Question about AS guys and their need for space.

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ah, sorry if that offended you in that case, that wasnt the intention. still, unless any relationship is completely hopeless (this doesnt seem like it) i try to make it work until the end, or until i know its the end. it was more like the list that annoyed me; it seems to say these problems will happen 100% of the time, and for most AS cases a lot of things on that list just aren't true. the problem with that list is that i dont think any woman would want to be in a relationship where all/any of those things are true after reading it. even if they can be a problem with AS males, and even if the book is just writen to help, i think it will just damage the credibility that AS males can be in a relationship.

got a bit carried away on that last post, sorry

well, i can understand where your freinds are coming from, its only natural that they'd think that if they don't understand AS (not many people do, ofentimes even people with high up qualifications have no idea what AS means to being a person and are liable to these misunderstandings)

however i think you're right about what you said (just a geuss, im not a psychic); he doesnt just do this out of malice. he is being unreasonable, but its not like this is an impossible relationship, or even an impossible problem. its a good idea not to overload him with questions, but you still should be open with your questions rather than bottling them up. im not completely sure but maybe he would be okay with you asking a streight-forward question like "do you still like me". the concept of being able to just be up-front about things like this may seem confusing, but with AS asking and answering questions like this is normal. i have been in many situations where i have been thinking "why does everyone even bother with these roundabout ways of asking questions, why can everyone be more up-front?".

although its right that a healthy relationship doesnt involve you making too much effort, you have to let him make a little effort for you as well for the benifit of the relationship.

This list really rubs me the wrong way. Based on this info I would boycott that book. It makes Aspies sound like cold heartless jerks. I unofficially have AS(mom suspected sense I was a toddler but been diagnosed with everything except that) & when I was in a relationship years ago; I was NOT like that. If anything I was the opposite of that list; she was the one who kept wanting space & distance. I know you wer trying to be helpful but I think that would give NTs the wrong impression about AS

To be fair, it depends on the aspie.

However, that's my experience with aspies.

I would be really curious to know why you're who you are, and why they are what they are.

Also, you might want to consider that what you think you are like in a relationship, and what you are actually like, are two different things.

That book was written by an aspie who has studied NT/AS, AS/AS relationships for ten years.

The aspie I know has only some idea that he is like that--and then he goes on to the next girl because he works in a target-rich environment. He just thinks, 21 people later, that he's "never found the right girl.'

regardless of it being a problem with a lot of AS males, AS can be very mild, so mild to the point where it never really affects you that much.

sorry about making another outburst, but i'll get to the point. i've never acctualy had a girlfreind before, but that doesnt mean my advice is invalid, and anyway, if i ever did have a girlfreind i would put her first no matter what, i dont need space from other people, much less a girlfreind; in fact i would probably do the opposite, and even then i'd always want to know what she thinks about how i act in a relationship because of my AS. the only thing i can think of on that list that i would ever be accounted for would be communication, and thats an issue with nearly all people with AS, not just males.

ive said this before, and i know you arent being malecious, but frankly ive had a truckload of trouble just trying to get into a relationship, it is really difficult for the male to make the first move, im not expecting that the world owes me a relationship just because ive had a hard time, but personaly, i find it a bit of a slap in the face when i hear someone trying to justify a list of things that say in a watered down way "you want to be in a relationship with an AS male? sure you can, but he probably wont commit to you, and you'll be lonely all the time. really you're doing this worthless, pathetic, counterfit spouse of yours a HUGE favor by even talking to him"

regardless of who made that list, its just NOT true, and it's just going to give the wrong image of AS males.

okay i geuss youve had personal experience, and after reading this book, i can understand why you'd agree with it if you knew someone like that, but the fact of the matter is, those problems listed are not true in all cases, not just in males but in all people with AS, the symptoms can vary considerably, and the author of that book doesnt seem to realise that.

sorry i turned this thread into an argument, but i cant accept that list. anyway if you wanna continue this lets just PM each other about it.

No argument needed here.

I'm just glad that you're not all like that!

Under those circumstances, even an NT would have a hard time IMO.

luckily i'm one of those