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zeldapsychology
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03 Jun 2010, 10:54 pm

She has a boyfriend named Matt and from seeing 2 FB posts he says he works for "his woman's dad" and tonight he posted he's watching Goonies with "his woman" As I've mention in previous topics it's probably teasing let it go etc. but do you think perhaps mentioning her boyfriends comments to her would be ok? I don't want to lose the only friendship I have! but I stand by IMO personally I see "my woman" as sick and ICK! She's not a trophy/object! For god sake you might aswell call her a slut/whore/b***h or some other negative name! That's just my view but is my view to strong to tell her and just keep it to myself? (Never met him I'm just gauging him from FB posts and he looks like a nice guy and she seems to like him) but as I said I DON'T want to upset my friend.



CanadianRose
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03 Jun 2010, 11:21 pm

I wouldn't bother mentioning this to your friend.

I have read some of your other posts and respect that would are uncomfortable with someone referring to you as "the woman." This is perfectly acceptable as each person has their own style and preferences.

However, your friend probably does not have this issue. She does not find this behaviour unacceptable. She probably either finds it tolerable or even endearing.

If you bring this up with your friend, you risk testing your friendship. The man is not dating you, he is dating her. If he uses a word or phrase when speaking or texting YOU, you can say "I really don't like being referred to as "___," It's just a personal quirk. I would prefer you just use my name." Say this with a smile or a :) . As for his communication style with others - let the others tell him what they prefer. It's just not really your business otherwise.

Notwithstanding everything I said above - if your friend mentions that she is being hurt (physically or emotionally), you might encourage her to seek outside help if she feels it necessary (e.g. through a women's center). However, these cases are pretty extreme. Calling someone "my woman" is not emotional/physical abuse.

BTW - I am referred to as "the Mrs" by my husband. We have been happily married for 7 years.



Ferdinand
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04 Jun 2010, 12:57 am

I'd let it go.


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Lene
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04 Jun 2010, 5:17 am

I'd be inclined to let it go too.

It's between them what they want to call each other. It would be different if she had confided in you that she has a problem with this phrase and actually asked you to step in, but she hasn't.

It would upset me too if my bf referred to me as his 'woman' but that doesn't mean you can inflict your own values/views on other couples.



FireMinstrel
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04 Jun 2010, 9:23 am

I'm gonna quote Murray from the movie "Clueless", who also called his girlfriend "woman":
"Street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns DO have mocking, but not necessarily misogynistic undertones,"

If it doesn't bother her, then you're just going to cause needless trouble by vocalizing your aversion to what he calls her, which also will not make the best impression on this guy. Long story short: it's none of your business, even if it's there on a public forum.



Kuramu
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04 Jun 2010, 9:29 am

Try to let it go. If you can't, vent out your feelings on the matter through drawing or writing, or some other creative source.


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alex
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04 Jun 2010, 9:34 am

i agree with ferdinand. I'd let it go.



CockneyRebel
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04 Jun 2010, 12:28 pm

I'd take it with a grain of salt, and let it slide.


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