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Dizzeh
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16 May 2010, 3:31 am

Hello WrongPlanet community, this is my first post after lurking for a month. I am not diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome currently (I have an evaluation with a psychologist on the 24th though) but I'm having some problems with direction in my life. Throughout childhood and my teens I usually had a interest that just consumed all of my thoughts and time (collecting and studying insects from age 3-7, Legos from 7-9, reptiles 9-13, sketching 13-19, various computer games from 19 to near present (26).)

The problem is that about 3 months ago I just lost all interest in anything and spiraled into a depression, attempted suicide and quit my job in IT. I have been in limbo from the past few months trying to figure out what to do; I started seeing a psychiatrist to proscribe me an SSRI to try and stave of the depression while I just sort of hold on. I also began speaking with a social worker and she told me that I've probably lived with Asperger's my whole life and just never knew it. Right now I am trying a 2nd SSRI after the first had no effect after 2 months use.

Is this a normal occurrence to lose complete interest in what you loved and become depressed?

I don't remember too much about losing interest in my past other than losing the fun I had sketching, but that one just tore me up and I hit a similar depression. I just wish I knew what it was that sparked the new special interest that helped get me out of that depression so I can try getting on with life. :(

Thanks in advance for any help or input anyone can provide me.



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16 May 2010, 3:54 am

I've lost many special interests, along the way.

Welcome to WrongPlanet, and welcome to my time warp. :)


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16 May 2010, 8:34 am

Well, you're not alone in both regards. I had just turned 28 when i got my official diagnosis, and going through depression at the same time tends to kill a lot of interests that i had had for over a decade. Its partially due to the depression as killing interests is part of its effect, but since you are older (and assuming you are officially dxed in the spectrum) you crave a special interest that services you intellectual needs. Games are a good way, yes, but as I am slowly finding out, they can only do so much before you needs something more. Unfortunately, work has a tendency to conflict with interests (for some of us) and it leaves what feels like a void or black hole in our brain. All i can say is keep looking, try a different kind of game (or interest for that matter) and perhaps something will spark. Here's hopin for you . . . and the rest in the same predicament. :)



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16 May 2010, 3:56 pm

Hi Dizzeh,

I'm 37 and I have been through that. One of my interests ended up being my career which I'm currently trying to change because while I don't mind doing it in a recreational sense doing it for income is very depressing and I can hardly get motivated to do it at all. This is a problem since it is my only souce of income right now.

These interests that I pursue are very stimulating to parts of my brain and I feel good doing them. I want to do them, reasearch them practice them, discover them, and master them. I used to have alot of stamina. I worked at my interest minimum 12 hours a day 7 days a week for like five years. Like I said it was stimulating. Like a positive kind of addiction. But I get tired and have self starting issues now which has never been descriptive of my character before.

I'm only now learning about my tendecies after 35 years. Your post sounded familiar to my feelings. I seem to have to go through some experiences many times for me to realize something is wrong. I'm learning that for lack of intuition I naturally take in tons of information before I'm able to process it effectively. That takes alot of time. So among other things that I now understand about myself is that I'm not going to be fulfilled by pursuing any interest to the enth degree. I choose to let go of some interests that were very much apart of me(seemingly). They don't have to be a part of my identity. When I start on new interests I remind myself to keep it fun. shorten the consecutive hours I spend on it and not spend too much money on it. I know that fulfilment and a satisfying sense of self worth for me will come from relationships and my faith ( which is also a relationship in my faith) Of course this is a tough one for me as I have difficulty as many here do. If you have some people in your life then good for you. If not then keep working on that. I agree with Plated you can and will find other things to do. It's how we work and a blessing in some ways. Having this will bring good balance to a life with a spouse for me someday. In the mean time you might try taking a job that you would not mind doing regaurdless of the pay. There is something theraputic about a days labor and the rythm to life it provides.



Technikilor
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16 May 2010, 4:15 pm

Dizzeh wrote:
Is this a normal occurrence to lose complete interest in what you loved and become depressed?

Happened to me recently.



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18 May 2010, 5:11 am

Normal? Hell, yeah. After all, obsessive interests are just our brains attempting to fill in the gap where theory of mind ought to have gone. The better we get at assessing value from our activities the harder the gap gets to fill.



twitching77
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29 May 2010, 1:42 am

this has happened to me a few times i can remember.

i know many years ago when i was around 20 i was very, very obsessed on yo-yo's lol.
i seem to always need something to be obsessed with. if i don't have something to become obsessed with, my life completely falls apart.

i was into yo-yo'ing very heavily for about 3 years. it's litteraly the only thing i cared about, the only thing i talked about, the only thing i wanted to do. i worked just so i could buy even more yo-yo's.
i'd spend anywhere from 5-12 hours a day (sometimes more) playing with my yo-yo's or being on forums talking with other people who enjoyed the same hobby as me.
i even went to a compition in las vegas for it. . .and i had no interest in anything in vegas other then the compition (i ended up winning 1st in the novice devision, lol i never did get very good at it, which frustrated me to no end because i worked soooo hard at improving).

then one day, i just had enough.
i sold off ALL of my yo-yo's (i had hundreds of dollars invested in them) and haven't touched a yo-yo since. i was just done with them.
i never really fully understood why i completely dropped the obsession. it's like 1 day it was all i cared about, then the next day i didn't care about them at all.
though i know my frustration at not improving had alot to do with it (i worked so hard at getting better so i could do some of the harder tricks, but i hit a wall that i couldn't move past. yet other people who'd just been yoing for a month or 2 were getting much, much better then i was. . .it was so frustrating.)

the next couple of years in my life i wasn't able to find another obsession, and it became one of the darkest times in my life. 2 suicide attempts, 2 stays in a mental hospital, constant paranoia, self hatred, and depression. . .it was just a very bad time.


and the other obsession i had that i suddenly dropped that i can think of off the top of my head, is photography.
one day i became obsessed with taking pictures, so i saved up money to buy $1200 worth of photography equipment (camera and lenses). . .spent about 6 months completely absorbed with it. . .then one day i just stopped caring about photography at all (and the thing that annoys me, is every time i pick up my camera now, i've forgotten most of the stuff i learned while i was obsessed with it lol).


but a video game very, very quickly replaced my photography obsession (been obsessed with this game for the past 2 years now. . .world of warcraft).



alone
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30 May 2010, 8:34 am

I love this thread. I'm never as happy as when I am on one of my quests for complete knowledge of something. It is soothing to me. Over the years I have become an expert on too many things to mention here, all of which are of relatively no value to anyone else. Usually I loose interest when I have 'proven' my hypothesis, lol. I have found the best, the most efficient, the technically superior, the 'answer'. If you want to hear the dissertation on the subject I'm your source. Some studies have some value to a selected audience but most are of no value to anyone but me. I get true satisfaction from the quest for 'all the information'. One time it was rare earth magnets. There are magnets you can sit on your couch and toss in the air that will go through windows to stick on a metal object. I loved the yo yo tread above. I think these 'studies' help ease the confusions with people, emotional things I can't master.
Video games are an excellent challenge. I can loose myself in acquiring the skills, studying the engineering, reading stuff on the web about design, competition in the industry....I could go on and on. Every platform has its advantages and disadvantages. I've played all platforms, tested their online-connectivity factors, researched the target audiences, philosophies of the big 3 (Sony, MS, Nintendo), tested the handhelds .... aw the subject is grand and the games a forever challenge....much safer than rare earth magnets.

The problem is you cannot find a new obsession, it has to find you. :(



Obgeektor
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30 May 2010, 11:19 pm

Dizzeh wrote:
Hello WrongPlanet community, this is my first post after lurking for a month. I am not diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome currently (I have an evaluation with a psychologist on the 24th though) but I'm having some problems with direction in my life. Throughout childhood and my teens I usually had a interest that just consumed all of my thoughts and time (collecting and studying insects from age 3-7, Legos from 7-9, reptiles 9-13, sketching 13-19, various computer games from 19 to near present (26).)

The problem is that about 3 months ago I just lost all interest in anything and spiraled into a depression, attempted suicide and quit my job in IT. I have been in limbo from the past few months trying to figure out what to do; I started seeing a psychiatrist to proscribe me an SSRI to try and stave of the depression while I just sort of hold on. I also began speaking with a social worker and she told me that I've probably lived with Asperger's my whole life and just never knew it. Right now I am trying a 2nd SSRI after the first had no effect after 2 months use.

Is this a normal occurrence to lose complete interest in what you loved and become depressed?

I don't remember too much about losing interest in my past other than losing the fun I had sketching, but that one just tore me up and I hit a similar depression. I just wish I knew what it was that sparked the new special interest that helped get me out of that depression so I can try getting on with life. :(

Thanks in advance for any help or input anyone can provide me.


Have you tried getting yourself to exercise every day? Morning is better as you can then use the good buzz of endorphins in your daily activities and be tired enough to get a good night's sleep and repeat.
Depression is nasty and can be a vicious cycle. You have to put in a bit of effort at least, and exercise is a great start. Then have a look at interests again, perhaps you'll feel differently.


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31 May 2010, 12:20 am

I've also gone through times in my life when I abandoned one special interest -- nearly always because the pursuit of understanding or accomplishing it felt "complete" for one reason or another. And then I'd move on to the next joyful obsession and drive everyone crazy with that one.

I'm with you, though, in that lately I've seemed to have lost nearly all my special interests. Or rather, I've lost my obsession with them. I've chalked it up to a midlife crisis and drama-fest job, wearing me out. By the time it's MY time in my life, I'm worn out...


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Dizzeh
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31 May 2010, 5:18 am

I'm sorry for the lack of updates here, it seems I can only get myself to type at three in the morning. :?

The original question was in regards to losing interests in your obsessions and there really has been no update for me, I'm still very lost. The information everyone has stated has helped me understand that it is possible to latch on to new obsessions and be done with past obsessions.

I do have a second question that has been bugging me quite a bit recently. Is it possible to ever go back to a previous obsession and tackle it with same fervor as you had before? I've been getting a strong pull to start sketching again but I'm really trying to wait out this depression before I even try. I just don't know if I do try getting back into the artwork I'll just burn out very fast or if I can pick it back up and continue where I left off and hopefully begin to finally master it.

And as of May 24th I am officially diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome. :o Still trying to come to grips with that, but should be an interesting road.


I don't know how to properly quote everyone, so I'll stick with the old > standard.

>CockneyRebel
Thanks for the insight! I hope this time warp gets off on some pleasant stops along the way. :P

>PlatedDrake
It's great to hear there are people who have been in the situation, hopefully others have fared better than I though. I had suspected that it was the depression ending interests so abruptly and I've gotten to the point where I'm almost afraid to start one. And video games do seem to be so fleeting, seems like such a waste to pay $60 for a PS3 game with 80 hours of game play that I finish in a week. :oops: Thank you very much for the kind words, and I truly do hope those in the same predicament can pull through.

>tellyawhat
That sounded fantastic to me as well finding a career in IT when my interest at the time was computers and computer gaming; it ended up being a fast path to destroying any joy I got from programming and server work though. I'm lucky to have state disability covering me for the time being, but that will dry up soon I'd think.
The self starting seems like the most difficult thing to do these days. I would try and limit myself to smaller segments of time enjoying my interests, but the time spent without all I do is think about it! :x
Once I can stabilize from this depression I think I am going to have a great deal of self awareness in regards to my habits and behaviors; hopefully I can then find some ways to control that interest and perhaps an enjoyable career centered around it.

>Tecknikilor
Thanks for the input! :)

>peterd
I guess that makes sense. I'm still trying to educate myself on why we do these things and the lack of theory of mind was quite a large topic.

>twitching77
What a great story! I had a yo-yo as a teenager for a few weeks and only got far enough to walk the dog. :lol:
Camera equipment sure sounds expensive, I'll bet you have some beautiful photos to show for it though. :wink:
World of Warcraft is a game I just cannot get myself to start; I played Final Fantasy Online for 4 years with absolute obsession and I can't imagine what another MMO would do to me haha.

>alone
I'm glad you like the thread! :) Those earth magnets do sound quite dangerous, but man I bet you get some kind of bragging rights for owned one of those bad boys :P
My muse has got a few weeks left before I completely lose it, so this new interest had better hurry up and find me!

>Obgeektor
I've been doing some sit ups and push ups before bed on some nights, it's just so hard to find the energy. I have a dog I'd like to walk but it's so hard to find a time when there isn't anyone outside I'd bump in to while walking (last time I tried my dog growled at a little girl :( ).
Waiting out the depression before jumping in to a new interest seems like the best way to do it to avoid a fast burnout, but I am going absolutely crazy in the mean time. Hopefully by week 5 or 6 this Paxil will kick in and I can start living again.

>GumbyLives
That's what I found fascinating about AS is how focused on mastering a subject we can get. I personally tended to try to master the 'unmasterable' and would beat myself up over failing. Something to work on the future I guess.
My job was probably the number one source of my anxiety and depression as it would take all my energy just to show up and interact with coworkers. I'd get hope and just crash on my bed and listen to music for a few hours before my mind could start doing anything productive again. :oops:



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31 May 2010, 10:50 am

I sometimes do some push-ups and sit-ups, enough to count a bit, but it's not acceptably-good exercise versus moderate-to-hard cardio exercise for at least 30 minutes. Popping a pill is a very passive way to deal with depression and it's my belief that complacency only hurts in the long term with this disease. The buzz from endorphins kicks the arse out of anything prescribed, IMHO. Once I got up, had breakfast and cycled up a moderate mountain pass non-stop. Only about 3 miles or something, but it was a workout, and on the way down, I was on such a high, I kept having songs coming to my head (original ones, improvised, lyrics, vocal rhythms, melody lines, wow). That's the power of it ultimately, why trust a pill more than nature which says we're apes who are designed to exercise daily?
I'm a bit crap at taking my own advice, but I'm going to cycle up a huge hill to band practice and it's certainly not going to hurt my mind even if it does my legs. Do it at every opportunity and don't allow yourself to get slack, go RUNNING with your dog after dark or early morning, whatever it takes. You deserve to respect yourself, and the above is an important part of it. Good luck, I know from long experience that it's hard. But it's also very, very achievable, it's not climbing Everest!


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Dizzeh
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31 May 2010, 1:01 pm

Obgeektor wrote:
I sometimes do some push-ups and sit-ups, enough to count a bit, but it's not acceptably-good exercise versus moderate-to-hard cardio exercise for at least 30 minutes. Popping a pill is a very passive way to deal with depression and it's my belief that complacency only hurts in the long term with this disease. The buzz from endorphins kicks the arse out of anything prescribed, IMHO. Once I got up, had breakfast and cycled up a moderate mountain pass non-stop. Only about 3 miles or something, but it was a workout, and on the way down, I was on such a high, I kept having songs coming to my head (original ones, improvised, lyrics, vocal rhythms, melody lines, wow). That's the power of it ultimately, why trust a pill more than nature which says we're apes who are designed to exercise daily?
I'm a bit crap at taking my own advice, but I'm going to cycle up a huge hill to band practice and it's certainly not going to hurt my mind even if it does my legs. Do it at every opportunity and don't allow yourself to get slack, go RUNNING with your dog after dark or early morning, whatever it takes. You deserve to respect yourself, and the above is an important part of it. Good luck, I know from long experience that it's hard. But it's also very, very achievable, it's not climbing Everest!


I honestly would love to be able to start an exercise routine but it is really really difficult for me mentally to start anything these days. :? That really does sound fantastic though and I do envy that you get such pleasure from exercising; maybe some day I can achieve that, but it just doesn't seem possible at this time.

I know it sounds like I'm being cowardly by relying on a pill to kick start my mind back, but when you feel so claustrophobic of life and suicide seems the logical answer I think the options are limited. I don't plan on relying on a pill to straighten up my life, but I'm desperately hoping that it will allow me to finally be able to think much more clearly and just allow me some breathing room to deal with my issues and begin life again.

I appreciate the support and I hope in the coming weeks to report some success and to incorporate a good exercise routine into my life! :)



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01 Jun 2010, 2:55 am

As Stated depression will suppress ones ability to take pleasure in ones usual interests, however it is also usual [IMO] to 'burn out' ones obsessions, for example I will become obsessed with something and read extensively about it until I have answered the question that piqued my interest or just plain become bored with it, the consistent thing is that I will still read or play some form of board game[if social environs allow] even if the particular subject or game I had been obsessing about has ended, unless of course I am depressed in which case I have no enthusiasm for either.
I have over the years had a number of special interests that were dominant or my current obsession,

toy soldiers/models
comics
cycling
political theory
military history/theory and tactics

These are just a few major ones I can recall right now.

I think perhaps you may be depressed if nothing is firing you up at the moment. If that is the case, diagnosis and introduction to cognitive behavior therapy/theory may be of help, it certainly has helped me [along with Tony Attwoods book 'the complete guide to AS]. I am however not an extreme case and fairly high function.



Dizzeh
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01 Jun 2010, 11:21 pm

RedHanrahan wrote:
As Stated depression will suppress ones ability to take pleasure in ones usual interests, however it is also usual [IMO] to 'burn out' ones obsessions, for example I will become obsessed with something and read extensively about it until I have answered the question that piqued my interest or just plain become bored with it, the consistent thing is that I will still read or play some form of board game[if social environs allow] even if the particular subject or game I had been obsessing about has ended, unless of course I am depressed in which case I have no enthusiasm for either.
I have over the years had a number of special interests that were dominant or my current obsession,

toy soldiers/models
comics
cycling
political theory
military history/theory and tactics

These are just a few major ones I can recall right now.

I think perhaps you may be depressed if nothing is firing you up at the moment. If that is the case, diagnosis and introduction to cognitive behavior therapy/theory may be of help, it certainly has helped me [along with Tony Attwoods book 'the complete guide to AS]. I am however not an extreme case and fairly high function.


Yeah I'm really hoping it is just the depression and if I can get that cleared up I can move on to the next interest. I usually have a video game or movie that I can occupy myself with until then, but that well is completely dry right now. :?

What a surprise, the first book I read when I learned about Asperger's Syndrome was that very same Tony Attwood book along with his guide for parents and professionals. :D I'm about halfway through "Solutions for Adult's with Asperger's Syndrome" by Jaunita P. Lovett and have three other books waiting to be read. Anyone have any good books or websites/blogs that deal with AS (I'd be particularly interested in biographies or autobiographies I think)?



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01 Jun 2010, 11:43 pm

I know it's possible to get back to an old obsession - I've done it over and over again. The difference, I think, was that I approached it differently as I got older (and one hopes, wiser). You named political theory, for example. I obsessed on that when I was a teen, then again later when I was late 20s, then again later in my early 40s, and lately I've been getting interested again. But I don't see or understand it now like I did in those earlier times (I see a bigger picture now, and have added a lot more knowledge since). So one could argue that returned obsessions can be even more satisfying.


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Your Aspie score: 155 of 200 * Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 49 of 200 * You are very likely an Aspie