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ColdBlooded
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05 Jun 2010, 11:24 am

Does anyone else find that they use the same topics in conversations over and over and over again? I do talk to people at work, and it seems like i just keep saying the same things to different people. Like when i think of a new idea for conversation, i'll use the same one with a bunch of different people i talk to that day to try to make conversation, and just try not to use the same one on the same person twice. The are some general ones, like when it's someone i don't know then if there's anything related to the subject of animals, then i bring up the reptiles that i have. Then with people who i kind of know, i have to bring up new things so to them i bring up something interesting i recently saw or something funny that happened recently, so when i think of a new one to use i'll bring it up to most of the people i talk to then and sometimes go back to past ones if the person hasn't heard the others already. I guess everyone probably does this to some degree, but other people seem to have more variety or creativity with what they say, i think. With me i'm pretty much having the same conversations over and over again with new people.



Kiley
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05 Jun 2010, 11:26 am

I don't but my Aspie kids do. I think that's very typical Aspie behavior. It can get old for those of us who aren't wanting to hear that information over and over again, but it's not really offensive or anything. I tell the kids at school that it means my kids like them when they do that, and some of them really get it. Some of them are also really into hearing about sharks or robotics so sometimes it works out OK for all parties.

Just be sensitive to the fact that it can be a bit grinding on the nerves and brain sometimes if it's not the other person's area of interest. NTs do this too sometimes.



CockneyRebel
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05 Jun 2010, 11:30 am

All that I ever seem to talk about, is money. How I plan to save, how I plan to spend. What budget I have worked out. I also talk about how much money I plan to have saved, by November 1st, when my home insurance is due. I'm sure that people get tired of hearing me talk about money, but money is a very universal topic.


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Beggar_Man
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05 Jun 2010, 11:30 am

ColdBlooded wrote:
Does anyone else find that they use the same topics in conversations over and over and over again? I do talk to people at work, and it seems like i just keep saying the same things to different people. Like when i think of a new idea for conversation, i'll use the same one with a bunch of different people i talk to that day to try to make conversation, and just try not to use the same one on the same person twice. The are some general ones, like when it's someone i don't know then if there's anything related to the subject of animals, then i bring up the reptiles that i have. Then with people who i kind of know, i have to bring up new things so to them i bring up something interesting i recently saw or something funny that happened recently, so when i think of a new one to use i'll bring it up to most of the people i talk to then and sometimes go back to past ones if the person hasn't heard the others already. I guess everyone probably does this to some degree, but other people seem to have more variety or creativity with what they say, i think. With me i'm pretty much having the same conversations over and over again with new people.


Aye, it drives my mum crazy when she calls.

me: "Hi mum, how are you?"
Her: [standard response or whatever]

conversation meanders somewhere for a while, then there's a short silence

me: "So, how are you?"



eightyfour
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05 Jun 2010, 11:40 am

I can relate to this. For some reason I do not understand, it feels good to talk about the same things over and over again. I dont get bored with these conversations in the way that i get bored in conversations involving other topics. My husband is used to it though :P I can talk about other things, but it doesnt give me the same satistaction that I get from talking about topics i enjoy.

I also often find that I am going over the same things again and again because I often get the feeling that the person I am talking to really doesnt understand what I am saying. They think they do, but I often find that they are not thinking as deeply as I am on the matter and I really try to get them to see it the "right way".

Sometimes, it just makes me feel normal, having the same old conversations. I dont have to think on the spot. Sometimes I find it exhausting to talk about new things because I dont always process information as fast as others do. Its work at times. Falling back into familiar territory is a great change of pace.

Yup, i know, a little ridiculous. It sounds weird to me as I try to explain it on this post, but when I am doing it, it doesnt seem the slightest bit odd.



poppyx
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05 Jun 2010, 11:54 am

I find myself having to study up for conversations with my aspie friend.

Most of what he is willing to talk about is politics.



Kiley
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05 Jun 2010, 12:03 pm

I find it's worth putting up with a little one sided conversation from time to time. The Aspies in my life are awsome. They put up with me too. I know they don't always like some of the ways I expect them to flex around my needs, but it's worth trying to meet each other halfway and make a life together.

The benefits far outweigh the occasional boredom.



poppyx
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05 Jun 2010, 12:08 pm

Well, yeah. I like talking about politics. :D



Swordfish210
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05 Jun 2010, 12:08 pm

I do not know if this is entirely on topic,
but when I have conversations about a certain topic, the thing I want to say about it are stored as bulletpoints in my head,
and I can get really frustrated if I havn't mentioned all these points before the conversation moves on. I find myself trying to get it back on the original topic to finish my list.


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marshall
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05 Jun 2010, 12:47 pm

I did this more when I was younger.

Now I tend to avoid talking about stuff that interests me, or at least limit my enthusiasm around others. I can get really depressed when someone seems emotionally unresponsive or doesn't give me any feedback. I feel kindof hurt, or maybe just frustrated, when others aren't into anything I'm into. It bothers me so much that I kind of repress myself.

I guess it's a two way street though as I can get REALLY bored with other people's conversations and I often feel completely fake when I try to participate in random chit-chat / banter. NT's, especially the unintellectual ones, are always going to find the stuff I'd like to discuss boring, and on the same token I'll always find their mindless meandering chit-chat boring. I don't see that there's an easy reconcisliation. I AM very different from most people, despite what some people claim, those who insist that I just need to "put myself out" more. I guess some of this is clinical depression related as much as AS related. Social anhedonia if you will.

It also bothers me how the NT "experts" describe people with AS as dull, repetitive, circumscribed, unimaginative, etc. Well, I feel the same way about "stupid" people, particularly stupid NT's. Sorry if this comes of as a bad attitude. I'm just feeling really sh***y and depressed right now. I've also now realize that I've strayed completely off topic and thus my post will probably be ignored. :(



Last edited by marshall on 05 Jun 2010, 12:53 pm, edited 4 times in total.

Metal_Man
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05 Jun 2010, 12:49 pm

I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in sports, gambling or beer so any conversation with most NT men is out. My interests make it hard to engage in small talk with most people.


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eightyfour
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05 Jun 2010, 1:00 pm

marshall wrote:
\\
I guess it's a two way street though as I can get REALLY bored with other people's conversations and I often feel completely fake when I try to participate in random chit-chat / banter. NT's, especially the unintellectual ones, are always going to find the stuff I'd like to discuss boring, and on the same token I'll always find their mindless meandering chit-chat boring. I don't see that there's an easy reconcisliation. I AM very different from most people, despite what some people claim, those who insist that I just need to "put myself out" more. I guess some of this is clinical depression related as much as AS related. Social anhedonia if you will.


Not ignored :) This is how I feel all too often.



Beggar_Man
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05 Jun 2010, 1:10 pm

marshall wrote:
and thus my post will probably be ignored. :(


Just like all of mine

But I do agree wholeheartedly



marshall
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05 Jun 2010, 1:35 pm

eightyfour wrote:
I also often find that I am going over the same things again and again because I often get the feeling that the person I am talking to really doesnt understand what I am saying. They think they do, but I often find that they are not thinking as deeply as I am on the matter and I really try to get them to see it the "right way".

:) Oh man. I can relate to this.

I'll let you in on a little secret that I found out. They DO NOT CARE that they don't understand.

For example, when someone asks someone else about thier work, especially if it's in a technical field, they don't really want to know what the other person does They don't want the other person to take the time to break it down so that they can understand. No, they just want the other person to rattle off a bunch of jargon and acronyms that comes off as "I do some important sh*t". That way they can feel as though they've stoked the other person's ego by allowing them to say "my job is important sh*t". Then they can expect the same in return. They don't want to know details or understand what you actually do. To an NT that is boring.



Last edited by marshall on 05 Jun 2010, 1:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

marshall
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05 Jun 2010, 1:40 pm

eightyfour wrote:
Not ignored :) This is how I feel all too often.

Thanks. :)

Now I just realized that it isn't fair that I just manipulated people into quoting me because I b*tched about how my post will probably be ignored. Sometimes I can't help it though.



eightyfour
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05 Jun 2010, 2:13 pm

i dont think you intentionally manipulated....looks more like you just wanted to retract your previous statement because you may have realized how it may have sounded. So, to regain your "power", you chose to state that your previous comment was a tool of manipulation rather than a geniune moment of weakness.

but there i go trying to analyze a stranger....



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