I'm getting choked up.
Actually I sat here for like 10 minutes sobbing away when I found out. I'm not afraid to admit it.
The other day I was listening to the Iowa album on my iPod at work, and I was paying attention to the bass lines. I was admiring their composition, and I decided that he is now one of my favorites. He fits right up there with the other bassists I rank as being the greatest. There was some technical stuff, and there was plenty of melody going on despite the aggressiveness of the songs.
He was there from the beginning of Slipknot, and a loss of a main-lineup Slipknot on top of other recent music related deaths and every other negative situation making impact on the world, it was too much for me. I only became a fan around three years ago, but since then, Slipknot were, to me, an anchor in this world. When someone f***s with you or you feel such anger and hatred at any and all negativity, Slipknot could help you beat it down and purge yourself. Slipknot, however Satanic they wanted to make themselves out to be, they were everything Good in this world. They were not afraid to show their displeasure at what was going on. They didn't see the need to follow the Bible's every word to see that the world is alright and there will be Salvation made easy. They were the everyman's rebel, you could tune in and hear that they agree with you, and that they care.
Paul Gray was a part of that. And he played a role, giving that bottom end to the thrashing "Heretic Anthem," yet with much compositional skill. He didn't just sit back and enjoy it, but he gave it his all. And you could clearly see that he was living a nice life and was keeping himself in the right state of mind. He had a wife and an unborn child on the way, and with the unclear results it at least lets us know that it was not a death of self-abuse. He did us a favor by forming Slipknot. He gave us a real gift. He wanted to put the word out there. He wanted to show us that we didn't need to commit murder or abuse our bodies with drugs and hurt our relationships with the ones who care about us. It was in the music. The music was there for us to use to purge ourselves of the negativity.
And out of all of us, it helped him.
(I'm not a great writer so I probably mentioned Slipknot too much, but it was more intended to be a tribute to him.)