Not 'explaining'?

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Here's another topic that could be AC/DC - either friends and social skills or love and dating, but, sides heavily on 'dating' in viability terms and I think needs the kind of microscoping and drill-down we give it here.

The topic is something that I think I've gotten better at, especially with paying deliberate attention to it but, the freaky thing is - I'll realize that half the time people start making small talk; whether its friends of mine talking to someone they just met, talking to girls, a coworker talking to a client, etc. - I've had times in the past where I made small talk and was accused of 'explaining' - rofl....bwah? So wait... so coming out of your mouth its small talk and coming out of my mouth its explaining (showing weakness, naivity, like a "Look - I washed my hands before I left the restroom", ie. custodially giving authority to another adult as if your a child).

Apparently its a issue almost purely of tone or how people read your expressions? For me it seems like its rarely had to do with content - otherwise my friends and coworkers 'explain' way too much and I may need to start giving em shots about their masculinity . Note though I won't do it in a shy or scared manner, I won't do it in a way where I feel like I'm meeting the person on any other level but equal/horizontal/adult-to-adult. Maybe its just how my facial expressions pan out? I'm not sure exactly how much of this has actual rules and how much of it is nothing more than 'who' you look like you should be based on mannerisms or appearance to another person.

Any takers?

@tech, it might be helpful if you could give an example of the content you're referring to (it's hard to weigh in on your tone, facial expression without being able to see/hear it).

In terms of tone, there's a reporter on NPR named Chris Arnold. He has a very sing/song kind of delivery, and his voice tends to go up at the end of declarative sentences. His delivery always distracts from the story he's reporting, because it's so unusual.....he always seems unsure of what he's saying (although I'm certain he isn't unsure). The marketer in me wants to say that he's creating a distinctive brand for himself (way to go), but the radio listener in me says, "Forget about the branding, I want to concentrate on the news being delivered, not how weird the guy sounds delivering it." Boo. I'm sure some of his stories are posted on NPR's website (it seems like I typically hear him on Morning Edition; maybe All Things Considered once in a while) - maybe give one a listen to see what I'm talking about. Do you have a similarly unusual tone when making small talk? If so, it could make a difference. Just something to think about.

I hate to say it but, I'll likely have to wait for the next time it happens to try and remember the details. Its a fine-line issue, its really an issue I think that revolves around declarative conversation, even if its a story - even if its neither off topic nor off point. There's a gray area where people get confused between telling a story and getting at something funny, or getting at the fact that you did something interesting - vs. giving account.

I can say this at least, its an area where NT's slip up all the time as well, I have a few friends who say they're trying to break the habit and half the time blame me for it growing on em . I guess its perhaps just getting into details the way they want to but realizing that women tend to react to that somewhat negatively.