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Asterisp
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03 Jun 2010, 4:03 pm

Next week my (former?) best friend is getting married. Really nice for him and his wife-to-be. But I am not really happy.

In 2008 I already posted a topic mentioning people in my surroundings bugging me about the reduced amount of contact between us, because he has a girlfriend. I moved to another part of the country (only two hours drive, but for most Dutch people it is far away) and my job took more time. We see each other less and less. I am not happy about it and tried to see him more, but he is always busy. With his bachelor party I realised that I am not considered his best friend any more, I was not asked by his brothers in-law to organize it together and nobody asked me to do something at his wedding. I thought about the possibility that I should initiate things, but then I also get on the terrain of his family. Really difficult and my parents did not comment on it, so I probably broke no social rules. Also his sister is still on good terms with me, if I did something wrong I would have heard from her. I feel a bit as an outsider that is invited as an 'old friend', but no real connection...

I know that friendships are things that change in time, but I am still a bit sad about it. Besides him I have only one person I also consider a close friend, but our relationship is more business-like. We do volunteer work together and talk to each other, but that's it.

I do not expect easy solutions in this topic, but writing it already was a good thing. Maybe you have some suggestions or experiences that can help me.

Maybe one question, can you function without a best friend? I did already? But I still feel bad about it.



CockneyRebel
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04 Jun 2010, 3:54 pm

One of my three best friends drifted away, three weeks ago. I still cry about it, a couple times a week. I'm getting stronger about it. I haven't heard from her, since last Wednesday and I'm just going to let her go and find some people who are more hip, that she has more in common with.


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passionatebach
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04 Jun 2010, 7:20 pm

I have had this happen to me on a number of occasions. It is not a fun experience.

It has been occasions that it has been both forced or a mutual falling out. I take the falling outs better.

Unfortunately, the only way to counter this is to make new friends, or in the least find activities that you would be interested in. For example, if you are in to astronomy, join the local astronomy club or observatory. If you are spiritual, a house of worship that meets your beliefs.



CaptainTrips222
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05 Jun 2010, 4:27 am

I'm sorry, Asterisp. It is sad, and I know how it feels. But you're not alone, as you can see.



Asterisp
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06 Jun 2010, 7:11 am

I was talking to some family of my fiend this weekend and they noticed also the lessened contact between my friend and me. They said it was a natural occurring phenomenon, but hoped our friendship will renew in some way.

Thank you for your comments and answers. I will see how the friendship develops in the future... but also looking for new opportunities for friends and relations. I try to join an activity here in the neighbourhood, maybe I get some new friends there.



Asterisp
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02 Jul 2011, 6:11 am

To tell you all how this topic developed...

I saw him a few more times after marriage, some visits were really good. But the last one was three months ago and I felt a bit awkward. I called him a while ago, but he was busy.

Last week was his birthday and he did not even call or mail me an invitation, which he always did. I send a birthday card out of politeness, but I really think this friendship is over.

I feel a bit sad about it, but not too much.

Maybe some one has a good idea... but I think this is over for now.



AngelKnight
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02 Jul 2011, 5:21 pm

Asterisp wrote:
To tell you all how this topic developed...

I saw him a few more times after marriage, some visits were really good. But the last one was three months ago and I felt a bit awkward. I called him a while ago, but he was busy.

Last week was his birthday and he did not even call or mail me an invitation, which he always did. I send a birthday card out of politeness, but I really think this friendship is over.

I feel a bit sad about it, but not too much.

Maybe some one has a good idea... but I think this is over for now.


Hiyas,

It's sort-of brave that you were willing to mention how things have gone since. Cool!

As for friendships ending, well, sometimes they fade once neither person has anything to learn about the other. A bit like reaching the end pages of a good book; you want for more but there's nothing else left. In the end, he's okay, you're okay. It seems it's time to put that book on the shelf for a while; you can bring it back down and reread the cool parts later ;)