Does using a facade interfere with being successful?

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MotownDangerPants
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07 Jun 2010, 6:34 pm

I thought I'd ask this here because I know that some Aspie women have an easier time mirroring acceptable social behavior and often use facades.

Do you find that when you put more effort into building and perpetuating a facade, as say, a very social/funny person, you start to lose your natural talents? I can definitely be a very driven, focused, high achieving person by nature. I started using facades in middle school because I was very withdrawn as my natural self and got bullied mercilessly for being a nerd. The problem with doing that is that it drains all of my energy and takes ALL of my focus away. I can't be two people at the same time, I can either be boring and serious me and be very success driven, or fun, hilarious( I am very funny regardless but it's not my natural inclination to express it), social me and achieve absolutely nothing. It's difficult finding a balance.

True for anyone else?



Flannel
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25 Jun 2010, 3:16 pm

Yes, I know exactly what you mean. When I meet people I really put on the charm and mirror them. This creates an almost instant rapport, you want them to like you. At the end of the day, I feel really tired. It depends on the importance of the event i.e. how successful I need to appear to be to others.

The difficulty arises when you are interacting with the same people after some time and then your
"acting" facade takes too much time to maintain. I think this creates a contradictory impression of you to those around you.

These habits of mine (and I can imagine as you have mentioned yours) are built up over a lifetime of silent coping and rejection, these are our strategies.

In most cases, I know to tone down my false persona (even though I really love her, that do everything out there super social person)

In the end, those who are genuine and true that accept warts and all are the people that matter. I am trying to put this into daily practice. This does not mean I don't mind my social graces (all people need to act these out to a certain extent) but I put my energy where my work is, and that is what matters.



Scorpiogrl_83
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02 Jul 2010, 12:44 pm

I so agree with both of the above posts - I spent many years putting on a facade and all of that at family gatherings, weddings, etc. The problem is while I can portray that appearence I get VERY exhausted doing that - it takes too much energy. Something that many NTs don't understand. Anyone else have that experience?



kahlua
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04 Jul 2010, 4:00 am

I hate going out to social gatherings, and even just to work everyday. Its great to get home and just be myself and not have to analyse what my hands are doing, whether I am looking upset or unhappy, if I'm not talking enough etc.
It takes so much effort and I never enjoy it.

I hate being outside the house at all, to be honest.



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