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Perin
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24 Jun 2010, 1:43 pm

jmnixon95 wrote:
I'm typically quiet and my facial expression is monotonous (so is my voice), so, people who don't know me always ask me why I'm pissed off/sad, when I'm really not.


Ditto, my friend. The poster with the amused default face is lucky. I look either bored/pissed off/sad or combos of all three.

another_1 wrote:
As has been said, not a physical difficulty, I just don't always know what expression to put on. It seems that my default expression is something like "I will kill you if you talk to me," 8O so it's a good idea for me to put some kind of expression on.

I've been in a relationship for about 2 1/2 years now with someone who I can only describe as HYPER social. Yes, it has been stressful, but he has been wonderful about teaching me how to socialize. When we met, I told him that I'd be ok with 6 or 8 people for dinner, would have a great deal of difficulty with a party of 30, and simply could NOT handle a large party (say, 100+). I'm still not comfortable with a group of more than 6 or 8, but I CAN go to large events without melting down! Of course, I manage that by spending most of the evening "admiring" the host's artwork, but still! Hey, I'll take any improvement I can get! ;)


That's fantastic. I'm not sure if this is correct, but it seems more likely for men to be understanding and caring for a female aspie. I have yet to meet or hear of females doing the same towards a male aspie. Perhaps it's that protective instinct that a lot of men have, and the fact that women somehow feel that their counterparts need to be their equals or above.

It's a pity though. I would not mind a supportive better half. I'm beginning to think a fellow aspie would be good.



another_1
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24 Jun 2010, 2:26 pm

Perin wrote:
it seems more likely for men to be understanding and caring for a female aspie.

It's a pity though. I would not mind a supportive better half. I'm beginning to think a fellow aspie would be good.


Try being a male, looking for a supportive male. Stereotypes usually become stereotypes because they contain some truth. People expect a gay guy to be a flamboyant party animal simply because that is the "type" that gets noticed. :roll: A pretty high percentage of "us" do fit that image naturally, and another significant portion consciously emulate it. If you don't like bars and have non-functional gay-dar . . . . well, thank god for the interwebz! 8)

Good luck. If I could find someone in the gay community, you CAN find someone for you in the straight population. Keep looking, she's out there, somewhere.



chelischili7
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24 Jun 2010, 3:18 pm

This is a paradox to say the least. Oftentimes, people will ask me why I look upset when I feel happy. I have a tendency to squelch my forehead when I am either completely focused on something or thinking. People have a tendency to view this as a disturbed face.

I recall one teacher talked about something intriguing (can't remember what he was talking about) in my Reading in the Content Areas class a year ago. He stopped his lecture and asked me, "C.J., is something wrong?" I responded, "No Professor Smith. I am perfectly fine."

Misperceptions - it's an Asperigan trait.



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24 Jun 2010, 5:12 pm

people always ask me if im p/o'ed about sometihing. i tend not to smile (it feels awkward) my eyebrows are usually raised, and i tend to breathe loudly through the nose.

but then again, would you be smiling if you were 13 hours into a 17 hour shift on your feet working alone in a convenience store? (i love it when people put in their notice and then not show up for the last three shifts)

the only time i smile is in church, our services are very contemporary, and its the only place i feel welcome, plus most of the songs are on Christian radio, so im not always tripping over the words.


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Sparrowrose
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24 Jun 2010, 5:23 pm

thechadmaster wrote:
the only time i smile is in church, our services are very contemporary, and its the only place i feel welcome, plus most of the songs are on Christian radio, so im not always tripping over the words.


I know the words in my church for the opposite reason: we chant the same stuff every time. There are little changes for different times of the year, but for the most part every Sunday is exactly like every other Sunday and I love that predictability. I really feel at home in the service because at any moment I know exactly "where" I am and what's coming next and I no longer have to look at a book or piece of paper to be there. It makes me feel very firmly rooted.


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thechadmaster
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24 Jun 2010, 5:57 pm

Sparrowrose wrote:
thechadmaster wrote:
the only time i smile is in church, our services are very contemporary, and its the only place i feel welcome, plus most of the songs are on Christian radio, so im not always tripping over the words.


I know the words in my church for the opposite reason: we chant the same stuff every time. There are little changes for different times of the year, but for the most part every Sunday is exactly like every other Sunday and I love that predictability. I really feel at home in the service because at any moment I know exactly "where" I am and what's coming next and I no longer have to look at a book or piece of paper to be there. It makes me feel very firmly rooted.



Are you Catholic by chance? i was until i was 18 or so, and i used to love the conformity, i knew the service by heart. these days i go to a Calvary Chapel, a conservative non-denominational fellowship, we sing contemporary Christian music, the pastor is the lead singer for the worship band, then he gives his teaching, a few more songs its like a rock concert.

we get musical acts from all over the US, all the CCs are in fellowship with one another and they share musical talent.

i feel like i can actually "get into it" unlike almost everything else i have tried.


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Sparrowrose
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24 Jun 2010, 7:30 pm

thechadmaster wrote:
Are you Catholic by chance?


Eastern Orthodox -- even more stubborn about not changing anything than the Catholics. LOL

We have a joke that says, "of course we change with the times! After all, now we pray for those who travel by land, sea, and air! Is this not a change?"

That change, some translations into modern languages, and a tendency to view headcovering as more optional these days are almost the only things that have changed in my church since the seventh ecumenical council over 1200 years ago. In some ways, my church is more autistic than I am. :-)

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i was until i was 18 or so, and i used to love the conformity, i knew the service by heart. these days i go to a Calvary Chapel, a conservative non-denominational fellowship, we sing contemporary Christian music, the pastor is the lead singer for the worship band, then he gives his teaching, a few more songs its like a rock concert.

we get musical acts from all over the US, all the CCs are in fellowship with one another and they share musical talent.

i feel like i can actually "get into it" unlike almost everything else i have tried.


That sounds very nice. Isn't it great to find a form of worship that really feels like home to you!


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thechadmaster
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24 Jun 2010, 7:39 pm

it does. an i can relate to your being eastern orthodox, i have studied it extensively, they come from similar roots as the RCC, i believe you guys split off at the western schism of the early middle ages. most mainline protestant churches split from the RCC during the middle ages through the early 1800s,

the main difference in Calvary Chapel is that we try to be like the early church from the 100-400's AD, fellowshipping with a few friends (a few hundred nowadays), singing songs of praise, and enjoying the freedom that Jesus won for us on the cross.

Wow, i guess im getting a little off topic, PM me if you want to take this conversation further, i think this tangent started as a smile in church, the only place i smile.


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Sparrowrose
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24 Jun 2010, 8:07 pm

thechadmaster wrote:
it does. an i can relate to your being eastern orthodox, i have studied it extensively, they come from similar roots as the RCC, i believe you guys split off at the western schism of the early middle ages. most mainline protestant churches split from the RCC during the middle ages through the early 1800s,


Right, first there was one church, then there were lots of churches, then the first ecumenical council in Nicea in the year 325 developed the Nicene Creed and there was one church again and lots of other churches that didn't follow the creed and eventually died out. Then the Great Schism in 1054 when the Roman Church and the Eastern Church mutually excommunicated each other. Then Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses (a document calling for reform) on the door of a church in Wittenberg in 1517, starting the reformation that led to the Protestant denominations.

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the main difference in Calvary Chapel is that we try to be like the early church from the 100-400's AD, fellowshipping with a few friends (a few hundred nowadays), singing songs of praise, and enjoying the freedom that Jesus won for us on the cross.


Very excellent! (Although I see that Calvary is sola scriptura, which means they are more like 400s than 100s because the New Testament didn't exist in the form we have today until 367 AD. But what's important is Christ! And it looks like your church is filled with Christ!)

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Wow, i guess im getting a little off topic, PM me if you want to take this conversation further, i think this tangent started as a smile in church, the only place i smile.


Right, we're kind of hijacking the thread. I agree with you, though, that church makes me smile, too! I visited a LOT of different churches before I found the one that fit for me and I can't begin to describe how good it felt to come home like that. Finding a great fellowship to worship Christ with is definitely something worth smiling about! I'm so happy for you! And for me! And feel free to PM me, too, if you want so we can stop hijacking the facial expression thread. :-)


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thechadmaster
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24 Jun 2010, 8:10 pm

to bring it back on topic:

you post made me smile!


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Sparrowrose
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24 Jun 2010, 8:23 pm

thechadmaster wrote:
to bring it back on topic:

you post made me smile!


You make me smile, too.

And also on topic, my lips are cracked right now so it literally hurts to smile. :-(
I went to the post office and got some boxes and boxed up a bunch of stuff to mail and then I was trying to carry them all in but it was too many. But a lady saw me and offered to help carry and then another lady held the door for us and I smiled and said, "everyone is being so kind today!" even though it hurt me to smile.

I've heard people say, "it wouldn't hurt you to smile!" but today it really does hurt. LOL!


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Perin
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25 Jun 2010, 1:08 am

another_1 wrote:
Try being a male, looking for a supportive male. Stereotypes usually become stereotypes because they contain some truth. People expect a gay guy to be a flamboyant party animal simply because that is the "type" that gets noticed. :roll: A pretty high percentage of "us" do fit that image naturally, and another significant portion consciously emulate it. If you don't like bars and have non-functional gay-dar . . . . well, thank god for the interwebz! 8)

Good luck. If I could find someone in the gay community, you CAN find someone for you in the straight population. Keep looking, she's out there, somewhere.


Thanks. I'm hoping so! Heh, I've always wondered about the radar. A good friend of mine is gay as well, and she always talks about that. Another interesting thing is that women seem less homophobic as she's approached some 'straight' women with some success. Personally the stereotype and pressures of male gays having to be flamboyant has always saddened me a little, atleast in the sense that I think you should have the right to act however you like! There's a pretty good potrayal of it on a TV show called Greek. Stereotypes *sigh*



JCpatriots
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25 Jun 2010, 3:06 am

My face is usually just straight faced and serious looking, as if I'm intently focused on something or mad. People always tell me to "lighten up" and "relax", even on days when I'm actually very relaxed and feeling good. My boss at my new job, even on one of my first days when I felt comfortable actually working that day told me I looked too uptight and needed to relax. And I've had people tell me countlessly to "be happy", "smile", etc.

I find it hard to control my facial expressions, because it's usually the same expression I have on my face, regardless of how I'm actually feeling. I'll attempt to smile sometimes, but I always feel as if I'm looking creepy or something when I try to force a smile (which I kinda do end up looking creepy :P).