor, but I believe it is quite possible you have AS. I imagine you probably do feel things, very deeply-- or you did at one point, until you became depressed (a very common symptom of depression which I myself often experience is a "blank" or "empty" feeling emotion-wise). Your thoughts about not caring if you end up seeing anyone you know ever again I believe is quite possibly also tied into depression and most likely anxiety related to social phobia, but once again, do not take my word as medical advice, I am not a doctor.

In case you are curious about my diagnosis, I am very likely NLD (Nonverbal Learning Disorder). I was tested for it at a time when not much was known about it, and the woman testing me was more concerned about my "convulsions" which we now know (NO THANKS TO HER) is Tourette's Syndrome (word of advice, if you want a diagnosis about a certain medical condition, when filling out forms and talking to the specialist you are seeing [b]only check the boxes that you feel are possibly related to the condition you want to be seen about[b] as they pertain to you. For example, if you want to be tested for AS, don't check the box that asks if you have bloody stool, even if you do have it... though I would recommend being seen by another specialist if you have bloody stool. ;]) I am considering being retested now, as my verbal IQ and my performance IQ had the classic, large NLD "gap" which this woman completely ignored... anyway, enough about me. :]

From a less generic standpoint, your social phobias are highly understandable. Chances are if you are an Aspie you were always the odd one out, and it didn't make sense to you why because in your own words, "every [other] boy in the third grade had ADD," so you were probably wondering much like many of us who are/were undiagnosed, "what's my excuse?" I think you sound very interesting, your first post really grabbed me when you started talking about your son. I am a woman, and I was really moved about how you feel your wife is being stolen away by the baby. I went to bed last night thinking about your post and texted my boyfriend (who has a very strong likelihood of having AS) telling him I am worried I would be much the same way if we ever had kids. You really got my gears turning, that's for sure. :]

I am very possessive of my boyfriend. I get freaked out at the thought of him enjoying being with someone else other than me, even if he enjoys being with them less than he enjoys being with me (which I on some level recognize as being irrational). I have a constant fear of someone new coming into his life, because he may end up realizing what a pile of s*** I am, and thinking "Hey! This person is WAY better than my girlfriend who I have been dating for a year and a half and have told repeatedly that I have no intention of leaving for someone else!" I think you probably see your kid much the way I see other people, especially women, in terms of my boyfriend.

I can't really offer you any advice, all I can say is I really value the point of view about your kid, and that I would love to chat it up a little through PM-- as you feel comfortable, of course.

~Katie


_________________
Moo!