Wanna ask a girl to the movies, but can't do it

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Brianruns10
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02 Jul 2010, 7:14 pm

UPDATE

So I asked her. Backpedaling a bit, I got invited today to an office party, where I freelance, and she works fulltime. I chatted with her off and on, and we talked movies a bit, including the one I hoped to ask her to see. She hadn't seen it.

Fast forward to when I'm leaving. I catch her on the way out, while we're alone, and straight up ask, "So, would you be interested in seeing [movie A] sometime?" I think I said it in a way, in a place (just the two of us), straight up, that would convey it was a date, albeit rather casual and friendly.

She smiled pretty brightly and said, "You know, I think I need to see that movie sometime."

To which I said, "Great! How about I call you?"

She replied "Sure!" or "Okay!" or some such.

I've misread situations so much, I frankly don't trust myself. Analyzing the conversation, I see she didn't say, "I'd love to," or anything absolute, but "shed like to see it sometime." Likewise, when I offered to call, she didn't say, "Please do," or "I'd like that," but gave a more open ended answer, as though, I can call, but it doesn't guarantee anything?

I was concerned she was dating someone, but I feel pretty sure that isn't happening, because I can't believe how she could be seeing someone else in earnest, and yet seem so open to my proposal.

But what do you all make of this? Is she being polite, or is she genuinely interested?

BR



CJame
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02 Jul 2010, 8:54 pm

Congratulations!! You did it!!

Sounds to me the most important exchange was the bright smile, and the emphatic reply when you offered to call.

The exchange sounds genuine, and instead of worrying about "what if's," it's more important to think about what you're going to say during your phone call.

Keep it short. Call soon and don't play games -- unless you're looking for that type of relationship.



Brianruns10
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05 Jul 2010, 3:09 pm

So I called her. She didn't pick up, so I left a message. She sent me a text a day later, saying she couldn't go to the movies, since she was hanging with her girlfriends, and thanked me for the invite. End of story. So it's pretty much a brush off, albeit polite. It's what I figured, she was just being polite to me earlier, and didn't figure I'd follow up.

I knew this would happen. And in any case, she's a pretty cool girl, and much more sophisticated than me. She could do better, and deserves better, and probably knows it.

s**t though, it still stinks. It's bad enough wondering if you'll ever find someone to spend your life with. I find myself wondering if I'll ever find someone who'll even give me a chance, a trial run? Always on deck, but never get to the batter's box. I'd give anything to have a failed relationship. It'd mean I was at least capable of having one. As is, I doubt I'm good enough for anybody.

Thank god for my work. Keeps me going, and helps to numb this loneliness.

Thanks all for your advice. Just wish I had something better to report after all the effort.

BR



Dilbert
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05 Jul 2010, 9:51 pm

Awesome! You see you can do it! :) Don't worry about the rejection. It will for sure happen a few more times until you meet the right person for you. Rejection is pretty much the ONLY sure thing in this world. Think of it this way: now you know where she stands and you can move on and not dwell on her anymore.

Yeah she handled it politely. It tells me she's a nice person. Her body language was probably telling you NO as her voice was telling you YES. You probably didn't catch this today, but someday you will learn to.



RICKY5
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06 Jul 2010, 4:47 am

Brianruns10 wrote:
I want to ask an acquaintance, who works for a company for whom I've done freelance work, to the movies. But I just can't do it. I'm afraid she'll say no, that she has a boyfriend (I have no idea, since it's been a while since I've seen her, apart from stopping by the office for brief visits, or some minor work). I'm afraid it'll be awkward, and then everytime I see her it'll be awkward, and I just can't bring my self to take the risk. I want her to say yes, but the fear of her saying no outweighs the positive outcome. Rather than desire the carrot, I fear the stick.

This is where The Game drives me nuts. I might not be so afraid, if I knew that a negative response could still mean a friendship is possible. But it has rarely happened that way. When I ask a friend, either she declines outright, or in one or two instances accepts, goes out with me, discovers I'm damaged goods and she can do better, and the result in all cases is they never speak to me again, even when I make occasional neutral FB messages or emails saying stuff like, "Hey, how're things going with you these days?"

And I have so few friends anyways, that I fear risking that for the slight chance of finding something greater: love. Because instead, it winds up costing me a friend, so why even try?

I dont' know what to do!


I know how you feel. If I were you, I would not jeopardize the freelance work for the remote chance of a girl liking you at a particular moment (they're fickle like that.).

I personally do not like trying to date coworkers since money is far more important than "love".

I had a crush on a coworker once but what I did was get an escort who looked just like her and the crush was gone.