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Peko
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08 Jun 2010, 7:34 pm

willaful wrote:
Kiley wrote:

My little guy likes to kiss my hand, too. It's so cute because he does it such a a soulful way sometimes, like he's in an old movie. He's a very serious kisser!


Your son would be popular with friends of mine in my school's renaissance club. They insist on having "wooing" classes to teach the guys how to kiss a girl's hand and impress her in medieval style :roll:. But the one member's 3 yo son always wins the "wooing contests" hands down :).


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willaful
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05 Nov 2010, 12:54 am

I'm revisiting this thread because my son's affectionate gestures have gotten totally out of hand. He keeps fondling me and raining kisses all over me. I am seriously uncomfortable and he's sad that I keep drawing back from him or telling him no, but what else can I do?

I think there's an element of sexual curiosity involved, because he doesn't do it to his dad, whom he adores, only to me.

I really don't know how to deal with this!


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nostromo
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05 Nov 2010, 3:18 am

willaful wrote:
I'm revisiting this thread because my son's affectionate gestures have gotten totally out of hand. He keeps fondling me and raining kisses all over me. I am seriously uncomfortable and he's sad that I keep drawing back from him or telling him no, but what else can I do?

I think there's an element of sexual curiosity involved, because he doesn't do it to his dad, whom he adores, only to me.

I really don't know how to deal with this!

At 8 I very much doubt it's sexual in any way (even though your quite the hot-hippo :D ), thats way too early but perhaps something he's seen somewhere? I don't know what to suggest though, perhaps ignore it totally or divert his attention and turn the affection into a playfight?
My 9 yr old daughter can be like a limpet at kiss goodnight time, she showers kisses on me and wraps her arms around my neck, all to stretch it out, tickles work wonders..maybe tickle him everytime he tries it? Kids love tickles and they can't molest you when your tickling them.



willaful
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05 Nov 2010, 11:31 am

It's an idea, but I don't think it would address the core issue, which is he needs to learn what is/isn't appropriate and also how to respect boundaries. No one has complained so far, but I'm scared he will get too friendly with a babysitter or worse, another kid.

My problems are I a) am not very good at recognizing boundaries myself, much less explaining them b) hate to make him feel like I'm rejecting his affection.


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DW_a_mom
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05 Nov 2010, 11:50 am

willaful wrote:
I'm revisiting this thread because my son's affectionate gestures have gotten totally out of hand. He keeps fondling me and raining kisses all over me. I am seriously uncomfortable and he's sad that I keep drawing back from him or telling him no, but what else can I do?

I think there's an element of sexual curiosity involved, because he doesn't do it to his dad, whom he adores, only to me.

I really don't know how to deal with this!


I don't think there is anything sexual to it, personally; some kids (like mine!) are complete sensory seekers when it comes to physical touch and have no sense of boundaries. They do it because they feel a need to, and because it feels good. I think mommy feels safer than dad, which is why we get more of it. My husband always went rigid cold and pushed my son off, so he got the hint early.

With my son I've had to explain to him with no frills that people simply cannot touch others at will, affectionate or not. That there are actually LAWS against it, and that he MUST learn to LISTEN when someone says, "I don't like that." The sugar coating can be to explain there are many other ways to show love, and that not wanting to be touched does not mean you don't love them, or want to be with them, or want to make them happy ... just, you don't like it the way they are doing it. The way to make them understand it might be to compare it to something innocent that the world does to them, that they can't stand, so that they understand this is not anything personal. Still, my son has had the hardest time accepting that what he wants and needs isn't always going to be what he gets, and it does make him sad, but needs in a family must be balanced, and we have needs, too. It is extremely important that our kids learn to pull away when asked to, and I have emphasized this over and over again with my son.

He's 13 and we still have times he'll cling and not let go when I tell him he has to. I usually stay calm, and say, "I don't like this right now, it's too much." If I've done that for a while and maybe joked, "I can't breathe!", eventually I'll literally push him off, saying, "I love you but you've got to let go now." Then he'll give me that puppy dog look and I'll remind him that I had already told him several times that I wanted him to stop, and he wasn't listening. He knows he has to learn this, but he's still resisting. So, we keep the conversations calm and firm. Thank GOD he has no interest in dating, or I'd be scared out of my wits. Well, he knows that even if he did have an interest, until he can listen when people ask him not to touch, he won't be allowed to.

I will note that his sister and I are currently the only people he still does this too. He has learned to not follow the "don't touch unless they want to be touched rule" with everyone else.


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number5
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05 Nov 2010, 4:34 pm

My son can act in a similar way too. I think it may be a confusion over the different types of love. My son saw his dad grab my butt, and a few hours later he did it himself 8O . He's also talked frequently about how he wants to marry his sister because he "fell in love with her." He's only 5, so while we've gone over the differences between romantic love and family love, I don't think he fully gets it. That could easily be our fault though, because how do you explain romantic love to a 5 yo at an age appropriate level?

For now, we've done the things that DW_a_mom talks about and it's mostly worked. He doesn't have a clear understanding of boundaries, but he's pretty good with rules. I wouldn't worry about hurting his feelings too much because it's a very important rule for him to learn. It's to his benefit that he learns the difference between appropriate and inappropriate touch. Follow it up with a big hug and he'll be fine. :)